adoption is such a mental/emotional rollercoaster ride....

babygirl18905 · 10-10-2008, 03:03 PM

OK ladies I'm back to the getting serious to adopt again phase, we have been looking for a bigger house, as well as finding DS a sibling and extending our family and it has been the worst rollercoaster ride for all of us

I recieved a letter in the mail last month saying our home study either needs to be updated ($800.00) or it will expire and we will have to start the whole process over (1200.00) right now we don't have the money since DH has been helping his bio son pay for college tuition, groceries, etc..... I sometimes feel sorry for our baby boy though I babysit throughout the week and on the weekends when I have no kids here DS seems to get depressed all he wants to do is lay on me and call the 2 kids names I watch regularly, doesn't want to eat, play or anything

We were looking into doing fostercare but then I started thinking maybe not such a great idea what if DS gets attached then the kids leave what kind of toll will that take on him?

My son is very sensitive to others, there is this other little girl that comes every once in a while and and when DS doesn't see her for weeks all I here is him calling her name, (every night he asks for the 3 kids at least 100 times before he finally falls asleep!) when they finally do bring her she's all upset because she's not use to being here but DS will walk up and hug her, and give her toys to play with when she cries. I saw this little boy on an adoption website I inquired about him and the social worker called back, said they were going to have a hearing to see if they could find a family member for him first BUT, I should still submit my home study. I feel so overwhelmed like I have 4 months to find a sibling for DS or who knows how long it will be before we are able to complete the home study again and start over I want DS to have a sibling close to his age not be 5-6 years old before we find him a brother or sister

anyone else feel like this before or am I just trying to jump the gun?

LadyBugg · 10-10-2008, 05:15 PM

I do totally understand your feeling. Hopefully this boy turns out to be the one for your family, but either way things will be as they're meant to. I know that doesn't always help but sometimes it helps me to remember that God has a perfect plan. Keep us posted.

calches · 10-11-2008, 12:46 PM

Could you do foster to adopt with intent being adoption. Where you would only take in kids that had very little percantage of going back. Or children that had already been TPR. That would cut down the risk as well. You can tell the S/W that you are looking with the full intent to adopt. I know that that is a 100% guarantee but that is better than nothing, and I am assuming in your state that your h/s would be through the state and that they would pay for that. JMHO. Good luck!

acrosaz · 10-16-2008, 02:55 AM

I totally understand. I had major anxiety about my daughter's lonliness before we got our son. I mourned the fact that she would never have a sibling close to her age, then we adopted a little boy 16 months older than her and they are inseperable. I think it's a totally righteous desire to have a sibling for your son and I hope you figure things out soon. We are in that same stage - buying a bigger house, not sure when to proceed with another adoptiong. Might even consider more fertility treatments. I think these decisions are so hard. I wish you all the best in your journey and your litte boy sure sounds like a sweetheart.

babygirl18905 · 10-16-2008, 02:18 PM

Thanks ladies I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with these anxieties and stress about my baby being lonely and growing up that way. I just keep checking adoption sites and even have inquired about kids that have potential matches just incase they fall through. I wish everyone the best of luck in the process of either adoption or trying for your own biological child it is hard but we will all make it through it

babygirl18905 · 10-22-2008, 02:42 PM

Just wanted you ladies to know I called again about the little boy on the website I previously told you about and the lady said they have not figured out what is going on with him yet

She says they have received my home study and transfers me to the woman who has it and she says to me yes we are still accepting home studies right now we have about 30!!! What are my chances 1 in 30, not sure if that is such a good thing

Then she says to me oh yeah you should also be prepared to know a family member from another state is interested in him we are not sure how that is really going to go since she has not started a home study or any other requirements at this time but here is the name and number to the social worker who has the little boy's file. Since then I have inquired about at least 20 other kids and so far have gotten 5 responses saying sorry but the child has been matched to their adoptive homes which is a great thing for the kids, but am just wondering how things are going to work out for us

dakotabluebaby · 10-23-2008, 03:14 PM

I would try to see if you can look at the children in your state who are not web sited yet through your SW.

Most of the time by the time they get to the website a resource is found or will be so quickly for the younger children.

Our SW said to look on the website to get an idea about kids, but that the chances we would ever meet any would be slim to none.