adopting from within family

Jakes_Angel · 04-25-2008, 02:28 AM

Ok so long story short my cousins are abusing their girls and the girls need a mommy that will love and take care of them and I am in need of a baby to love and take care of. I want to talk to my aunt about possibly adopting them but not sure she will let me (my aunt is their grandmother and is supposed to get custody of them but her husband has major problems and isnt in the right shape to care for them)

How could I approach tlaking ot her about it? and Does anyone know what is involved in adopting within the family when CPS takes them out of their homes?

tukeetukee · 04-25-2008, 09:39 AM

i wasnt removed from my home before my grandma adopted me, but I know when you adopt within the family its a lot easier, for you and for the kids. Maybe you could tell her that since you can't have babies, you want to give hers a home where they will be loved and taken care of. Tell her you and your husband have means that she doesn't have right now.. IF YOU plan on letting her see the kids, tell her she will still be in their life, and if someone else adopts them, she probably wouldn't see them, so that solves everyone's problems, you and your dh will have kids, and she will get plenty of supervised visitation. thats exactly what my grandma told my mom.. and of course, my real mom is still a big part of my life, she just didn't RAISE us.

Hope this helps, really.

tukeetukee · 04-25-2008, 09:41 AM

ok i read that wrong lol. Your aunt is not their mother, but it still works the same. Tell her that since her husbnd is sick, you want the kids. Tell her that she AND possibly the cousins, the kids mothers, could still be in their life, so every body wins. You get it.
Same thing, just with grandma, not mom. lol

Jakes_Angel · 04-25-2008, 01:50 PM

Yeah, I dont think the mother will be in their life, she is the one beating them...I might consider letting my cousin(the dad) seeing them and my aunt and uncle of course could come visit when ever...

Its a really weird situation but I would love to take those girls home with me. They need a LOVING mommy so bad. Their mommy was so mean to them and so ugly, I jsut dont see how keeping them around her is doing them any good, and they know that my aunt is mimi...they want a mommy...gosh it jsut breaks my heart.

Do you know if we would have to get a lawyer like any other adotion or would we jsut have to let them sign the rights over? not sure how it would work.

mommavia · 04-25-2008, 03:25 PM

I would call your state office of adoptions, they will be able to tell you what is required in your state (since it varies).

I am so sorry for your recent loss...I can't imagine how hard that must have been for your and your husband. Not to be the bad guy, but be prepared to answer questions about dealing with your grief while attaching and bonding to the girls.

Hope everything works out,
Cynthia

tukeetukee · 04-25-2008, 07:12 PM

yeah it kind of varies from state to state.. my mom only needed a lawyer to oversee the signing of the adoption papers, but there werent any court dates or any of that nonsense. You really don't have to have the middle man like you do with adopting from an agency.

Jakes_Angel · 04-26-2008, 12:53 AM

I hope that if it is GOd's will and we get the girls it is something that would be less stress then I can imagine. thank you for your advise and input

tukeetukee · 04-26-2008, 01:56 AM

no problem..thanks for being there for the kids. I don't know where I'd be without my mama. My real mom didn't abuse me or anything like that.. she just has a personality disorder and bipolar disorder and wasn't able to take proper care of me.. but I know my life would have been SO unstable without her... and I know those kids lives would be a living hell without someone like you too.

Lisa_WY · 05-05-2008, 01:41 AM

My husband and I adopted his granddaughter. As my name suggests we are in Wyoming but some states are similar and some are very different.

In all states you proably would have to optain guardianship first. Is Child Welfare..DFS, CPS whatever it is called in your state involved in their lives now? The first issue is the safety of the children. If DFS takes them out of the home they probably will first go to the grandparents but not always. I have seen grandparents and foster parents fight for the kids and not always do the grandparents win. If the biological parents are ok with the grandparents they probably will get custody first. IF the bio parents would like you to take custody than DFS can arrange.

In our case, bio mom (not our daughter my husband is the paternal grand) lived with us and left the child with us. We tried to help her and the baby. After she was gone 2 weeks we contacted our lawyer. We had to have bio dad (my stepsons) consent. Since he was not part of her life he did sign the consent for the guardianship. That is when our lives became a nightmare.

I will make a long story short... bio dad listened to his bitter mother (my dh's ex wife) and his now ex wife we went to court 4 times in a year and each and every time he got less and less. Meanwhile bio mom got pregant again (1/2 sibling) and the bio dad of that child was in jail and going to prison for a long long time. She sold that child..yes you read it correctly. Oh wait, DFS said it was ok because the boy proably in a better placement. After a year of hell and trust me it was and lots of expense of our lawyer, the child's lawyer (some states call this a GAL) and mental drain... bio dad was down to 2 - 1 hour visits a week on his day off in the middle of the day for the stunts he pulled with the courts. He said it wasn't worth it anymore and we should adopt. He wasn't out of the driveway before we called our lawyer. We filed for the adoption but now had the problem of finding bio mom. Our lawyer didn't think the hearing would happen the day before because no one could find her. I found her within a 1/2 hour and believe it or not she showed up for the hearing. She said as long as we didn't change her middle name we could adopt.

Ok..4 years later... our daughter knows she is adopted. She knows who her biological dad is. She doesn't remember her mom at all. We celebrate her adoption. As for other family members. It does change the dynmatics of the family. Cousins are now nephews and nieces but we still call them cousins. Bio dad is now brother, aunt is now sister... very confusing. As far as her biological grandparents her materal grand is still in her life and her other paternal grand(dh's ex wife) is not a part of her life at all.

It is not as easy as one might think to adopt within the family. As far as a home study we didn't have to have one. Other grandparents I know did have to have one. Also depends on the DFS involvement.

Lisa
Wyoming

JESS4HOUSTON · 05-06-2008, 12:27 AM

I personally would call CPS or social services find our who their worker is and express your concerns about your aunt and uncle and express your interest in them being placed in your home.

Jakes_Angel · 05-06-2008, 02:02 PM

I don't want to do that because I dont want to cause problems in the family with my aunt and uncle.

JESS4HOUSTON · 05-06-2008, 02:27 PM

Quote:

How could I approach tlaking ot her about it? and Does anyone know what is involved in adopting within the family when CPS takes them out of their homes?

In my state when adopting from within the family once CPS takes the children involves

1. Somehow getting in contact with the CPS worker to express interest
-Most times CPS will ask the birth parents for possible family placements
-After that it will be up to the family to contact Social Services
2. If children are placed in foster care while family placement is pending you will probably need to speak to the social worker that was assigned
They may require
3. Possible Homestudy
4. Possible PRIDE Training
5. Possible Background Check

I'm really not trying to sound rude or anything because I'm not that type of person I just sometimes have a hard time explaining things in writing. So bear with me.

I don't see how your Aunt will be able to let you have the kids if she get's custody. Once kids are taken away from their birth parents by the state they will have a social worker assigned to them. That social worker will be the person looking at possible placement in the family. Once that worker looks at all parties who are interested the worker will then place the children with whatever house they feel is the best fit for the children. Once the children are placed and custody is given to that family member they will not be able to just let another family member take the children.

By the way its my understanding that social workers are bound by federal hippa laws and can not disclose to your aunt or anyone outside their agency that you contacted her as a possible placement.

sun · 05-06-2008, 02:28 PM

If you can find out the name of the social worker (assuming CPS is involved) you don't have to say anything about your aunt/uncle. Just express that you're interested in having the girls placed with you.

I can only speak for in OH where we tried to get custody of dh's nephew - we had to pass a background check and have a homestudy - just like if we were pursuing becoming foster parents to a stranger. We passed all that - but ultimately the judge decided to leave the nephew with his foster family because we were unwilling to take his brother (not related to my dh) and we were in the process of moving out of state - only 40 minutes away, but still.

Anyway - if you express an interest - throw your hat int he ring so to speak - then the courts will decide based on background, home study, etc. where the girls would be better off placed. If you go this route definitely get a lawyer - we were not allowed to speak at any of the hearings and I think we would have benefitted from having a lawyer with us - having a lawyer would have given us a voice because s/he would have been allowed to speak.

If CPS isn't involved then I suggest calling them and reporting the abuse so they can start taking the proper steps to get the children to a safe place.

Jakes_Angel · 05-07-2008, 01:42 AM

well right now my aunt and uncle have the kids but it is temporary until they decide if they are going to let the mom and dad have the girls back. but it doesnt matter anymore it looks like they are going to let them have the girls back...plus I am not sure they will let me have the girls anyway because I am only here for 6 months and then we are moving back to WA...I basically have given up on the idea...I jsut hope that they get away from their mother...I hate that she bit her babies and my cousin...I wish I could get a hold of her for jsut one day...give her a little dose of my reality. see if she is a little more grateful for what she has.

novachick · 05-09-2008, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jakes_Angel

well right now my aunt and uncle have the kids but it is temporary until they decide if they are going to let the mom and dad have the girls back. but it doesnt matter anymore it looks like they are going to let them have the girls back...plus I am not sure they will let me have the girls anyway because I am only here for 6 months and then we are moving back to WA...I basically have given up on the idea...I jsut hope that they get away from their mother...I hate that she bit her babies and my cousin...I wish I could get a hold of her for jsut one day...give her a little dose of my reality. see if she is a little more grateful for what she has.

Are the Aunt and Uncle deciding whether your cousins should get them back or did CPS give your Aunt temp custody? 'Cause if you're going to wander to another state, and leave a child abuse situation on-going without reporting it---that's WRONG. I know you don't want to cause waves in the family, but those babies are more important than your feelings, your family ties, or your wishes to have them as your children. Your aunt and uncle aren't qualified to long-term monitor the cousins if they get the children back, and they have no rights to the children unless the LAW gives them custody, if they don't give them back! Either way, you need to stop being wishy-washy for whatever reason and report what's going on to someone with the authority to actually make the situation better. And do it while the kids are still young. I really hope you mean CPS got involved.