Anniversaries looming

Tetley · 02-25-2005, 01:25 PM

Am on the brink of a few weeks of anniversaries and not feeling too good about it. For starters, this Sunday (27th) its 10 yrs since my Mum died, two weeks into March it will be 10 yrs since my Gran died and on 17th April it will be 20 yrs since my Dad died.

As for my little girl ... 5th March will be a one yr on from when I had my first scan and all was not well. A week later another scan and I was told to expect to lose my baby in the following 48 hours. From then on tests, horrible times with my baby's father and finally losing Connie because of Edwards Syndrome on April 23rd. Then the funeral, on the eve of which my ex dumped me, he took no part in the arrangements and did not attend. I haven't seen him since. When Andy went I didn't see his two kids anymore, whom I idored. He left me grief stricken, homeless and destitute , oh and his scummy friends ostracised me from the town. Small towns, don'tcha just love 'em.

I've been okay, all things considered. I moved and made a new life for myself. Had a great counsellor, gradually recovered. But finding out last week I have PCOS has been a blow. Its sinking in now about the problems I may have getting pregnant again even though when I was caught with Connie, I wasn't trying and on the pill. I can never replace Connie. But I do want children, I waited a long time for the right man and the right man was wrong. And now it's all happening a bit late in life (38) to find out there's a problem.

My friends are lovely but are being "breezy", "Well, you're taking it all well." Am I? You asking or telling? But they really don't seem to be taking in the PCOS thing at all, even though I've been trying to explain. I hoped for more back from them than I'm getting. Just some recognition of what it means to me would be great.

VivC · 02-25-2005, 04:04 PM

Your friends probably can't understand how you feel about the PCOS. You can explain it to them, they can be empathetic once they realize how serious it is, but they can't understand.

I've gotten the "You're so strong" remark from everyone since Rivi died. My life wasn't easy before losing him, and I learned early on to fake it even if I wasn't okay. I somehow manage to keep it together during the day, then fall apart at night. And it's getting easier at night, too. But nobody can understand what it's like except somebody else who's lived it. That's why I love SC. I can find a forum to fit any mood or situation in which I find myself! And there's always somebody who DOES understand.

My recommendation is that you let your friends know what's going on with your health, but don't expect them to be much of a support system. Come here for your support.

As far as pregnancy, lots of cysters get pregnant with no problem. It took me 8 years to get pregnant with Rivi, and I ovulated for the first time EVER the month before he was conceived. Now I ovulate on CD13-18 every single month. So I don't think getting pregnant will be a problem for me again. Maybe you don't have anything to worry about, either!

Your ex sounds like a jack@ss, and I'm glad he's out of your life. You can, and will, do a lot better!

SheriKCMO · 02-25-2005, 07:42 PM

Big Hugs for all of your sad times!! This is an awful time of year for you, and you should tell someone or even more than one friend that you need a little cushion right now... a shoulder to cry on, someone to give you a call every couple of days to talk. No one will understand the PCOS, but almost everyone will understand that you need some comfort in your grief. It would be a good idea to see your counsellor some extra times through this season. I'm so sorry to hear about little Connie and hope that someday you will have the chance to give her a little brother or sister.
Best Wishes,
Sheri

Tetley · 02-28-2005, 02:01 PM

Viv, Sheri - I really do appreciate your replies. I keep bumping into Viv especially on SC and I do feel an allegiance with you. I'm glad I've got people to turn to here, but I am really sorry about the experiences that unite us.

Yes, my ex was a jack@ass. What made it worse was that he settled for the standards of a lesser man than he was capable of being. It wasn't that he didn't know what the right thing was - he knew - he just couldn't be bothered to do it. I am better off without him.

I was over the moon to be pregnant with Connie. I hope I do go on to have more children. But if I lost again... I just have this creeping cold feeling that I've messed up. That the thing I would be really good at and really want in this life is to be a mother and that I've left it late and now there's the added dimension of PCOS. I am relieved its not the early menopause my mother seemed to have.. nearly 40 years ago there wasn't the information there is now, I think Ma assumed her irregular cycle and other symptoms were the onset of the change (which went on for years and years ... 15 years later she was still going through it) Now I think she had PCOS (so many things would make sense) so at least the VERY LOUD... can you hear it?... yes that VERY LOUD ticking noise ... of my biological clock ... has quietened down a bit. The anniversaries, I'm bracing myself for.

Why can't the comforting food & drink in life be low GI?

Thanks again.

Tetley xx

VivC · 02-28-2005, 04:03 PM

"Why can't the comforting food & drink in life be low GI?"

Screw it, go ahead and cheat for one day if you really need to (just limit it to one day, okay?).

When I was pregnant, I honestly thought I'd finally figured it all out. This was what it was about, this was what I was supposed to be doing with my life, this is what was most important. And I'm terrified I'll never have it, either. So you're not alone!