5 month mc? What is the likliehood?

kimoe · 08-25-2004, 12:10 AM

I recently had a m/c at only 1-2 wks...and I've been looking around on this board here and there...and frankly now it's scaring me some more to try again. I keep reading that so many of you have m/c much later than I did, and I thought this was nearly impossible to bear.

I'm wondering what the likelihood of mc in the later months...say over 3 months is for women with PCOS...this is all scaring me so much to try again. I know if we do get preg again I will worry the whole time anyway, but now reading so many of these makes it worse..

Any advice or ideas, etc please post!!!

SheriKCMO · 08-25-2004, 01:37 AM

kimoe,
((Hugs))
I'm sorry you've had to go through this. It sounds like you need some time off of ttc, maybe a couple of months, just to recover and reflect. I think it builds courage to go forward with our dream.

I had a neonatal loss, that is, I lost a baby who was born alive but too small to live long at all. We were too far from a nicu at that time to even try. At any rate, it was awful, as are the stillbirths and earlier losses around here. Each of us responds in our own way and needs to feel validation and support here, even if one loss seems from the outside to be "less terrible" than another. For some cysters, an early loss like yours (and my second loss) might be just as devestating as losing a newborn.

My main point that I want to let you know is that later losses are very unusual. Read the Mommy Board for some inspiration sometime. The early miscarriages, often preventable with progesterone, are much more common. I just hope that this was your only one.

Best wishes,
Sheri

Hayles · 08-25-2004, 01:54 AM

Regardless of when the loss happens it is still your child and you have the right to grieve. Dont feel as though your loss is any less than anyone elses. When we lose a parent or a friend or whoever it's part of your past, but when you lose your child it is your future and that can take some time to get over.
Ttc again when you feel ready it is a very individualised choice.
Sending hugs your way
Hayles

RunnerDuck · 08-25-2004, 09:14 PM

I don't think women with PCOS have any higher chance of late term loss than any other women - if they do, the difference is probably slight. It's early misscarriage that PCOSers have a higher incidence of.

tonyarn · 09-29-2004, 07:21 PM

I am very sorry for your loss. (((hugs)))

I recently lost my son at one day shy of 9 months. I never knew anyone who had a stillborn baby before me, but now that I have lost a baby myself, I have done a little more research into it. Statistically 1 in every 115 viable (over 20 weeks) pregnancies ends in stillbirth. I feel those statistics are WAY too high. Just think if 1 in every 115 Ford Explorers blew up on start up...we'd be all over that! Unfortunately, noone talks about it, not a lot of research is being done. That is sad considering 26,800 babies are stillborn in the U.S. each year.

PCOS does not cause a higher incidence of stillbirth. It is not usually a maternal condition that causes stillbirth, however diabetes and high blood pressure do slightly raise the risk.

AvivaElona · 09-29-2004, 11:26 PM

Later losses do happen. They are far more rare than early miscarriages but you cannot deny the reality of them. There are no guarantees when you get pregnant and getting past the magic 12 week date is not a free pass to a healthy baby. Their are high risks to pregnancy. 1 in 5 pregnancies do not make it. Stats on how often later losses happen are confusing but it happens more often than people think.

A few of us have speculated that PCOSers may have a higher risk of problems in mid pregnancy than normal folks due to the number of people here that seem to have IC or PTL. At the moment this is just speculation. The current research does not show this to be the case. (I do believe the current research is very flawed however) However, even if there is an increased risk, the risk is still small, and not as high in comparison to "normal" women as the risk of early miscarriage.

Later loss is painful. I don't think there are measuring cups for pain though. Loss of your baby is awful no matter when it happens. I think there are some things that make a later loss different, but that doesn't mean its necessarily worse. Just different in some ways. In other ways its the same. However, "almost impossible to bear" is a hard statement to put a true or false on. Its always hard to bear a loss. But look at all the ladies here who have had losses at all gestational ages, and yet are willing to try again. Look at all the people who have succeeded and have healthy children they adore.

I think part of trying to conceive a child involves admitting that you can't control everything and that you can't guarantee a happy ending and accepting that risk of loss because you do want a child. Its hard to do that right after you've just had a loss though. Give yourself some time to heal and you may be more ready to accept the possibility of loss in order to have that hope for joy.

My sympathy and sorrow for all the families here who have had losses.

Aviva

airforcewifeynva · 09-30-2004, 11:21 AM

I have had early miscarriages and I have lost a son at 37 weeks. To me, losing my son was worse than those miscarriages ever were. The grieving process was totally different. I had to go to a funeral, burial...those things. I held a child in my arms that I knew was never going to grow up.

Yes, losing a baby is tough no matter when it happens, but in my own personal experience, later losses are worse.

I didn't say those things to scare anyone, my point is this. Yes, my husband and I have been through hell and back with the loss of our son and our other miscarriages but we did try again and we now have a son who will be 1 in 2 weeks. I almost gave up also but I just couldn't.

I can't say I didn't worry my head off during the pregnancy but in the end, it was all worth it.

The key is to concentrate on having a healthy baby...the what ifs will really get you if you let them.

I am so sorry about your loss. I know it is tough to want to try again, but if you really want a child, don't let the what ifs keep you from trying. I am so glad I didn't. Good luck!!!!

kwannabee · 10-03-2004, 02:12 PM

HI Kimoe...first of all...we all have enough to be scared about...but i know how hard it is to read stuff and panic that it will happen to me. I had to train myself to remmeber that i can do only as much as i can do...everything else was never up to me in the first place....my new motto is "dont fight the monstors in the dark...only the ones you can see"

I lost my girls at 19-20 weeks, they were just on the cusp...so technically with one baby born before midnight and one born after...i technically had one miscarriage and one still birth. Sounds dumb to me but thats what they told me...any baby after 20 weeks would be considered a stillbirth...

and because both my babies didnot have the capacity to breathe on their own...even though theire little hearts were beating...they were both considered still born even though they were 'technically' alive.

So can we lose a baby at five months..sure...we can also all get hit by a truck...you just never know til it happens. A cyster just recently said something to someone that i thought was very profound...something like...we're gonna worry anyway about anything...so enjoy the time you have. So if your pregant or are ttc...just live in the moment. Take all your precautions...and then enjoy as best you can. Believe me i know thats gonna be hard...but i'm trying to train myself into it before it happens...this whole thing just sucks! Maybe if we all did drugs and drank ourselves silly...then we'd have healthy full term babies

theres just no justice in this world.

Tace care and good luck!