All About Courage with Missy Good

Gift · 10-04-2003, 01:16 PM

"Courage, her mother had once told her, was not simply the fact that you weren't scared of anything.. it was being scared, and doing whatever it was anyway. Courage was dealing with your fears, and not letting them rule you. "
-Missy Good

I learned to SCUBA dive this summer. It was a truly amazing experience. And it tested me in every way possible. Was I too big to be able to do it? Was I talented enough? Was I "good enough"?

That last one... that was the hardest for me to overcome. I have struggled with the "am I good enough" question all my life. Almost every partner I have had in my life... has reflected back to me that I am not good enough. Not because *he* believed it, but because *I* did and I let that be acceptable. Because *I* believed it. I *wasn't* pretty enough. I *wasn't* smart enough. I *wasn't* thin enough, talented enough... fill in the blank.

After ending an 11 year relationship this past winter, I went to Hawaii this summer - On the trip that was supposed to be my honeymoon. Instead of being sad and bitter about it, I looked at it as a chance in my life to make a *different* choice about how I felt about myself. I started exercising. Started walking. Started *liking* myself before I left. Surrounded myself with people who reflected back to me "you *are* good enough" until I really began to believe it. It has been a slow process... you all know how difficult losing weight is and learning to *like* yourself. But I didn't care. And I wasn't going to let my weight or my fears stop me from learning to SCUBA.

I put on all the gear. It was heavy. Plus my weight I was a little nervous I wouldn't be able to get into and out of the water. It didn't stop me. I put my face under the water with the regulator in my mouth and for a moment, I panicked! Then... AIR! I got it... and began to breathe normally. I *loved* it.

After all my preliminary tests, it was time to go into open water. I was in Hawaii and we went to a bay with dolphins and 3 or 4 dozen sea turtles. I didn't want to leave the water. I felt weightless and proud that I had accomplished what I set out to do... well, until I had to get out of the water. Then it happened.

I couldn't get out. The rocks and the water kept dragging me back in... I started to panic. My instructor was trying to talk to me, but I couldn't hear her. I just got caught in the "you can't do this words running through my head". THIS is when courage truly shows and when you realize that sometimes it takes the love and compassion of another to help you hold the mantle of courage. My instructor Mara bent down and looked me in the eye and said, "MaryKatherine listen to me. Stop. Relax. Wait for the next wave. You *can* do this. Believe in yourself." Suddenly, I was filled with the knowledge I *could* do this. She stood there watching me. The next wave came, my hands hit the rocks. I felt them hold. I swung around and I got out.

Then the next part of courage. Forcing myself to get back in. We had three more dives we had to make, and I did *not* want to go back in. I had done it, right? I had made it out and in and swam with the turtles... It was all good... right? right?

No. The big test was getting back in, knowing how difficult it was to get out. I didn't want to do it. And again, she looked at me and with no room for my panic said to me, "Get in. You *can* do this. I'll be there." Together we developed a plan to make it easier to get out on the rocks and I agreed.

It was the best decision I ever made. And as a reward, on my last dive I saw an amazing 8' shark about 20' below me. While a shark might scare you... it was a message to me. 'Get beyond your fear' it said to me. That is where your true strength lies.

I have never felt so accomplished in my life. Losing weight has been an accomplishment as well, but learning to SCUBA? Making myself go back into that water when I just wanted to RUN? Good for me.

Have any of you had similar experiences. Where you pushed past a fear or a barrier and were proud of yourself afterwords? Tell us about it... Tell me because I know how good it felt. And sharing that will strenghten us all.

Blessings to you all,