Sorry for the title ladies, aren't they all 'biological'. We conceived our DS through ivf/icsi and are so grateful. He is now 3 and we have been considering adoption for a few months now and believe this is the route that is meant for us this time. Have any of you come across any ugly comments regarding this. I mentioned our plan to my mil and she responded with, 'oh no, it wouldn't look like my Jacob'. Well I was just blown away. I couldn't say anything. I told my husband later and he was surprised, but wouldn't talked to her about it. My dh is a wimp when it comes to his mom. I just don't want her treating our kids differently. My family seems to be fine with it. I haven't told my brother yet, he might have a wierd comment, but I would defend my family!
Don't get me wrong ladies, ultimately, it doesn't matter what others think, but it sure can make things a lot more difficult.
i come across stupid comments all the time.. but it only hurts when it comes from family.. when your pregnant the first thing a person ask is "when are you due" when you say your adopting the 1st thing they say is "cant you have child".. now how rude is that ! Just tell her that this is the choice you and your husband have made.. accept or dont.. it wont change our minds but it could change how much time our children see you
You'll find most of us do use the term biological or sometimes "homegrown". Not sure I like the latter so I do use the former term. I don't think it's insulting because my first child was born from me and I don't really know of another way to describe it.
I haven't really come across too many stupid bio vs. adopted comments. I guess my biggest one, and I heard it again this week, is "I know she (Jess) isn't adopted, she's your own". Meaning, they could tell Emily was adopted & Jess wasn't so they needed to point that out to me.
Neither of my children is "my own" to begin with, yet they are both "mine", KWIM? That was tough to explain in writing! lol
But....I think along the way, and for our whole lives, we are going to run into ignorant people and people who don't even know what to say so they say something stupid. The best thing we can do is educate everyone we can and maybe someday all of this will be as "natural" as giving birth ourselves!
I am using China Adoption With Love for our 2nd time and couldn't be happier. I have run into many people using GWCA and so far no negative comments that I know of.
Best of luck--be sure to keep us posted!
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Happily married for 19 years & mommy to 3 beautiful daughters
~13 year old (born preemie @ 24 weeks), 5.5 year old & 3.5 year old (both born in China!)~
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I am using Great Wall China Adoption, though we just started the process so it's hard to tell so far. I have heard good things about them though, one reason we chose to go with them.
I agree with the previous poster, there will always be ignorant people out there that will say things without thinking, and like you said, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It's your family and your choice. Good luck!
__________________ Jessica
ttc # 1 since July 2001
Surprise BFP 12/19/05
Evan was born August 23rd, 2006!
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No matter what, people will always come up w/ a stupid comment and then think that it's ok to say/ask those things! Sometimes you just have to either ignore it or say something back to them!
Like Lisa, we're using CAWLI for the adoption & Gladney for the HS (since they're in a different state, we have to use a different agency for the HS).
Good Luck!
Traci
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My son was adopted from Ukraine and we never get questioned on his parentage. However with Ava coming I know we will. Hopefully it wont be too hard on them since we ALL look different.
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I tried to post once but lost it. So, if two posts come up, sorry! We have one bio daughter (4 years old) and we adopted our newest daughter (now 2 years old) from Ukraine in 2004. My husband, older daughter and myself are Causasian and our newest daughter is CC/African and looks mostly African. So, it's clear to others that she was adopted and we have heard some doozies in the last (almost) year since we brought her home. I've been asked if she feels like she is mine yet. I've been asked if we can take her back if it doesn't work out. And there has been many comments about her being bi-racial. Fortunately, we don't get this stuff from our family...mostly just strangers. We do our best to keep our cool and just educate people on why their comment or question is ignorant. It's hard because I don't want her feelings to get hurt someday when she can understand comments like this. Also, our older daughter has never (NOT ONCE) asked why her new sister has different color skin or curly hair or anything like that. She just loves her dearly! So, I just dread when they start understanding that some other people view her as different. If only I could keep them young and innocent forever! All we can do it prepare them the best way we can. Anwyay, we don't see our daughters as one is bio and one is adopted. They are just our girls...plain and simple. Good luck to you.
Adoption after biological child 
We conceived our DS through ivf/icsi and are so grateful. He is now 3 and we have been considering adoption for a few months now and believe this is the route that is meant for us this time. Have any of you come across any ugly comments regarding this. I mentioned our plan to my mil and she responded with, 'oh no, it wouldn't look like my Jacob'. Well I was just blown away. I couldn't say anything. I told my husband later and he was surprised, but wouldn't talked to her about it. 
My dh is a wimp when it comes to his mom. I just don't want her treating our kids differently. My family seems to be fine with it. I haven't told my brother yet, he might have a wierd comment, but I would defend my family! 
