2 years ago, on 9/4/04, Marissa and Gabriella were born at only 20 weeks. We tried to save them with a rescue cerclage, but we were not successful...it failed within a week because I was already too far gone when it was placed. Wow, 2 years.....I remember it like it was yesterday...every single detail...and I still think about them every single day of my life...every single hour. I have since went on to have a little boy with the help of a preventative cerclage...and he is of course the joy of my life...he is the only thing that has made my life worth living and made me strong enough to go on and try to live my life as normally as possible.....but he certainly doesnt replace his sisters (nor was he meant to). it is so hard...the what ifs...the should haves.....i just hope i get to see them again some day. i dont feel like saying "happy birthday, girls" because it ISNT a happy birthday.....so instead I just want to acknowledge them....and say how much I love them....and say how sorry I am that they cant be here with us right now.
__________________ Becky
~Miscarriage, March 2004, 5 or 6 weeks~
~Angels Marissa & Gabriella, 9/4/04, 20 weeks, due to IC/PTL/PPROM/Incompetent Doctors~
~MICAH BORN SAFELY AT 8lbs11oz AT 39w4d, DECEMBER 2005 AFTER SUCCESSFUL PREVENTATIVE CERCLAGE!!!!!~
~MALACHI BORN SAFELY AT 8lbs6oz AT 39w1d, OCTOBER 2007 AFTER SUCCESSFUL PREVENTATIVE CERCLAGE!!!~
~MAKAIO BORN SAFETY AT 8lbs13oz AT 39w, SEPTEMBER 2009 AFTER SUCCESSFUL PREVENTATIVE CERCLAGE!!!~
Marissa and Gabriella would have been so loved and I just know they woulda been as beautiful if not more then there mother. Im sorry to hear about your loss even though it is 2 years later, it still hurts you like it was that same moment. I want to acknowledge them as well because they were too beautiful for this world and too perfect therefore the Lord needed them with Him. Im so sure you will see their beautiful smiles one day and you will be so happy to hold them...God Bless
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Married December of 2003
3furbabies( Angel, Slinky, and Precious)
TTC#1 since 2003
Trying to lose lotsa weight and get healthy before TTC #1 aggressively
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There are so many words in your post that I have said or thought. I'm sorry you are missing your girls. I'm glad you have your son (I call Duncan "my little rock" privately in my head, because of the reasons you mentioned). These years continue to pass by, but our hearts are still missing our babies, and we are forced to find a place for them in our new life. What does it all mean now? How can we talk about them and smile? I hope you have a reflective day and that there are happier days ahead soon. You are definitely not alone, my friend! ((Hugs))
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs
Wow. The same thoughts that I had as well. How can i wish my baby a "happy birthday" when no one is happy that Matthew is not here with us today. Sometimes when I mention his birthday, I still get the looks from people, probably wondering if I have gone crazy. It is indeed a hard day to remember...the day that we said "hello...goodbye" to our babies.
But I choose to believe that I was blessed with my little miracle. It was wonderful and awesome that I had him, if only for a short while.
Remembering Marissa and Gabriella...Happy Birthday to two very special angels!
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Our sweet angel, Mohamed Matthew Raymon Illyas,
born and at rest on November 30, 2004.
Lived only 30 precious minutes...(IC at 20 weeks) Forever in our hearts, Together in our dreams.
We now live our life for you. We love you Matthew, our little Angel.
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((Becky)). I know your feelings all too well. I broke down at the pedi's today when she asked about other children. I'm pretty sure this gets easier (it's already easier for me), but I don't think we'll ever be able to live through these sad anniversaries without a few tears.
I hope you found some great ways to honor Marissa and Gabriella on their birthday.
2 yrs ago (living child ment) 
