Amazing...those who call themselves friends

CathyWood · 10-26-2003, 06:57 PM

Yes...I am amazed that when I we told our friends when we were pg were happy. NOW that we have M/C all the friends that we told have not responded or others have and want to spend time with me. MMM...So I guess I will hang out with either one till then. JUST amazing.

Has or did that happen to you?

SouthernComfort · 10-26-2003, 07:01 PM

I am so very sorry for your loss. Maybe your friends just don't know what to say..... I am sure that they don't mean to turn their back on you. My prayers are with you and your family and again I am very sorry.

TracyW2 · 10-26-2003, 07:13 PM

I think they just don't know what to say. I know that is how I would be.

~tracy

sugarhoney · 10-26-2003, 07:37 PM

hi cathy,

i just want to let u know im going throught the same thing right now. i agree with what everyone else has said that maybe they just dont know how to respond...

Adoption Momma · 10-26-2003, 10:29 PM

Well, I didn't even know I was pregnant but I was surprised by some of the reactions I received when I told a few people about my m/c. I had to tell my boss since I was out for 2 days. I figured I would get the typical cold shoulder but instead he offered words of comfort and even had tears in his eyes.

I found most friends supportive but there were a few people that really wouldn't acknowledge it. The other thing I found was that some had the attitude that since I wasn't very far along I shouldn't be upset or grieve like I did.

AmyKathleen · 10-27-2003, 12:19 AM

I think it goes both ways. I have had a lot of friends that have been very supportive but also many that are kind of in an awkward position and don't know quite what to say.

This further solidifies it for me that if I ever get pregnant again, I am not telling a soul until at least 4 months along.

KMRECH · 10-27-2003, 12:46 PM

I am sure you feel like you have the plague. I know I did, and all the well wishes for the chance to get pregnant again, it was not meant to be, it was probaly for the best....... hurt more than helped.
Some people have a difficult time dealing with a loss when you and I are grieving for children that we very much wanted and loved, and in most cases would probaly like to talk about with a friend that we trust.
My two best friends could not, and still do not talk to me about the twins that died. Although it saddens me, I have found others who understand what I have gone through by going to support groups and finding a core group of people to talk to.
My heart goes out to you and your husband. PM me if you would like to chat.
Kris

Kaymara · 10-27-2003, 05:29 PM

I know I felt the same way. I think alot of it is they feel awkward and are unsure of what to say. My best friend would call to check up on me every night (my DH was deployed when I M/C) and she'd always tell me she just didn't know the right words to say.

Again I am sorry for your loss Take care and g'luck!

Huggies · 10-29-2003, 12:34 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My friends did the same thing and I just flat out told them that I really needed them to support me. Then they felt so bad and explained that they were so scared they would say something wrong. I just told them that I just wanted hugs and for them to listen. One of my friends who had a m/c brought me flowers and called me 3 or 4 times a day just to see how I was doing and she lived out of town or I know she would be over here. My best friend, after I told her I needed her, brought me dinner and a shoulder to cry on. But at one point I remember I just needed to be alone too and cry my heart out (ok, it was more than once).

DH was the best support ever, I have to say.

Hugs,
Renee

wvchic1979 · 10-30-2003, 01:09 AM

My condolences on your loss. I know how excited you were. I have a different opinion on the friend thing. Not knowing what to say is no excuse for not offering support to friends in their time of need. There are other ways to show condolences then by words in times mike this. Send a card, send flowers, give money, take food to the family, etc....... When my sister was muredered 8 years ago, i remember the tons of people that came, my parents friends, friends of the family, my sisters friends, relatives. I had only one friend turn out to support me. People use that "I didnt know what to say bit" very often when they are too wrapped up in their own life to bother with others tragedies. And take it from someone has been on the reieving end of the shrugging, you loose a lot of faith and respect in those friends. Since then I have never failed to offer some type of outward condolences for those I claim to care about because I know how it looks and I know how it feels. Then again, you have these friends and relatives that turn out to be your rock and come up with the dumbest, sorriest things to say to offer words of sympathy. WHen you losse someone that fast the last thing you want to hear is I am sorry. I always thought, why are they saying they are sorry, they didnt do anything wrong, cant they come up with anything better than that? ANyhow that is my feelings about so called friends and death and grief ALot of you probably dont agree, but I wont lose any sleep over my feelings. But i will bet that deep down, cathy feels the same way too.
Melissa

PeacefulAngel · 11-01-2003, 04:03 AM

Cathy,

My heart is breaking for you and your husband. If there is anything you need, please let me know. I'll be praying for you dear.

Love
Julie

CathyWood · 11-01-2003, 07:33 PM

Thanks girls...Man...it is so hard to get going on anything. I went to sleep friday night crying my heart out...dh was at work. Then I went to lay down with him to hang out and here I go again. Gosh...I am sick of this.

Adoption Momma · 11-01-2003, 08:21 PM

Cathy hon,

I'm right there with ya. I know how you feel. Yesterday I was thinking about my little angel and realized I would be almost 4 months along had I not m/c.

I don't think we'll ever forget our angels..........

MaLee · 11-02-2003, 05:38 PM

((((((Hugs)))))))) I am so sorry to hear you have miscarried. I have been away from the computer for quite a while and I just saw this post. Like the others ladies, I believe (and hope) your friends just don't know what to say.

Louie · 11-02-2003, 05:46 PM

Also, m/c are surprisingly common and many people have had at least one... but not everyone likes to tell others about them (they regard it as a private matter) and so it could be that some of these silent friends have gone through the same thing and just don't want to open up about it. Anyhow, try not to get offended by their reactions. People act strangely with regard to m/c, that's for sure. Some are so sympathetic and others brush it off as if it were nothing (even some who've been through their own m/c's think nothing of it.) I think it is so very hard for us, because of the added sadness of ttc for so long. And most people don't understand that part of it.