Hi all...
I'm a new poster here at SoulCysters, but I'm certainly not new to PCOS. I'm currently 24, but was diagnosed at the age of 15. I'm taking Eulexin and Demulen, but they seem to have stopped working altogether.
Today, as my subject states, I'm about as low as I've ever been, and unfortunately, I'm not talking about my weight. I weigh more than I ever have - 50 pounds more than I did when I graduated high school. I'm very depressed, my marriage is suffering, my confidence is 0%, and I just don't know what else to do. I can seriously gain 5 pounds in a week just by eating what a normal person would. I've done low carb over and over but I can't seem to stick to it. I'll lose 15-20 pounds and then go out for a pizza to celebrate and all my hard work goes out the window.
It's a terrible, vicious cycle, isn't it?
Depression - Eating - Weight Gain - Low Self-Esteem - Eating - More Weight Gain - More Depression...
My regular doctor gave me Paxil and for a few months, I was back to my old self...but I gained 15 more pounds, so quit taking the Paxil. That made me dizzy and disoriented for about 2 weeks. Bad decision, I know, but I just couldn't stand gaining any more weight.
So here I am, posting on Faith & Healing because that's what I need more than anything, I think. I'm a Christian, and love the Lord very much. I'm so thankful for all He has given me, but it hurts so much to be me sometimes.
I'm here at work, crying, and thankful the day is almost over so I can go home and hide. I hate "living" this way - it's not living at all. So, if you would, please pray for me. And if you feel inclined, please email me as well. I'd like a few friends who understand what I'm going through.
Thank you all in advance, and God bless you.
Susan
Hi, Susan (or libertybelle...I love that username!)
I hope you see this before you go home from work. Please know that I read your post and can relate to so much...especially the weight...I weigh at least 70 pounds more than I did in high school, that's for sure!
I know what you mean about celebrating by eating after losing weight! How ironic! But believe me, I have done that, too!
I can't advise on the Paxil or other anti-depressants as I haven't been on them (although there were times I probably should have!)
I want you to know that I am praying for you! I realize that you didn't ask for specific advice, but I would like to tell you that one thing that has helped with my symptoms and self esteem is regular exercise, if you are not doing that already. I realize that this is hard to fit into your day when you are working full time. But if you can find something easy to do (I throw on a pair of walking shoes and just walk around my neighborhood) , even if it is only 15 min. a day, and do it consistently, it really does wonders.
I am sure that many, many other cysters can relate to what you are saying and may have some even better suggestions...but we all support you and want to encourage you. This is a caring group!
You don't know how much I appreciate hearing things like that. I know that I have to exercise, especially. It's so hard, though - I'm working full-time AND going to school full-time. It's a nightmare, but I'll be graduating next May, thank goodness. I just keep thinking - I want to weigh at least 20 pounds less than I do now when I graduate. But with no time to do anything but eat, sleep, work and study, it's so difficult! I just need to get my priorities right, I guess.
Today has just been a hard day for me. Clothes don't fit, makeup didn't do right, and I feel like dookie.
Your prayers mean so much to me - I really can't tell you how much. I'll pray for you as well. We're all in this together!
(((Susan))) sweetie, I think we have all been there at one time or another. I wish I had some words of advice, but I am not very good at that. Just please know a fellow cyster is praying for you today, and you are NOT ALONE!
__________________ Me 32 ~ DH 33
Mom to Anna Kate, my Russian Miracle
b ~ 7/18/01 a. 2/11/02
Susan, I'm so sorry your feeling down right now. I understand. I'm about 90 lbs over my HS weight, and that's after losing 50. It's very hard. Please know I'll be praying for you. You pray too, okay? The Lord is there, waiting for you, knowing your every need. He wants to help, and will give you peace. God bless.
__________________ Be thankful for what you have received and also for what you have escaped.
Thank you all for your encouraging words. I appreciate them all.
It's Thursday morning, now and I'm back at work. It's worse here for some reason - I don't know. Maybe it's just because my department isn't busy at the moment, and I have time to think about things.
Anyway, thanks again for your prayers and messages.
About as low as one can go... 
