Am I Depressed?????

sassyred · 07-08-2005, 06:22 AM

how do i know if i am depressed??? i have felt sad and lonely my whole life!! like i dont belong n e where! i am fake so that people will like me!! i used to cut on myself all the time(as a teen) and have been having thoughts about doing it again! i have been fat my whole life and im sure that is my biggest problem! i used to think that if i were thinner ( i will never be thin!) that i would be happy and all my problems would just disapear! then i grew up! well kinda, i feel like my mind grew up but im stuck in this rut!!! i dont work, i dont eat right, i dont go n e where, i dont exercise( i sit on the couch all day long ), and i dont talk to n e one n e more!! i think that i am depressed, but i want to know if it is from the pcos, or becuz of all that is wrong with my life??? i am considering gastric bypass surgery (21yrs. old, 345lbs,and 5'3") and i cant make up my mind if i want to do this for my health, or becuz i think all my problems will go away?!?!?! does n e 1 else feel like this???????????? i sit and feel sorry for myself everyday, (maybe i am making myself depressed) is that possible? and i tell people that im sick or dont feel good, when i dont do ne thing that day, or to get out of going somewhere! sad...isnt it? ok well i guess i have gone on long enuff! thanx,

omcv · 07-08-2005, 07:16 AM

I hate to say it but your probably both hon, I totally understand. If you think your depressed you probably are. Here are some signs of being depressed. PCOS does cause depression. I would suggest writing down all of the ones that fit you and take it to your doctor. Sometimes you need a little crutch to help yourself get to where you need to be. It does not to have to be forever, but it can help to go on an anti-depresant. I am on Paxil and it has worked well for me due to my panic attacks and depression.

I was finally diagnosed with PCOS IR last month (doctor said I probably have had this my whole life). I am up to 1500 mg of the Met. Have you been feeling any better on the Met? Have you lost any weight or inches? My doctor said with some women it helps with 30% of the weight loss. I am currently 290 pounds and my husband loves me just the way I am. But I have to do this for myself.

Please don't give up on yourself! I have been where you are! You sound like you have a wonderful husband! My husband is my link to sanity.

I hope this has been helpful. Feel free to drop me a line any time! I will be sure and check in on you and keep you in my prayers!

1. Crying frequently for no reason or at small notice.
2. Sleeping in the day and staying up at night.
3. Staying in a dark room a lot
4. Not enjoying activities that you once loved
5. Not associating with friends and family.
6. Mood Swings
7. Sudden Loss or gain of appetite
8. Trying to commit suicide
9. Drinking
10. Doing drugs
11. Sudden “highs” or bursts of energy and happiness then to suddenly feel depressed again
12. Erratic behavior (ex. Violence when use to be peaceful)

TickledPink · 07-08-2005, 10:42 AM

are you going to speak with your doctor about this?

I know it's hard, but they can help you.

(((((hugs)))))

Suzi33 · 07-08-2005, 11:09 AM

Please speak to a doctor or a conselor about this. Depression is serious, and it can be debilitating. I know you don't feel like doing anything, but try to at least leave the house or just go outside for a while. It might make you feel better. Hope you find the answers you are looking for soon. Take Care

heather090702 · 07-08-2005, 06:02 PM

I know exactly how you feel, besides the cutting, you have described my life.

Onome gave great advice.

I, too, feel like if I were then then all my depression and anxiety about life would go away. I sit at home on my butt on the couch all day and make myself feel worse. I don't eat right and I don't exercise. The only thing that gets me motivated is my DD who is 6 months. I try to take her out as much as I can (which isn't much because I am so uncomfortable). I have to FORCE myself to take a shower and get out of the house. But when I do, I am glad I did.

Gastric Bypass is a serious thing and they won't even do the surgery without you being in the right frame of mind. There is a great group of women in the diet and exercise forum....their thread is WLS Divas. Check them out, they have all had the surgery and are doing great and look fabulous. They can probably tell you about how their mental state has changed along with their weight.

Depression is a serious matter, and cutting yourself is very serious. Please go see a doctor and be honest with them. I also have been known to lie to doctors and therapists and psychiatrists in the past because I hate revealing how mentally unhealthy I really am. I am now on Zoloft for the depression/anxiety and xanax for my anxiety as well. I really find that it has helped.

Please feel free to PM me if you need anything or simply want to chat. We are always here for you. Please try to feel better.

Heather

KatrinaAnne · 07-08-2005, 06:42 PM

Nikki,

**Big Hugs** to you sweetheart. When I read your post I had tears streaming down my face and my heart was breaking. First, when I logged on to your profile I saw your picture and I thought to myself "she is a very beautiful girl," and then I read your post and I found out that you felt differently. Looking at you, I could not understand how you could ever see anything different than the beautiful girl I was looking at, but I know that we are all of ourselves worst critic.

Our beautiful cysters gave you some very wonderful advice. Sweetheart, I think that you are depressed. Depression can be a symptom of PCOS...as I have noticed many of our cysters suffer from depression. I know as bad as you are feeling now hun it seems that there are not going to be better days, but sweetheart there can be and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I agree with all of our wonderful cysters....I think it would be a good idea to talk to a doctor about how you are feeling and maybe they can give you some therapy or medication that will help clear your mind and begin helping you feel better. Once you begin to feel better and your mind is clearer is will be easier to make decisions about everything in your life.

I just want to tell you hun, you are not alone.....and sweetheart, something out there will and can help you. We love you and we want the best for you. Sweetheart, hang in there, there are brighter days ahead. ::Hugs and love::

You are BEAUTIFUL!

amanda_gail_81 · 07-09-2005, 12:40 AM

I just wanted to send you some *hugs* and I also agree with Katrina, I looked at your picture and I thought you were beautiful. I hope you are able to see yourself for the beauty you truly are. Maybe you should talk to a doctor about your feelings...feel better soon.

*pEaNuT* · 07-09-2005, 01:09 AM

((hugs))

heather090702 · 07-10-2005, 01:18 AM

Well I had to go look at your picture since everyone else did and I have to completely agree, you are beautiful. I would give anything for that gorgeous red hair! I've tried to imitate red hair but it just never comes out to pretty.

Are you feeling any better?

Heather

sassyred · 07-10-2005, 06:58 AM

thanx girls for your kind words!!!

i dont really feel n e better, but i havent went 2 the dr. yet either! over the weekend i actually dragged myself to a waterpark (me and my 350 lb a** in a swimming suit) and was ok, i guess! i think that i was having fun so i tried not to worry about what people were saying or thinking when they saw me! i think that i wil talk to a dr.

i put that picture as my avatar for a reason!!! becuz i looked so pretty!! i dont look like that n e more, though! that was like 3 yrs ago and many lbs. lighter!!! thanx for saying that i was pretty!! i wish that i was still pretty!!! my husband says i am!!! i love him so much and if i didnt have him i wouldve already went crazy

!!!! it has been like a week since i went to the endo, and i still havent started my diet!!! i cant get my a** of the couch and do n e thing!! how do you make yourself get off the couch???

yesimln · 07-11-2005, 08:47 PM

Nikki,

First, it would help if you went to the doctor. Making that call may sound exhausting but it's worth it. You'll feel better once you get the plan in motion, whatever it may be. And based on what you've shared here, I agree that it's depression that requires medical attention.

Second, how do you get off the couch? Obvious answer: you stand up. That said, and I know this from experience, easier said than done. I can't speak for everyone's experience with depression, but for me it wasn't that I couldn't stand up - it was that I was overwhelmed by everything I needed to do once I finally got up. The lists of things that had to get done, the demands on me, the cause-and-effect in the universe - I couldn't just take things one at a time. It was all, or nothing. And when I was most depressed, it was nothing because thinking about it all made me NUTS. So my best advice is to do something - one thing, not everything. Get up, and take a walk around the block. And congratulate yourself for doing it. And then chill. The next hour or the next day, take a longer walk. And congratulate yourself for doing it. And then chill. You don't have to do everything - but you really should try to want to do something.

Third, I don't know what you're talking about with not being pretty now but you're definitely in a bad place if you don't see how utterly lovely you are in your wedding photo in your signature. I didn't even notice the Avatar until I read through the thread - I just noticed how happy you and DH looked at your Hawaiian wedding! It lights up the page. You are definitely a beautiful girl, blond or redhead, size 4 or size 24. We can see it if you can't today - so believe us! The consensus for sure is CUTE CUTE CUTE!!

I've suffered with depression most of my adult life, and I know where you are coming from. I've done a lot of work on this myself, both with medication and talk therapy, trying to get out from under it. So, I know what it's like to be where you are. I hope you find your way out of this hole soon. Ellen

omcv · 07-12-2005, 06:18 PM

Checking in to see how you are doing ... I am proud of you for going to the water park. I know from experience that takes courage! Keep up the excellent job! Have a wonderful day!

heather090702 · 07-12-2005, 09:39 PM

You have more courage than you know! To go to a waterpark is some ultimate courage. I applaud you.

I also have to agree, to get off the couch, just stand up and do it. I have a hard time too, like I said, but it HAS to be done. The other day I said to myself, today I am going to get out of this house. I still didn't want to, but I did it. We went and had a visit with my grandmother and we had a wonderful time and I was very glad that I did it.

Please do tell us how you are feeling now.

Heather

sassyred · 07-14-2005, 07:00 AM

well not much better then last time i was in here! sorry to disappoint you all!!!!!!!! i had a really bad day the other day...i was really sick(maybe from the metformin) and all i wanted to do was sit on the couch and cry!!! my dh was supposed to go out with the guys after work and he decided to come home and take me to dinner instead!!! i love him he is so very special!! it was what i needed that day i took a shower ( i needed one after 4 or 5 days) and actually put makeup on!!! we went to dinner and except for me being sick we had a great time just being out of the house together!!! my dh bought me some st. john's wort and said that his brother took it whenever he was depressed! has n e 1 else taken it or heard about it? i am going to asl the pharmacy b4 i take it with the metformin!!!! i still havent made an app. with the dr. !! i was kinda hoping that maybe it would go away on its own!!! yeah right it has been so long i just need to go to the dr.!! i m thinking maybe i'll try the st. johns wort first to see if it works or not!! cant hurt right!? i wish that there was a way to explain all this emotional stuff that im going through with my dh! ive tried but it just doesnt come across the way it needs to! he doesnt like to worry about stuff and that is his excuse to why he doent understand why it is such a big deal with me!! i dunno! see ya later

omcv · 07-14-2005, 07:09 AM

I am excited to see that you are still posting! And no we are not disappointed in you! Just reaching out is a sign of getting better! Congrates on making that first step. Husbands are wonderful, aren't they! My DH has a hard time understand but does his best. Sometimes he blames himself, what has he done wrong .. hmm .. just kidding. I could not do without him and I sure you feel the same way. My DH is from Nigeria where they do not have a lot of depression. His mom is the wash the clothes by hand, tend to you own garden, fix three meals a day kinda gal. Oh do I ever fall short. But my DH never compares me, I think that would put me off the deep end. In the end all we can do is live moment to moment. Be proud of the little steps we take and pat ourselves on the back.