Any info on how best support a PCOS sufferer?

meerkat · 01-15-2004, 12:27 AM

Hi all,
Great site from what I've seen....

I'm just a concerned friend of a recently diagnosed PCOS sufferer and am wondering if there is any info on how I can best support her?

I've done a bit of reading and she's been great in explaining what she's going through but since she has been (understandably) anti-social and depressed I'm at loss as to whether I should "nag" her to get out and about or let her be.....At times she has reacted favourably to my "harassment" but I fear I may have overstepped the mark on other ocassions. There have been a number of times where we've agreed to do something but when I try and contact her to organise details she is assumably hiding under her doona.

Obviously I don't expect a clear answer to such a vague question - I'm sure PCOS manifests itself in varying ways in different people....but I love this girl to bits so any thoughts would be most appreciated!

PS I noticed the poll (which only accounts for BF's or Husbands) - so was unable to vote. :-) )

Rebecca527 · 01-15-2004, 01:10 AM

I think you're doing just what you should be doing. You're being a friend, listening to her. I find that's what I need most often. Just someone who will listen when I'm feeling overwhelmed about everything. And when she has her days when she is 'anti social' (I call them my hermit days), just give her the space she needs, but let her know that you're there if she needs you. And I commend you on coming to this site to learn more and understand PCOS. A lot of people in my life *know* I have PCOS, but have never taken the time to fully understand exactly what it is, how it affects our bodies, or how it affects me in my daily life. Sure, they see me on the bad days, and try to be supportive. But they don't really understand how much it really affects everything I do, and how frustrating that in itself gets. I can tell you that none of them have ever taken the time to come to this website even just to read anything about PCOS. Well, I take that back...my mother has. But no one else has.
It totally sucks rocks to have your body revolting against you no matter what you try to do. Most people don't understand that fully. I think you're doing a great thing trying to understand what your friend is going through and supporting her through it. Just keep doing what you're doing, you're a great friend, I wish I had more like you!!!

meerkat · 01-15-2004, 02:16 AM

Thanks Becca,

Thanks for your advice!!

It's hard for a non-PCOS sufferer (let alone a guy) to understand what it must be like on a day to day basis. All I see is the vibrant, fun, talented and beautiful side to her. She has described what she goes through when she enters the hermit phase (she uses the term hermit too) but it all seems rather illogical to me. Suddenly she feels unattractive and embarassed to be around others and VERY frustrated that she can't muster up the energy to be out and about doing all the little things she wants to do.....

Her fading energy levels I understand, but her appearance (at this point anyway) cannot be faltered - she's EXACTLY the same beautiful person and THAT's where I think I start to annoy her. When I try and urge her to GET OUT OF BED or tell her that she looks as gorgeous as ever and to tick off something from her list I know my words will go unheeded.

And even if she might not agree and see this for herself (I understand that she will of course feel as low as low from time to time), why should she be so bothered about what others may think of her appearance? Why should OTHERS effectively dictate whether or not she goes for a bike ride or heads down to the gym?

Also I think I've made it clear that I'm always around whenever she needs to chat but it's VERY rare she takes advantage of that.....so do I continue to call her every few days (usually to have the phone ring out) or email or SMS or do I wait til I hear from her? I'm not exactly the most motivated guy around but I find that after about 4 or 5 days I'm ITCHING to see her and see how she's doing so end up calling her whether she wants to hear from me or not......and THAT's where the confusion lies for me.....it's also a little hard at times not to take the rejected phone calls and ignored emails/sms's/smoke signals/carrier pigeons a little personally....

Wow I'm such a nag!

TxHubby · 01-15-2004, 01:46 PM

I'd say just keep doing what you're doing. You're being a good friend to try to help her & find out more about PCOS. All you can do is keep trying & keep being there for her. I know as men, we can never fully understand what the ladies in our lives our going through with this, but we have to keep communicating with them & just be there for them. A lot of the time, they just want us to listen to them & be supportive. Hey, that's the least we can do, right ?

I think she's lucky to have a friend like you, who cares enough to get involved. Just hang in there & hopefully she'll realize that you really do care about her & that's why you do the things that you do.