any truth to this (weight mentioned)

waitingandpraying4baby · 03-16-2008, 06:33 PM

Hi girls! as some of you already know in my previous posts my husband and i are in the process of adopti ng ten year old boys (twins). Last night i was babysitting my best freinds 8 year old little girl and while eating dinner my husband and I were telling her about the boys' she then said " they are not going to want to live here because your to fat!!" it came from nowhere and was like a slap in the face. (needless to say after dinner she stood in the corner) but I cannot help but wonder will the boys dislike us cause we are fat?? that is litterly ALL i have worried about since last night.
Thanks,
Nicole

Melindotty · 03-16-2008, 07:09 PM

I can't imagine that would be true. As long as you love + care for them they will probably be happy to have their new home. Haven't you met them before?

waitingandpraying4baby · 03-16-2008, 07:25 PM

we have not met them yet they are setting up the meeting first with the social worker and therapist then we will meet the boys

calches · 03-16-2008, 08:02 PM

Was the child that said or the adult????

I would let it go in one ear and out the other. From what I've read about the boys and ya'll wanting to be parents I don't think that anything will get in the way. GL!!!!

Keep us posted!

polly-pcos · 03-16-2008, 08:44 PM

I have to say I think it's a load of rubbish, I hope someone told her what a rude thing it was to say. I bet it's a bit of jealousy on her part. Don't worry at all. Kids do say what they think, I'm fat and children have commented on it at school, but never it's usually in a matter of fact way. Be prepared for your boys to mention it, but you need to make it clear that your size is not to be used as an insult- if only someone told that little girl that!

sazzifrazz · 03-17-2008, 03:10 PM

lmao sorry, but I can just imagine your faces when that little brat said that!! wow! if that was my kid i would have wanted to kill her! lol anyways...kids are mean, and if you were skinny, they would find something else to pick on like the shape of your nose, or your glasses etc. These boys are probably going to show some resistance to this MAJOR life change for them but it won't be because your fat, or you have a big nose, or an ugly couch...it will be because this is a stressful event for everyone. don't worry about what you look like, just focus on being the best parent yu can be and you guys will work out the kinks as they come along.

Miss-Meme · 03-19-2008, 11:30 AM

I'm sorry that little brat said that too you! Sounds like her parents need to talk to her!

samstars · 03-19-2008, 04:29 PM

Our son came to live with us when he was 10 years old. He will defend my husband and I to no end if anyone says anything about our weight. I was very scared that he wouldn't like us because we are "fat" but you know he was soooo hungry for love and somewhere to be that he didn't care what we looked like. You may find that these boys don't think anything about it at all. Show them that you care and are interested in them. If you are genuine they will see that. Children are funny because unlike adults they can usually see more of the inside and how you will be with them then what you look like. It is as we grow older that we share our opinions. Your best friends little girl has probably heard something said by an adult and decided to impart her knowledge not understanding how hurtful it was.

I wish you the best, 10 is a great age they are still young enough to crawl up on your lap but yet on the verge of being who they will be......

Stacy

need more info · 03-19-2008, 05:10 PM

:O oh my. You know my knee jerk reaction is to think she was being a snot but I doubt you would volunteer to watch a snot and share your family meal. Honestly, if I my reading is correct of her, she might have been going somewhere far from where you thought she was going with those comments. Kids have a good insight to certain things. It would have been wonderful to ask her to expand on that comment. Asking her why being fat means the new kids won't like you. Not in a mean way but in one that lets you open their thoughts to you in honesty. And if in the end she was being rude it would have been a perfect time letting her know how that hurts your feelings and correct her in a loving manner. If she is normally a rude kid my answer will be different.

My children adore me. Through and through but there are plenty of times when I know they don't like me at that moment. My weight is the last reason. I am more then sure the same with be with your new arrivals. I just saw that your boys will be ten. Oh wow what a great age. They still believe you but start to stretch their wings and thoughts.

Good luck

ps Kids are a reflection of ourselves.

dna · 03-19-2008, 05:48 PM

makes me wonder if she didnt hear it from her parents ? kids generally only repeat what the hear .. i cant imagine an 8 year old saying that on her own .. the fat part yes but that the boys would have issue with it ? i doubt it ..

sad though ..i remember when my friends little one said to me " is Amy not coming with us becuz she is too fat to fit thru the door ?"

lemme tell ya how many easter creme eggs i ate that day

talk about hurt !!

I do not think the kids will care what you look like .. its the love, caring, strength and parenting they are looking for ..

good luck !

Miss-Meme · 03-19-2008, 05:50 PM

samstars,

I've been wondering how you've been!

tashamarie · 03-19-2008, 06:54 PM

omg this reminds me of this lady in the nursing home. She said a variety of things all rhyming(kind of) pretty much all the time, like the man in the house with the cat in the car, she would say it so angrily because she couldn't get out what she was trying to say, she would also regularly say fat and s**t. Non eof it overly clear, till my friend goes by her, then she said loudly and clearly "s**t your fat!!!"
I kind of agree with need more info, she may not understand what she said, she may have heard it from adults, in which case they are the ones who need to be put in a corner as they should know better and raise their child to be respectful.

Tribal · 04-09-2008, 05:38 PM

I know a couple that adopted triplets. The couple is extremely over weight and the children are absolutely in love with them. As overweight people(myself included) we tend to be very concerned about peoples reactions to us and for good reasons. We usually get the brunt of bad attitudes, BUT, children in foster care look for "forever" homes and will be happy with anyone that truly loves and cares for them.

Once they have gotten adjusted and feel safe with you, will they say something mean sometime? Probably, but they would do that to a size 2 mom but with different words. (ie: I hate you, your ugly, have funny teeth, etc) Kids say things like that, it's totally normal, esp ones that have had a hard time in life.

What I'm trying to say is, These kids need you as much as you need them. Don't let some spoiled brat ruin your happiness. If you were thin and had a crooked nose, she would have said that's the reason they wouldn't want to live with you. Being fat does not make you unlovable/undesirable!!!!!

You are doing a wonderful thing and God will bless you! Hope everything goes great! Keep us updated.

polly-pcos · 04-09-2008, 06:34 PM

Well, I had to ignore the delightful comments of a 10 yr old I teach today. We have a visualiser which magnifies whatever's beneath it and puts it on the interactive whiteboard. I was teaching handwriting, letter formation etc, and he kept on about how horrible the hair on my arms is- I was more horrified by the state of my nails. The best thing was the rest of the class just thought he was being so rude and politely ignored him til he got bored.

The sad thing is he is looked after, and most of the time his comments are just to get some attention from people and he doesn't care if it is the wrong kind!