PEIKay

Hi. I'm Kay.

A lady by the name of Suzanne (I have no idea what her username is here) recommended I come over here, from a debate board at another site.

I had gone off hormonal birth control last May out of health concerns, and because we'd planned to TTC within about 12 months. By August, my periods were lighter and far between. My last confirmed ovulation was in August. My last 'natural' AF was October 9th, but that was really only 3 days of spotting. I kept getting positive pregnancy tests, amongst dozens of negatives, so I spent a lot of time with doctors.

One thought I was pregnant and sent me for a TV ultrasound in January. Report said 'all clear' but there were many, many follicles visible on one ovary. I was referred to an OB, who did some bloodwork back in April and put me on Provera to trigger a withdrawal bleed, which it did.

Even though I was 90% sure the diagnosis was coming... it's still kind of heartbreaking. I just was officially diagnosed today.

My husband and I had been planning to TTC this year, but we broke up back in September and will be divorcing this fall. I have baby fever like mad and I work with a bunch of pregnant women. My son is *obsessed* with babies and asks for his own baby all the time. I have been looking forward to being pregnant this year ever since my son was born. It was *The Plan* for years.

I have had three - likely four - miscarriages. I am not sure I can do that again. With my history, I have something like a 60% chance of miscarrying again if I can even conceive anymore.

I talked to my mother about that and she said "Oh *everyone* in our family gets pregnant easily. You won't have any trouble." I just wanted to SCREAM at her. I don't need a reminder that I am, yet again, the black sheep in the family. The only praiseworthy thing I have ever done in my parents' eyes is have my son, and now I can't even produce more grandchildren for them!

I feel like half a woman. I've been crying most of the afternoon. It seems like absolutely everything in my life has gone to crap in the past 10 months, and I just really need a hug.

I hope I can find some acceptance here. PEI (where I live) seems to be in the midsts of a baby boom, and I really need somewhere to escape from the rampant fertility, when it seems like mine has decided to abandon me.