Adoption birth mothers

jennlynnmahan · 02-17-2005, 07:28 PM

Dh and I will probably be looking into adoption soon if ttc doesn't start looking more positive. More than likely we would like to adopt from within the U.S. primarily because of the financial costs of international adoption. I will be the first to say that I know nothing about adoption and the only person that I know who has been adopted is my dad and he has never really talked about it. From what I understand, you can begin working with a birth while she is still pregnant...but my main question is about her rights after the baby is born. I think it would be much worse to live in fear that she might change her mind and want the baby back. Any advice/comments would be greatly appreciated.

Constance · 02-17-2005, 07:33 PM

Hi,
I dont really know to much about it but.
I have a friend that gave her baby up as an open adoption.
This means the family she gave her child to can contact her at any time. they send her pictures and give her updates.
Recently the little girl wanted to meet her birth mom so they met up some place and just hung out. If you want more private you can opt for a closed adoption. there is no contact with the birth mother until the child is 18. At which point it is up to the child to contact the birth mother.
sorry dont know more. Good luck

~Traci~ · 02-17-2005, 07:44 PM

We are just starting the process of an international adoption. There is a misconception that international adoption is very expensive. It is not very expensive. Ours is going to be about $18,000 including a 2 week stay in China spread out over 9 months to 1 year. From what I have read, domestic adoption can be higher depending on the state that you live in & the laws in that state. Same thing w/ the rights of the BM after the baby is born. Because of the uncertainty of domestic adoption, we opted to go w/ international adoption. I think what you should do is keep an open mind & investigate both options. There are 3 types of domestic adoption. Open: The BM (birth mom) & AP (adoptive parents) exchange information & keep in contact. Semi-open: Both parties send pictures about every 6 months or so...this varies depending on how much contact you & BM really want. Closed: This type is hardly ever done these days. This is no contact at all. There is also agency adoptions which are adoptions done through adoption agencies and independant adoptions which are adoptions done w/ the assistance of an adoption attorney.

From what I've read about adoption laws, they vary widely from state to state. In the state of TX (where we live) we would have to exchange information w/ the BM whether we wanted to or not. We were definately not comfortable w/ this at all. That was one of the factors when decideing about adoptioin. The other issue was that there is no cap on medical costs of the BM & baby so it could be thousands of $$ in medical expenses w/ no insurance covering it.

You just have to investigate everything possible in order to make an informed decision.

Good Luck!
Traci

~Lisa~ · 02-18-2005, 01:05 AM

Well first of all I have to say good luck on your journey. We adopted in the U.S more of a private adoption. We found the B.M by word of mouth and did work with her BEFORE the birth. She actually stayed with us until our daughter was born. I think there are things that you have to take in consideration with every adoption. For instance International adoption isn't neccesarily more exspensive, depending on what country you go thru, agency etc. Because for one you could have to pay for the medical exspenses or even living exspensive, court cost, lawyer fees, home study fees etc. Unless however you did foster care. That might be a option you might want to consider. Of coarse like you say there is the fear of them coming back and changing their mind. I do know that in Arkansas The consent can be signed anytime after birth, with us in Illinois it was 72 hours we had to wait. Time to revoke it in Illinois was 72 hours after birth and in Arkansas it is 10 days. We had to wait 6 months for the adoption to be finalized in Illinois where as in Arkansas it is 11 days afterwards. If I were you I would maybe find a good lawyer and find out about costs, options and get the word out there that you want to adopt. People do still come forward that they want to place their child up for adoption without going thru a agency. A lot of the time all they want is to have pictures etc.
I myself have went thru a lot with my daughters BM and family. We now talk but it's been a rocky road. I said to myself that I would never go thru this again. So we are now going to go with China adoption.
It's just a matter of finding out what works best for you.
There is many ways to afford adoption. Just research the best you can. Buy books and read them. Go to sites and talk to people. You can never be uneducated on the subject.
My brother was adopted and things have changed so much thru the years since my parents adopted him.
Laws change a lot.
Oh yeah you will have to have a pre placement homestudy before the child in Arkansas.
I've got this out of the Adoption Book for Dummies. Yes they do make these books for everything!
You might want to check out http://www.forums.adoption.com and look at the differnet adoption options out there. I go there a lot!
If you ever want to talk to me about anything. Please feel free to email me at believe_n_destiny@yahoo.com for some reason my pm's airn't working on this site.
My best to you.

jennlynnmahan · 02-21-2005, 02:48 PM

Thank you all for your info. We are definitely going to do more research and you all have opened my heart up more to international adoption. It is just so hard to know which would be the better option for our circumstances. Definitely going to check out the Adoption for Dummies book!

jennlynnmahan · 02-21-2005, 03:58 PM

Thank you all for your info. We are definitely going to do more research and you all have opened my heart up more to international adoption. It is just so hard to know which would be the better option for our circumstances. Definitely going to check out the Adoption for Dummies book!

jennlynnmahan · 02-21-2005, 04:03 PM

Thank you all for your info. We are definitely going to do more research and you all have opened my heart up more to international adoption. It is just so hard to know which would be the better option for our circumstances. Definitely going to check out the Adoption for Dummies book!

~Lisa~ · 02-21-2005, 04:46 PM

It is hard but once you look at all your options that you have and what route you want to go, it will come to you. It took me a few weeks before I decided on China actually.
I'll be thinking of ya!! ((Hugs))

~Traci~ · 02-21-2005, 06:31 PM

It took us time as well to decide on China... We casually talked about it previous but then when we had to decide we couldn't make up our minds... It was either China, US, or Korea; we went w/ China b/c of the great program they have, the costs & the time.

Good Luck!
Traci