Am I a failure? Am I giving up too soon?

babyme · 07-20-2007, 11:35 AM

My husband and I have been tossing around the idea of adoption over the past year after 7 years of trying to conceive naturally. The last several months have been all about temping, be poked and prodded with needles, exams, x-rays and tests galore, and is the timing right. My husband is supportive of adoption but really wants to have a biological child. Which I understand, I do too but I know that I will love an adopted child just as much as a biological child. How do I know enough is enough?

dna · 07-20-2007, 02:18 PM

Alot of adoption agencies and countries will not allow you to adopt if you are actively trying to get pregnant. For us we just decided enough was enough. I really believe that you just know when it is time...if you still have doubts then dont adopt...adoption needs your full attention and time as the process is often long, time consuming and very much an emotional roller coaster...
Having said that I also dont think there is anything wrong with having bio and adopted children..lots of Cysters here have a good mix of both and it works for them...so for me I never thought it was really the end when we adopted but it was the end of 'medically trying' we simply are not preventing these days.

Good luck ! Be able to adopt is the best thing that ever happened to me

DianasMom · 07-20-2007, 04:28 PM

I think you just know. We had actually only tried for a year, got test done, were told we needed IVF, but insurance co insisted on 3 IUI's first. We did the first 2 IUI's and got BFP. I was at the office starting the process again for IUI #3 and thought, "why am I here, my heart is in China", I got up, told the receptionist I was leaving and never looked back. We went to China in September of 2005 and brought home my DD Diana. I love her with all my heart and soul and could never, ever imagine my life without her. I just knew in my heart that my baby was in China and that was the absolute right decision for us. I honestly believe you will just know in your heart what is right for you. Good luck with whatever you decide

acrosaz · 07-20-2007, 08:37 PM

I don't think you are giving up and I have been amazed that there are not that many people open to adpotion. I say, if you are, look into the process. You don't have to stop trying right now. It takes awhile to get through classes, orientations, picking an agency. You are just keeping your options open. We had started the process when I got pg with my dd. At this point, we are knee-deep in the process and I want to see it through will all my heart. But, honestly, I have always wanted a big family and I would love to have another bio child as well. Like another sister said, it is TAXING. It really is. You have to be prepared for that. I thought we were taking an easier road when we started the process and I would actually say it's been tougher than fertility treatments. All the best to you both in your decision.

calches · 07-23-2007, 04:29 PM

I along with the others that are here don't think that you are giving up. I personally am right there with you. My heart has been set on adoption before dh and I ttc. I am now done ttc. We have been to many drs. and they all said that I was goinig to need to do the IVF for me to get pregnant. We are don't have the finances to do that on something that is not gauranteed. Ppl I have said that to have gotten upset at me for thinking that way, but I want more than anything to be a mom. How I get there is not the point. Dh wants to also adopt, but he is not ready to do it yet. We are looking at starting the process around the 1st of the year. So not to long. For right now, I am working my butt off, saving and praying that God has the right baby for us.

You know the process that you are going to go through. Don't let anyone discourage you from that. q

dna · 07-23-2007, 05:37 PM

I always said that too....That I didnt want to spend money on a procedure that wasnt guaranteed (re:IVF) .. that I would rather put my money towards adoption...

rbmm74 · 07-24-2007, 07:47 PM

Sarah you have to do what feels right for you. I told dh one more iui and let's put the paperwork in for adoption becuase I feel my dd is out their already waiting for us to go and get her. Somewhere in Russia, she's there. I also feel this way because we adopted 2 cats one from aspca who went back and fourth for 3 weeks and one from paws4love who was going back and fourth for three week also. Thats when it hit me that our dd, and possibly ds, is out there waiting to come home

cena · 07-26-2007, 01:55 AM

My husband and I have recently been talking adoption. I have not done too much in the way of fertility treatment. We are just thinking lets wait and Foster to adopt after we get our house remodled. I think it's a great plan. No more crazy hormones!! Then if God decides we should have a bio child then so be it. We will love a baby no matter what.

Miss-Meme · 07-27-2007, 09:00 AM

I don't see what you are giving up. Once you have an adopted child, you don't care where they came from. I love my son with all my heart and I didn't give birth to him. I don't think I could love him more if he came from me!

This is the child that was picked for me. He had to get here a different way. For what ever reason this is how God chose for us to have our family.

Doesn't mean you failed or gave up...means you started listening!! Maybe someones trying to tell you something if you have a feeling adoption is right for you.

babyme · 07-27-2007, 02:28 PM

Thank you everyone for your support! We did it! We registered with an agency!! Since October last year we have been going to differnent informational meetings to gather some insight and then put it off hoping that we would get pregnant but we have finally made the leap, chose an agency after calling and talking with the 3 that we had it narrowed down to and poof as of this morning we are registered and now are waiting for the application so that we can begin the process!!

Prior to knowing that I had PCOS I knew that adoption would touch my life. When my husband and I met 11 years ago I had said that I wanted to adopt. I believe that my heart has always known that adoption would be my way to be a parent...my head just had to catch up! Thank you all again!!

mommavia · 08-01-2007, 08:16 PM

I am glad you made the leap! Good luck with the paperchase! Remember through all of this...YOU WILL BE A MOMMY!
Cynthia

Miss-Meme · 08-01-2007, 09:32 PM

Congrats on taking the leap! What type of adoption are you looking for?

wishingforyou · 08-01-2007, 11:26 PM

I think that you need to follow what is in your heart!

LisaDiane · 08-01-2007, 11:31 PM

I just wanted to let you know that I'm going through the same thing, and that you're not alone in how you feel. I know that "my" child will come to me one way or the other, just not sure how that will be!

spookycyster · 08-06-2007, 06:38 AM

I'm glad to hear that you guys are starting the process. Go with your gut. If you're tired of the fert tx, move on. The fertility treatments are so emotionally, physically and monetarily draining. I can completely understand. We did it all--from clomid to injectibles to two IVF/ICSI/AH cycles. No dice. After our last IVF cycle failed, we had a heart to heart about what we wanted out of life--was it to be pregnant or to be parents? And ultimately, it was to be parents. Three months later, our ds was placed with us at 4 days old. Do I look at him and feel any different towards him because he's not biological? No. He is my son, regardless of how he came to be a part of our family. Even when he's in the throes of being very very very very three years old, I can't imagine my life without him. We have a bio dd (finally found a doc who figured out the right drug combo to keep me preg) and another ds due in December (both babies were concieved naturally). Do I love these children more because they're biological? Absolutely not. Biology does not a parent make, kwim?

Good luck to you. I hope your forever baby is home in your arms very very soon. ((((HUG))))