Advice please...

Alwayz_yourz · 04-11-2008, 12:54 PM

I need some advice. I have been looking at different websites about anxiety and Social Anxiety Disorder. I am trying to find something that will allow me to explain to my boss what I go through and how I feel.

I graduated from college in August and started my first 'real' job in September. I am the Staff/Cost Accountant for a manufacturing company in MN. There are two other people, besides my boss, in my department: an assistant and a cash/asset manager. Lately, my boss has been pressuring me to answer the main phones. Our company has a receptionist that is perfectly able to answer them, and 4 other back ups if she can't. Our phone system is weird...you can't just send a call to another person's phone, you have to go over the intercom and page them.

Every time I hear the phone ring, I get this feeling inside me. It's like a huge ball, and I want to run, but I'm paralized. I worry about answering it wrong, or about having to go over the intercom, or not knowing what to tell them... I know that there is no reason for me to feel like this, but I can't help it.

I had a meeting with my boss about it on Monday about it. He keept pushing me about it, saying that he can't understand why I can't just answer the phones because I do such a great job with everything they throw at me. And that I shouldn't make such a big deal about it. He kept pushing and pushing...so much that I started to cry...right in his office. And he acted like it was nothing! He still kept on and on about it!

Yesterday, I overheard some co-workers talking about me. They were saying that I probably started to cry to try to get out of it... How did they find out what happened in our meeting unless my boss told one of them. And the bad thing about the whole situation is that I can't go to HR because he is the HR manager!!!!

My parents said that I should tell him that it IS a big deal TO ME and I would like him to stop harassing me. How do I go about doing this?? Should I give him a website to look at that explains anxiety?? Do I look for another job?? Should I talk to someone else within my company about it?? I need help...

soulfulqween · 04-11-2008, 01:13 PM

I would be cautious in saying anything else to him.

CLEARLY he is a horrible boss and HR manager if he was comfortable relaying the details of a closed door meeting. That in it's self is a HUGE HR violation and he could be reported for that. If not within the company then to an outside agency (OSHA).

I can't imagine what it must be like for you at work, and people that you may or may not know well discussing it does not help in the slightest. I'd say for your own benefit maybe getting a counselor would help.

To handle your boss directly you could either set him straight let him know what you know about him discussing the meeting and that you don't appreciate it and don't expect it to happen again.

You could try going over his head to his boss if that is something you are comfortable with. He had no problems discussing you with others, so I don't feel as though you are breaking the chain of command by going over his head to his higher up.

Don't let people walk all over you because they'll never stop.

I hope this situation works out for you.

daph · 04-12-2008, 10:20 PM

I have generalized anxiety disorder and effexor xr has helped with it greatly. I had a previous boss much like yours and he too did not understand. heck- at the time, I didn't understand! I had a few women at work that helped me in situations that made me uncomfortable. Talking to him did nothing but make things worse...I finally had to get on meds and THANK GOD found a better job. Be true to yourself and remember, your mental health comes first! Do what you have to do! Sending (((hugs)))!

Alwayz_yourz · 04-15-2008, 11:08 AM

Thanks for the suggestions.

I know that I should say something to him... I can think of a million things when I'm not at work, but I just can't seem to get them out. I hesitate to bring it up because I'm hoping everyone will just forget about it. I'm not comfortable going to anyone else in the company because they all seem so...idk...friendly? I think if I talked to anyone else, it would be like opening a can of worms for me and make everything worse. I pretty much work alone all of the time and don't really talk to anyone... Everyone in the office is a lot older than me and they make me feel like I'm too young to know anything.

As for the counciling...I have talked to people in the past. Most recently when I was in college and needed help taking my speech class. It was mostly focused on my anxiety of speaking in front of people.

I would never consider taking meds for anything unless it is absolutely necessary. I'm not saying that they aren't helpful for a lot of people because I know they can be. It's just my personal choice.

soulfulqween · 04-15-2008, 12:18 PM

There is no reason for you to work in a hostile work environment.

I hope that you find a way to change your situation.

Best...

:

Pandora1151 · 04-21-2008, 01:06 AM

I think you work for the same guy I used to work for! What a jerk! My advice is to find another job if you can. Yes, you have rights that you could fight for but for this type of problem, is it worth the effort when there's nobody in the company to back you up and you would have to get outside help? Then you'd be labeled as a whistleblower too. You don't need that when you're just starting out. If you didn't have an anxiety disorder, I might encourage you to go for it but it's not worth the extra anxiety it would cause. I live in Michigan so I know that is sometimes easier said than done but if the job market is good where you live, get out. Life is too short to spend it in situations that make you unhappy. Just make sure that your next job is more structured and that you won't have to do too many duties outside of your job description or you will run into the same problem. You should probably stay away from small companies because you will be expected to learn many different roles and your job description will be more blended. Don't take meds if you don't have to. Try a cognitive-behavioral therapist if you decide to go to one. It takes practice to overcome anxiety/social disorders. Good luck!

LoLo32382 · 04-21-2008, 01:41 AM

I know you said you are against taking meds, and that is totally respectable. I hate them and try to take as few as possible, ha! I developed severe anxiety after having a blood clot last December. My doc gave me Xanax to use as a PRN (as needed medication). When I'm starting to get all freaked out about my impending doom, I take one and feel way more even and rational in about 20 minutes. Again, I know you don't want meds, but maybe something on a temporary or PRN basis can get you through until you get things worked out. I'm so very sorry for your situation and for the cruddy boss you seem to have...not cool at all. If it helps, I understand the whole anxiety thing, it's real and it's difficult. Can you get a doctor's note about it to give to the HR department at your work? That might help give you some leverage. Good luck!! =)

Kali · 04-22-2008, 04:20 PM

Worked in and taught HR for years at a college... so, here's a thought.
I would talk to your doctor/therapist and have a note to give to Human Resources. Perhaps HR can have a joint meeting with you and your boss to explain that this is a medical condition that needs to be treated as such, i.e. with all the respect it is due under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Since it's an "extra" part of your job, you shouldn't need to do it. Not answering the phone is a reasonable accommodation under ADA.

Pandora1151 · 05-03-2008, 09:52 PM

Not related to the job, but the anxiety. Did you know that estrogen dominance causes depression and anxiety? If you have your progesterone levels checked, you can determine if you have estrogen dominance. If your progesterone is low, you can have natural progesterone made at a compounding pharmacy that will match your own body's progesterone exactly and it's made from all natural plant ingredients. Although it is "technically" a prescription drug, it is like replacing your progesterone with your own progesterone so no side effects, problems, etc like with synthetic drugs. It can be a lifesaver. I know this from experience. This is different from natural progesterone creams you buy OTC. Those are usually very low dosages, not matched to your own body, and depending on the ingredients may not have the same absorbancy. This would be in the exact dosage you need and matched to your own progesterone.

bkaur26 · 05-10-2008, 08:31 PM

My advice on this issue would be to just look for another job on the sly. Given that your boss did not respect your privacy by keeping the discussions at your meeting only between the both you, I don't think sitting down and trying to talk to him about social anxiety is going to work. He obviously seems to be an unprofessional and inconsiderate person. I wouldn't want to work for someone like that in the long run anyway...
You mentioned that you started working in September for this firm. If you start looking now, you will definitely find a better position for yourself by September. I'm saying that only because switching jobs around September would give you a full year's experience and it wouldn't look so questionable on your resume either. i.e. if you switch jobs now, future employers may question why you spent so little time at your previous full time job. After September, you can just say that it didn't turn out to be an optimal match for you. Also, by then you'll have had a chance to see if your boss is more considerate and respectful of your feelings.

By the way, how long has this been going on??? I mean how long has it been since you started answering the phone and felt this way? I'm only asking because I recently started a new job and I felt just like what you're feeling. I would get all nervous on the phone and worry about saying the wrong thing, etc. Usually I don't feel like that, but I was new to this job and wasn't familiar with the environment I was in which made me very nervous about dealing with people on the phone. I must say that even though I didn't go through anything similar to your experience, my coworkers were not very helpful either. I was basically expected to gain traction from day one, but I eventually grew out of the situation. All I'm saying is that, if you give yourself some time, you may just grow out of these feelings. I'm not underestimating the implications of a social anxiety disorder. All I'm saying is that try to be yourself on the phone and always remember that the person on the other side must really need your help because that's why they're calling you. All they can do is appreciate you for helping do what they need done. Even if and when you do switch jobs, you will still have to talk to people on the phone...

But given your situation, even if you do grow out of this, you're boss seems to be a total a** (excuse my language) and I wouldn't stick with him too long. He obviously doesn't care about his employees and he doesn't deserve a hard working employee like you.