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TabbySama · 06-23-2009, 08:56 PM

We lost our son through a D&E on 10/31/2008. I was 18wks along. He had spinabifida so severely that he was brain dead and the only reason he was alive and growing was that he was attached to me. My husband doesn't want to try again for another couple of years yet and I desperately want to. I am reminded of my loss everyday as my sister was only a week behind me in her pregnancy. While she did deliver 6 wks prematurely, her daughter came out perfect. When the two of us ended up pregnant, my sisters baby is the one that everyone worried about. My sister has diabetes (type 2), a seizure disorder (thought to be brought on by drug abuse), she doesn't work, the baby's daddy doesn't work much, all three of them squat at my mothers house and pretty much get by doing as little as possible. While my husband and I both work, he goes to school, we have an apartment, cars, etc! I can't help but think, while I love my neice to pieces, that if it had to be one of them, statistically it should have been her. And I feel like a terrible person for thinking that. On top of that, my niece's baby's daddy's sister had a son a couple weeks before she was born. I can't help but wonder why these scum of the earth type people are able/allowed to have children, but mine is taken away.
On top of everything, my cycle won't normalize. I think I'm bled more since the D&E than I did in the 3 years prior to concieving. I currently have been bleeding normal to heavy for 3+wks and was spotting/light flow 3+wks before that. I currently am uninsured until august and I wish I would just stop bleeding!