Adopting a child from a different ethnic background

Sari · 06-29-2004, 03:13 AM

How many of you are doing this or have considered doing this? My DH is Filipino, and my family is German, and for some reason I feel much more comfortable "discarding" my German heritage and trying to find a child with SOME, even a little, Filipino heritage. I guess maybe so that the child would look as close as possible to what our biological children would look like? Does this make sense? Do you think this is wrong? Also, how have you been able to make peace with not sharing the same heritage as your adopted child?? Has this even been an issue for you?

JenJen78 · 06-29-2004, 10:25 AM

My husband and I are both caucasian and my son is hispanic (actually mayan indian, but he looks hispanic). It has never been an issue for us. As he gets older (he'll be 2 next month), we'll try to explain to him about race and help him to deal with any issues he may come across. We do plan to adopt another hispanic child so they can share their heritage.

As for him looking like us, I don't think he does, but time and time again, when someone that I've not seen in a while comes up to me and I introduce them to Zach, they say "OH! I didn't know you had a baby!" So everyone thinks he's biological. At first, I thought maybe people thought I had a Hispanic husband, but a few times, DH and I have been out together with Zach, and we get the same response.

I usually tell them that I wasn't pregnant, but yes I did have a child. Then I tell them Zach's adopted from Guatemala. Then they really can't believe that he's not the same race as us.

We were able to choose him from a photolisting, but we really didn't do that. We picked a date that meant something to us and the child born on that day is the child we 'chose'. So we weren't even thinking about him looking like us.

Best of luck to you. I'm sure the child that is meant to be yours will find you.

Lisa2008 · 06-29-2004, 03:53 PM

Brandon is of mixed race, and darker than either of us. He is beautiful, and like Jen, there will come a day when he will want everything explained.
I really feel that whatever you choose, you should be honest with yourself, if you think you will ever be dissapointed that a child that does not resemble you, concider it very carefully.
Interracial adoption can be a very socially charged issue for some people, and some have very strong opinions on the issue.

one thing we did do, and i hope ds will benifit in the future, is we moved to a town with a high population of first nations people, so he wont be a minority in his town.

i think however you choose to procede your child will have a head start with dealing with race issues, as she/he will have a healthy set of role models.
good luck

dms · 06-29-2004, 04:45 PM

Our daughter, Erin, is biracial. My husband and I are both caucasian. It has not been an issue at all. She is only 2 so I am sure there will be questions in the future. I am ready for them.

With our families and friends...it has not been an issue either.

Everyone sees Erin for the beautiful and funny little girl that she is.

Good luck to you!

Dawn

Lisa67 · 06-29-2004, 04:45 PM

Emily is not of the same ethnic background as us but I see it as a total positive. It is helping us enhance our lives (like she alone does, of course!) by learning about China and it's people. Jessica knows more about Emily's heritage than she does her own Irish/Italian background! lol

Of course in the future I think we will run into some issues of her not looking like us and the normal adoptive child issues she will face, but I think the more prepared we get now the better off we'll be. We are trying to incorporate as much Chinese culture into our lives as we can. This will be even more fun as she grows and understands it all too.

So go with your heart. That's what we did and we couldn't be happier!

Lisa

so-tired · 06-29-2004, 04:48 PM

My son is caucasion and hispanic.

I a caucasion (German Jewish) and my husband is 1/4 Irish, 1/4 Spanish Gypsy, 1/4 Black, and 1/4 Italian. Our kids could look like anything! Who knows? My DH has siblings that you would swear are black and one who is blonde and blue eyed. I think genes are a fascinating and funny thing.

The point I am attempting to make is that genes are a mixed bag for anyone. I would not mind adopting a black, asian, hispanic, or caucasion baby. I also think society is much more accepting of adopting outside your own ethnicity.

Sorry if this made no sense... I am sooooo tired!!!!!! The baby is not feeling too well and I am starting to have morning sickness

Best of luck to you!!!!!

AK · 06-29-2004, 05:15 PM

Hi Sarabelle! My post is slightly different than the others. I am a teacher, and my next door neighbor teacher adopted two children from Korea about 6 years ago. (Actually, she has two daughters she adopted 22 years ago, and two MORE Korean daughters she has adopted 6 years ago!) It has been a long and somewhat difficult road. We live/teach in a mostly affluent and not-very-diverse town in Connecticut. I NEVER Would have believed the difficulty the girls have been through. I can't believe there is an Asian racism problem in this little new england town, but let me tell you - it's starting again with a second generation. My teacher friend tells me that she understood why her first two girls rec'd such teasing - if one can understand such a thing - because they were adopted after the Vietnam War, and people had trouble accepting the girls. They were teased on the buses in elementary school (called shovel face, dog face...go home where you belong...) Perhaps the saddest problems occurred when the girls became "dating" age - they were sweet, kind, very smart - and were never invited to the prom, or even had a date here in this small town. They were very much excluded, although they were on the Prom Committees, the Glee Clubs...They actually set up for the prom, and had to come home and watch others in their neighborhood go to the prom! Of course, this is many years ago. The girls have moved away, both of them live in big cities, one in NYC and the other in Boston. It is a sad fact that they are also somewhat rejected by the people of their own culture because they were raised "white." (and their fathers were mostly likely white.) Both girls have
great jobs, but still have trouble dating. But it is interesting and sad that my friend has adopted two more girls and is watching the same - sad - signs of teasing starting once again. The girls have endured teasing on the bus, exclusion on the playground -I simply can't believe it! I teach - I PREACH- the need to accept others, etc..as I am sure all parents and teachers do. But what happens when the adults aren't around is a different story.

Anyway, I just wanted to add a different point of view!

Luv Him · 06-30-2004, 07:08 PM

After 3 years TTC we decided to look into adoption. We chose to adopt internationally for many different reasons. I truly believe every individual/couple should make a very informed decision when it comes to adoption. I know that sounds basic and generic, but some people are so obsessed with having that child, that they don't really think through or get enough info on the process until they're in the thick of it.

We have a 2 1/2 year old Guatemalan boy, that we brought home at 7 months of age. He is the most beautiful child I have ever seen - of course. We found out about him when he was 2 weeks old, and the adoption/court process was complete 6 1/2 months later so we could bring him home.

I believe society will always play a role when it comes to interracial or adopted children. I have a friend who has 2 girls, both adopted from China who are 5 and 7 years old. A complete stranger came up to them in a store and asked if they were sisters. The girls of course asked later why anyone would ask if they were sisters. To them, they are sisters, biological or not. That is the biggest challenge I think I'll face as Cruz grows up. I will just always make sure to talk with him and when he's ready talk about the hard issues, I'll be right there. I kept a journal throughout the adoption process, and since he's been home, and will give that to him when he's older. He will always know how much I wanted him, no matter the color of his skin!!!!