2 Due Dates coming and VERY sad (pregnancy mentioned)
I am just so sad. I lost my 2nd Angel "Bean" back on Feb 14th. S/he was due Oct. 11th. I can't believe the date is coming so soon. On top of that my first Angel "Lil' Peanut" was due Nov. 23rd of 04. S/he should coming up to his/her 1st birthday! This so isn't fair! I prolly would do something real dumb IF it wasn't for "Pumpkin Head" due in March. I hate the fact that I cannot enjoy my pg'ncy because of my losses. I get so freeking mad! My brother (who comes here to spend time with me so I am not alone at night while DH works) keeps telling me not to get so mad ..... keep his God child as safe as I can. Nobody understands though. Well except maybe you ladies and my mom and dad. Momma lost 9 babies. She lost 6 of them before my brother John then he was suposed to be a twin and so was brother Jim. Then she lost one after me. I am going nuts after 2 losses. How the hell did momma do it that many times? Not just my momma but all the ladies who have had losses. I also didn't want to try for this one. Not that I don't want children. I was/am scared! DH and his family just wouldn't let me alone. I was ready to save for adoption or even be a foster parent. DH didn't want that. Now I feel guilty. THen DH tells me the other day that after this baby is born we should go and have another IUI done as soon as we can. He doesn't understand! I spent many of day on bed rest as weeks 5 to 10 I had bleeding .... so it was like 2 days a week I was on bed rest.... now my doc has had me on bed rest for 2 weeks and then I seen him last week and said another 4 untill I see him again. This is very hard on me. That gives me so much time to "think". DH get mad because I am so "moody". Oh well. I understand he works two jobs to try to help us out while I can't work. Other wise we wouldn't be able to pay for the house. But I hardly see him. How am I suposed to make it the next two months? ANy idea's? I'm sorry to ramble on here I just needed to get it all out.
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I am sorry about your losses!!! I really hope all goes well with this preganancy. Your DH doesn't understand what kind of strain you are under, that you are trying to sustain life within you. He has no right to be angry with you because of your moods, and doing so is adding stress to your already stressful relationship! I am sorry, but keep your head up and try to keep smiling and think positive, okay!
Sorry to hear of your upcoming "dates" to remember. These dates are never easy. I hope your current little one can give you some comfort as the dates approach.
Have you talked to your mom about how she kept going? Maybe she can provide some comfort and advice as to what worked for her. every woman is different. For me, with every loss I got more and more angry and stubborn and that's what kept me going.
Just (((Hugs!)))
You're doing a great job, hang in there a little longer, one step at a time. We're here to listen.
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs
I'm so sorry, Roxie. I know how hard it is. My DH is a really sensitive, caring man, but when it came to understanding my feelings during my pregnancy and losses he just couldn't relate. I don't know that there is a key to surviving. You just do it because you have to and then time does the rest. I never believed I would have Jamie, but here he is. I'm listening to him play right now. He's in the next room. Miracles happen. Dreams sometimes do come true.
((Roxie)). I understand how you feel! I agree that talking to your mom might help. What do you do to keep yourself occupied while on bedrest? I'm going to take up needlepoint again. It helps shut off my brain, so I figure it's worth a try!
I don't really have advice for you, since I don't know what the heck I'm doing right now. I just want you to know that you're not alone, and I understand exactly what you mean when you say, if it wasn't for Pumpkin head... ((hugs))
Roxie (and Viv too) just big hugs for both of you As someone who's 'on the other side' now...i totally relate to what your going through...all i can say is that emotional tug of war is and was the worst part of my pregnancy, and my bedrest...and the only way i got through it was to talk to my angel babies everyday and share with them the joy i felt when i felt a kick, a roll, a hiccup...any sign that Logan was alive and well. I would spend time and still do talking to him about his big sisters, trying to ease the guilt of moving forward...especially on those anniversaries...cuz thats what you have to do. Even now he has a habit of twisting my locket chain in his fingers while i'm nursing him...the locket with pictures of my babygirls...
I just had to believe my girls were with me every step of the way......and sometimes to be honest...it was just a matter of talking myself into it.
Just try to hang in there...i know bedrest is not all its cracked up to be...all that thinking can really get to ya...but in a few months you'll be looking back on it and wondering...why didnt i sleep more when i had the chance??!!
__________________ Kim 40 PCOS/IR/IC/PIH/PTL
DS6yrs-preemie-30w)Twins-Met,Prometrium, Puregon Injectibles DS3YRS
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TTC#4 w/Injectibles-IVF conversion/CERCLAGE/6.2mo bedrest/emerg c-sec at 38wks
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Thank you ladies for your reply's. I'm sorry you know how I feel but at the same time ... I know I'm not alone, KWIM? I just feel like I am going nut's! I am going for a flu shot this afternoon. I HATE needles but my OB thinks it's best to have one. I will do what I have to do in order to *try* to do things right for Pumpkin Head. I have not had one in years! On bed rest I read, do crossword puzzles and watch TV. TO be honest I really don't like TV. Only at night I fall asleep to it .... LOL But what is one to do all day and night? I get phone calls from my family to make sure I am ok. It's nice to know ppl care. Nobody in DH's family calls at all to see how I am unless they want something. THen they ask. At least I have my family and "cysters" who understand
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I'm glad you sound better today. Each day is a little step in this journey, and at the end they will mostly blend together and fade. The pain from our losses is not gone when our new babies arrive... far from it, but we will have joy and love and sheer wonder to take up some space in our heads instead of having so much of our conscious minds devoted to grief. It really does help to fill those empty arms, and I wish you and your little Pumpkin Head a lifetime of joy. Really investing in the pregnancy can help a lot... BELIEVE that it CAN happen and that you will make it to the finish line. Look at things online about taking care of a newborn and all of that stuff. It really made me think that this time no one can take my baby away, he's really mine.
Love to you and your bean,
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs
2 Due Dates coming and VERY sad (pregnancy mentioned) 
As someone who's 'on the other side' now...i totally relate to what your going through...all i can say is that emotional tug of war is and was the worst part of my pregnancy, and my bedrest...and the only way i got through it was to talk to my angel babies everyday and share with them the joy i felt when i felt a kick, a roll, a hiccup...any sign that Logan was alive and well. I would spend time and still do talking to him about his big sisters, trying to ease the guilt of moving forward...especially on those anniversaries...cuz thats what you have to do. Even now he has a habit of twisting my locket chain in his fingers while i'm nursing him...the locket with pictures of my babygirls...
