BloomingTulips

We're licensed foster/adopt parents. I just came across this thread. So glad to see others here!

There are 8 basic ways a child leaves foster care that I can think of:
1. Back to parent(s). This is the goal of everyone, foster parents included. The system is set up to get those kids back home.

2. Placement with relative (or friend who has been active in the child's life and is therefore like a relative, called fictive kin). If they can't go back home and be safe, everything is set up to get them into a relative's home. Relatives who are fostering often have less oversight and less assistance than other foster families, but not always.

3. The child is adopted by his or her foster parent(s). If the child can't go back home safely, and can't be placed with a relative, after extensive attempts to do so, the next best thing is for the child to be adopted by the foster parent who has been providing care already.

4. The child is adopted by another family. If all the above can't happen, adoption by a stable family who will meet the child's needs is ideal.

5. Permanent conservatorship is given to one of the above (friend, relative, foster parent). Sometimes this is used because it is cheaper for the state, sometimes because the child doesn't want to be adopted, and sometimes because the child's needs are so extensive that it would be a financial burden to an adoptive family, and sometimes it just works out that way.

6. The child is placed in an institutionalized/residential care and treatment facility. If the child's needs are such that he or she couldn't function alone or in a traditional home, this care might continue into adulthood.

7. The child ages out of the system or is emancipated, leaving him or her without a permanent safe home or support network in most situations.

8. The child dies. Thankfully, this is rare.

If you want to adopt an infant from foster care, you would go through steps 1, 2, and 3. You would most likely not fall into step 4 because by that time, the child is probably at least a year old and no longer an infant. A baby who comes home from the hospital knowing the parents will not regain custody and is fast-tracked for adoption might have the adoption finalized in 6-9 months, but probably not. Anyone willing to adopt between 0 and 2 would be able to move into that step 4 area if desired.

Different states handle it in different ways, but if you want to be a Step 3er, you'd want to be licensed to both foster and to adopt. You'd then work to reunify babies with their families and one of those babies (maybe the first, but more likely the second, third, fourth, or fifth) wouldn't have a family to safely go home to and you'd be asked to adopt him or her.

You could ask your worker to only place low risk babies with you, ones they think are most likely to get to step 3. They can only guess, and you know how unpredictable humans can be making guessing what the parents, the relatives, and the judge will all do a risky propaganda in itself, but on average, the social workers have pretty good instincts about it. You'll go through some ups and downs and have a lot of not knowing, and you'll have a baby in your arms to love and to change the course of her life forever. I was told that not one person who was approved didn't get the demographics of children requested as long as the requests were somewhat reasonable in our area. Some were extremely specific about skin, hair, gender, age, etc and had to wait up to 18 months, while others had babies in their houses before they got their licenses in the mail.

The one thing the social workers kept saying was that it wasn't their job to make your family complete, it was their job to make the child's family complete. That means that they could place that baby you've adored for 2 months with his grandma who just came out of the woodwork or that they could place that infant you've been up walking the floors with for 3 months since she got out of the hospital in the foster home with her brother because the baby would adjust to the change easier than the older child would. The child's interests come first.

The one thing I hear other foster moms say the most is that of course it is hard to see them go. How could they be good moms otherwise? That it is precisely that love and connection that the child vitaly needs and it is selfish to deny the child his or her needs because it is going to hurt a perfectly healthy adult's heart some when and if she goes.

I really encourage you to start going to foster parent association meetings in your area if you're at all interested. They'll be the best source of info and support for you. There are tons and tons of success stories of babies, toddlers, school children, teens, special needs, siblings, you name it!