I found out I was pregnant for the very first time.
Was just thinking about it today...It was before I knew about PCOS, before worrying about RPL....I just think about how innocent I was to the cruelty of the world back then...I thought we would have a wonderful baby and would live happily ever after.
5 years and 4 losses later, here I am...No living child to hold. My sister was pregnant at the same time I found out I was...Ever time I look at my niece, it's a living reminder of what I could have right now...My baby would be going to school this year, learning to read and write...Oh how I wanted to teach them...
I'm just so sad that I will never be that happy pregnant woman who gets angry about morning sickness and laments about how soon it will be over...I would give anything to be throwing up knowing that I have a thriving baby inside me. I grieve the loss of my innocense, how I will never get to enjoy being pregnant like other normal women...How I will be worried from day 1 about when I'm going to lose my baby or that I will have PTL or my baby won't live to see it's birthday.....
I've never even gotten to the point in a pregnancy to see a heartbeat...The most I've made it is 6 weeks...I have to remind myself that I am still a mother, that I had a tiny baby inside me, no matter how long they stayed there.
Thanks for listening. (((hugs)))
__________________ Me - 31 DH - 33 Married 8/8/1998
PCOS Dx. 07/04
4 early losses over 7 years.
BFP! Aug 14th!
Gavin Michael!! Born 4/16/09 7lbs 8 oz
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Thank you...The only reason I remember this date so vivedly is because it is just before our wedding anniversary and I remember thinking how great of a present it was....I don't remember any exact dates for any of my other losses...I remember months and years...I look back now and wished I kept a journal...
__________________ Me - 31 DH - 33 Married 8/8/1998
PCOS Dx. 07/04
4 early losses over 7 years.
BFP! Aug 14th!
Gavin Michael!! Born 4/16/09 7lbs 8 oz
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Kristina, I'm sorry I'm late, but I wanted to send you (((hugs))) and say I'm so sorry for your losses. Your post touched me because I had a similar experience of the joy of finding out I was pg, only to miscarry and find out about pcos. I too feel like that joyous innocence was snatched away to be replaced by sadness and anxiety.
I wish you all the best and will say a prayer for a successful pregnancy for you.
__________________ Me 35 DH 36
ttc #1 since 01/05, dx 02/06 m/c #1 10/05 m/c #2 10/06 11/06 Clomid #5, aspirin bfp Betas:[12dpo=30 P4=64][15dpo=211 P4=85][19dpo=1074 P4=79] Its a BOY!!
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5 years ago today.... 
