This is my first time on this thread. I think this is great.
What is self-esteem? I forgot, it's been so long since I had any. I find it impossible with PCOS. I feel like a fat hairy freak of nature. How will I ever find a man? I have said this type of thing several times on various threads, so I know I'm repeating myself, but this is how I feel on a daily basis. I'm tired of this life. Tired of hiding from the world. It's exhausting. Why should I bother to do my hair nicely (what's left of it), why should I bother with make-up or nicer clothes? What's the point? Guys aren't looking at me, and I can't blame them. I'm 32, 245 pounds, but only 5'1". And hairy, hairy, hairy (except on my head, where I would like more hair, but it's thinning out).
I try so hard through therapy and self-talk to get past this. Some days I seem to be better, but then it just falls apart, and I fall into a deep chasm of self-hatred. My friends try to talk me up (though they think my only issue is my weight, I have not told anyone about PCOS and the hair), but it doesn't help as much as I'd like. Maybe someday I'll learn not to hate myself and what my body has become.
I started going to the gym last week. My endo pretty much ordered me to go on a low carb diet so I started that a month ago. I must admit that since starting the gym, there's been a tiny improvement in my state of mind. Tiny, but it's there. I'm holding on to that tiny ray of hope. Supposedly losing weight can help with the hair issues, we'll have to see. |