Any biracial couples adopting?

Sari · 11-11-2002, 08:42 PM

My husband is Asian (Filipino) and I am Caucasian (German/Irish to be specific) and most of the adoptive couples we run into/hear about are the same race (and mostly both Caucasian). Just looking to see if anyone's in the same boat, and if there are any obstacles you've run into.

Thanks,

rachelmichellek · 11-11-2002, 10:27 PM

ok, so this won't specifically be answers to the questions you actually had... but it's some thoughts i had while reading your post...

i, too, am different from most people "out there" pursuing adoption, since i am 99% sure i will be doing it as a single adoptive parent, so i can begin to imagine just a bit about how you might be feeling... just feeling different...

i have seen other couples online trying to adopt who are of different races, so there are definitely others out there, and you know what, i can't think of any reason it would hinder you in the process, in fact i think it would be more of an advantage than anything else, and the reason i think that is that i think that it shows your mutual acceptance of others of different ethnicities and abitility to embrace different-ness.

i myself am of many races (who was it that decided to categorize all the people of the world into little boxes, anyways?), but am percieved by others as 100% caucasian. and i have dated boys and men of various backgrounds and have been lucky enough not to face *too* much adversity but did get just enough of an experience in my life to just be mad that the world is such that people have to worry about those kinds of things, like harrassment based on what other's perceptions are. it's dreadful to me that people get harrassed because of whom they love. so i wanted to pipe up and say my two cents, that i support you, even if it sounds cheeseball for me to say so and really isn't even pertinent to your questions.

furthermore (and this is a larger statement which may even hurt people's feelings though i don't mean for it to), what does it mean to "be" a race, anyway? they sound like politically-motivated, constructed categories to me. in my opinion, we are all more of a continuum, not born into little cramped boxes with definitions pasted on us by others.

and what does it mean when people check boxes on forms at dating services or adoption forms, "check the boxes of races you will accept." i am always a little offended when i see this kind of question, as it says to me, "only these categories of people get the opportunity to be loved by me. i chose not to give the others the opportunity to experience the benefit of my love." it makes me feel like: "who in the world am i, to pick and choose who i may grow to love, by this kind of category? and who are *you* to ask?!?!" and when i see others' narrowly-defined checked boxes, well, it just makes me wonder about human nature, is all.

openness and loving and openmindedness and embracing differentness and diversity and loving INCLUSIVELY rather than EXCLUSIVELY... these are trends i wish i could see more of in the world, and also in the adoption world.

and i'm sure you didn't mean for your questions to get a rant/response like mine, but you just happened to mention something i would have brought up on this board at some point anyhow...

good luck...

dani2323 · 11-11-2002, 11:24 PM

DH and I aren't looking into adoption yet and we are of the same race but I'm sure as long as you meet the qualifications (financially, health, etc) then you shouldn't run into any problems. Schools, jobs, banks, etc can't discriminate b/c of race and I'm sure this wouldn't be any different! Good luck w/the adoption process

dna · 11-12-2002, 10:11 AM

Sarabelle

Dh and I have been researching the adoption process and countries for about a year and a 1/2 now and although we are of the same race (white) or (caucasian)...we will be adopting children of different races...our first a son will most likely be Asian Caucasian...
My point is .. I have never read anything specifying race in parents...I have heard ..weight, age, marital time and status but nothing in regards to the colour of your skin (I think that might be illegal...or racist or something like that)....BUT its not to say it cant happen...so make sure when you chose your country or are simply researching it that you ask your agency what their experiences are...they will tell you ...

Good luck

Calantha · 11-12-2002, 11:13 AM

As someone who checks those little boxes when she searches the "available children" webpages, I'd just like to point out that not everyone checks them because they are only willing to love a child of a certain race. When I check those boxes, I leave "African American" and "Asian" unchecked. Personally, I would be happy to have a child of ANY race. However, for the child's sake, I am forced to limit my searches.
See, I happen to have several very racist older members of my family. Oh, I'm sure they'd never say anything directly to the child, but a child can tell when he or she is treated differently. A child can understand when all the talking stops as he or she walks into the room. I refuse to put a child through that. I can't change these people, but I can certainly refuse to subject an innocent child to them.
Another consideration for me is where we will live. Currently we live in Chicago, a place where people of ALL races are accepted. They don't always get along, but you're not going to get killed for being a black male in Chicago.
However, DH is from a small town in Idaho. Growing up he lived half a mile down the road from the Aryan Nation compound (who thankfully are no longer there, but their attitude IS, last I heard/saw anyways). If we were to ever decide to move back to DH's hometown (which would take an act of God and probably threats of severe physical harm, I HATE that place!.. but that's another story entirely), we would be putting our child in serious danger. Even to go there for a visit would make me nervous.
I think instead of showing my child all of the wonders of nature, I'd probably have the poor kid locked up in the house and be guarding him with my life! It's been a while since we've been back there, and that fear I have may not even be valid anymore.. but based on my memories of the place, and the knowledge that DH will ALWAYS have roots there, I have to take it into consideration.
Just thought you might want to know the other side of the story.
Good luck to all of you!
-Brandy

cyndl · 11-12-2002, 11:41 AM

Sarabelle,

i'm pretty sure that angencies, lawers ect.. wouldn't have any specifications as to your race/color. but if you do a domestic adoption the birth mom/parents may have a preference. if they are AA or Hisp. and they may only want to see profiles of AA or Hisp. couples. or they may specify that at least one parent be AA or Hisp. and that is the right of the birth parent to choose the parents they want thier children to grow up with. but there are many, many birth moms/parents that have no preference at all. as for foreign adoptions i have never seen one with race restrictions, like mentioned above, i don't think they're allowed to discriminate.

good luck!!
cyndl

Sari · 11-12-2002, 11:06 PM

And no, I don't think any replies are cheesy LOL. I really appreciate all the replies.

(Fingers crossed for all of us)

sfears · 11-27-2002, 05:25 AM

I am not real sure of the issues but hubby and i are thinking about adoption....in a few more years if no pregnancy by then.... He is black and i am white..... we live in Alabama and i have found out that we have a seperate adoption agency in our state just for birracial children .... it is worth looking into.....Good Luck