Almost the 1 year....

AngelMama0914 · 09-04-2006, 06:36 PM

Hey girls-

So the next week and a half to two weeks are going to be the hardest for me. I just recently went on full time at work, moved into a new place, and got a new car. But not that...thats the good stuff, the stuff that will keep me busy through the hard times...September 7th 2002 I got new thats my father had passed away very suddenly at work. I was 19 years old. He would only be 54. Last year, September 7th, I went for my 10 week prenatal visit, for my doc to tell me everything was great. A week later at 5:03 Am I gave birth to my little itty bitty baby boy Evan. At a little over 11 weeks, i knew what love was. To fall in love at first sight. It is possible because it happened to me. Now with his 1st heavenly birthday coming up and my fathers 4 years. My heart is breaking. Not only that. My grandmother whom helped raise me and my brother is going in for serious surgery tomorrow. I cant tell anyone this because they dont understand....But I begged pleaded for her to make it through this tomorrow. Shes 89, I cant afford to lose someone so close to me in September. I find myself crying just staring off into space crying. I carried my sons crib into the new place today, as I am not ready to let it go, or hoping to fill it someday....and cried, got so mad, I carried a 50 lb box up a flight of stairs with no problem. its just there, the pain. Im happy for once my life is going great, but the saddness I carry with me is eating me away. I knew this month would be hard, but I was hoping for something better. The beginning isnt so great. I just gotta keep plugging forward with this. I just needed to vent. Ive gone and seen someone, but right now I dont want to do that, she told me I could come see her whenever, even if its after. Ive read a lot of books. One of the books ive read is called "The Christmas box" I dont know if any of you have read it, or heard of it, but let me recommend it! Very good book in the book theres a statue " The Angel of Hope" A statue built in honor of us...mommys daddys familes....with a lost baby...or babies. A place just for them all of them. When I lived in Florida, there was one in the local cematary. Went there often. Have a beautiful pic of me with it. Its given me hope, and now over the next few weeks I will be reading another book by the same author in hopes it helps me through. I hope over the next few years this pain gets easier to deal with...and that crib gets filled!!!

VivC · 09-05-2006, 11:02 PM

((Heather)). I'm sorry you have so many sad anniversaries at once! It definitely makes it harder than coping with just one of them at a time. I lost my dad on 5/8/01, my grandma on 4/30/03, and conceived my angel baby boy on 4/30/04! I'm always so sad when the end of April comes around.

You'll make it through this, but please reach out if you need to vent!

Viv

AngelMama0914 · 09-06-2006, 12:18 AM

Thank you so much Viv. I really appriciate it. Good news, Grams fine, so far, prayers are needed for her. But everything is alright, her blood presure dropped and they did a blood transfusion. But she is a fighter and shes fighting this good. Im so proud of my grandmother as weird as that sounds. I might sound selfish but I need her still. My son was due in April, April 10th, 2 days before my birthday, I dont like April either Viv, I share that pain. Something only we understand!! Thanks so much for the warms thoughts!! I swear its something you feel in the air!!

SheriKCMO · 09-06-2006, 05:11 AM

I hope each September is easier for you. (((Hugs))) I'm so glad your grandma is okay. My thoughts will be with you through this rough time!!

VivC · 09-06-2006, 06:55 AM

Heather, I'll definitely be praying for your Grams.

Viv

LilyHoff · 09-06-2006, 06:06 PM

Just wanted to send you a hug as I know what you are going through.

Hang in there.

AngelMama0914 · 09-06-2006, 11:55 PM

Thanks again girls-
Everything seems to be working out in some way. Not going to question it, just glad its happening. I actually called to make an appoitment for my road test and not thinking I made it for the 14th, maybe thats a sign that my little boy will be with me that day and I will pass!! Yes I am a late bloomer when it comes to driving LOL!! More responcible that way I think!

Thanks again

packerfan · 09-07-2006, 05:10 AM

Heather, sorry September has had so many negatives. Hopefully next September will bring lots of happiness. (and this Sept too when you pass your road test---good luck!)

December is my bad month. I m/c 2 weeks before Christmas (2002) and 2 days after (2004). I WILL NOT be TTC in November ever again.

Hang in there.

lovepotato · 09-07-2006, 09:37 PM

Heather, I'm so sorry September has so many bad days. I know my mother has trouble every year during the holidays. Her mom died at the beginning of Nov, and my son died Dec 12. Plus her second husband had cancer and died at the beginning of January.
I'm glad your grandmother is doing better.

Oh, and I'm taking my driving test soon too!! I'm glad I waited till I was older to take it, b/c I don't freak out as much when I was trying to drive with my permit before. Actually, I started driving 5 days after Eric was born. I like to think that he gave me the strength to do it. If God thinks I'm strong enough to be his mother, I'm strong enough to learn how to drive!! Good luck with the test. I definitely think your baby will be there with you when you take it. I think we all have our own personal angels now to take care of us when we need them.

AngelMama0914 · 09-07-2006, 11:55 PM

Hey girls-

It feels so great to see so many of you leaving responces to this! Its a great feeling knowing there are so many women, and men actually who have gone through similar situations that I myself have gone through. September just isnt a good month, but so far so good.

Lovepotato- When is your driving test? I will def keep you in my thoughts for a positive test!! Im hoping that everything will turn out alright that day, which im sure it will. I had my permit before and was VERY nervous everytime I would drive, but the more you do it the easier it becomes and im becoming a pro. I tell everyone that my insurance company should give me 1 year of observation driving for the 5 years I waited LOL. But of course it doesnt work like that!! But im so excited, its a little bit of freedom I dont have yet, and will NEVER take for granted which most 16 year olds do. I know my neice who is 12 was there the day I picked out my car, and her responce was "Now you can drive to the mall without your mom" My responce to that was "No first I drive to work!!" Anyways, I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!