Any of you decide to skip IVF & go strait to Adoption?

sten727 · 03-01-2004, 05:00 PM

I know that some day we'll have to make a decision. We aren't in any financial situation to be making a decision soon, but it doesn't mean that being a mommy isn't always front and foremost on my mind.

I have a pretty severe case of PCOS. I've NEVER O'd and plan to give Metformin another try now that I've got my diet under control and my weight down. But I just don't have much faith in fertility drugs. I was told that the only way we'd have kids is to go all out and opt for IVF (even though we've only done one round of injections and that was with Clomid). My doc said anything less would be a miracle and not like some miracles you hear about. He said if I was to conceive he'd write a book about me. LOL

Anyway... dh used to feel that IVF was like playing God. But the farther we get into our marriage childless the more he understands it could be our only option for a bio child. But when I've mentioned adoption, his initial response was that he didn't feel he could do it. He's not sure he'd be able to get past the fact that it isn't his biologically. But I know he could. He loves kids. He coaches kids all year round for ice hockey. I think that if he can love other people kids, he could love someone elses once it becomes ours.

Anyway... I'm off topic. I just don't know if we should risk the money for IVF or if we should just skip it and go straight to adoption. Can some of you give me your insight on how you made the decision??? And yes, money is an issue. I just don't know which would be better. When all is said and done... I want to be a mommy. But I also want to experience infancy. Sorry so long... I usually lurk, but this has been on my mind a lot lately!

TIA - Lyndsay

spookycyster · 03-01-2004, 05:43 PM

Hi,

Well, I just wanted to tell you how we reached our decision.

We tried two cycles of IVF, one in Jan/Feb 2003 and the last one Jul/Aug of 2003. Both cycles were completely different and yet neither resulted in a pregnancy. We also did not have any frozen embryos from either cycle, so there was no chance of doing a FET cycle.

After our last cycle failed, dh and I had a long talk about things. We both decided that it was time to be parents and not be pregnant. We had been ttc for 4 years at that point and both of us were soooo emotionally drained from the trying. It eats away at your soul after a while. We were on vacation, trying to decompress when we made the decision to pursue adoption.

Now, please don't get me wrong. We are by no means wealthy and as a result, the two IVF cycles and the adoption have liquidated our entire savings account! But I wouldn't have it any other way. I think we had to go thru the heartache and pain associated with failed fertility treatments for our hearts to be ready for ds.

Dh really wanted to try one more cycle before we moved on to adoption, but I was so physically spent that I couldn't face another round of drugs and all the crap that goes along with it. I think he was also secretly afraid that he wouldn't be attracted to the child we were matched with thru adoption (totally normal feeling), but I knew that he would love whatever child came into our lives. Well, dh LOVES ds. There is such a sparkle in his eye when he talks about ds. It's really hard on him right now, as he is deployed and he misses his boy so very much.

I know you asked about people skipping the IVF going straight towards adoption. I just wanted to give you my perspective of having done both. We want more children and may even consider another round of IVF sometime in the future. But the pressure is off of us now, that it really doesn't matter if we don't get pregnant because we have this beautiful little boy who is all ours, kwim? If we can't get pregnant, so be it. Our adoption experience has been absolutely fantastic and amazing. Ds is the light of our lives and has brought us sooo much joy.

I wish you luck on whatever path you chose. It's a hard decision to have to make, but only you can do that. Think about it, make pro/con lists, pray, research. Whatever you have to do to make the right decision for yourself.

Best of luck!

chelle_belle99504l · 03-01-2004, 05:43 PM

Lyndsay ~ I know I am pg now by way of Clomid and Gluc only. But from the beginning with my dx my DH and I agreed that if Clomid didn't work, we would skip the injectables and go straight to adoption. We couldn't see spending all that money and I didn't want to put my body through all of that, when there are so many kids out there that have been dealt a bad hand in life, and that need love.

HTH

Chelle

JenJen78 · 03-01-2004, 06:21 PM

{{{Hugs}}} to you Lyndsay

I know it is such a hard decision. DH and I really went back and forth as to what to do. In the end, we decided against IVF. We went straight to adoption. I'm so glad that we did (if we hadn't, we wouldn't have DS). Although both IVF and adoption can be stressful, I personally felt that I 'knew' we would end up with a child with adoption. I was not so certain with IVF. Not to mention the fact, that we just really didn't have the money to do both.

As for getting an infant, that's what I wanted as well. We could have gotten one if we adopted domestically, however we felt our hearts were headed toward international. I didn't get an infant (got a 9 month old), but believe it or not, I don't feel like I've missed anything anymore. We've had so many firsts with Zach.

As for DH, I understand where you are coming from. My DH didn't want to do IVF, but he didn't want to adopt either. He was willing to just not have children at all. I didn't try to pressure him, I just started looking into adoption myself, and when I found a site with some beautiful Guatemalan children, I showed it to him. He fell in love, and agreed to adopt.

Come to find out, his reservations were because he didn't understand the process. All he had heard were the news horror stories about bad adoptions. So give DH time, he may come around.

Best of luck in whatever you both decide.

dna · 03-01-2004, 06:41 PM

Hi !

We also tossed the idea of IVF back and forth with adoption for a long time...
We decided it didnt matter how we became parents just that we were parents so we opted for adoption...

I would not change one thing, our son is the light of our lives and I also feel like I havent missed a thing mostly becuz I dont know any better ?

Good luck in whatever you decide

Amy

MaryS · 03-01-2004, 07:57 PM

DH and I did clomed, then on to IUIs with injectibles for 4 years. Last negative cycle of IUI/gonal-f was Jan 2003. I just could not let my body go thru it anymore. We told our doctor we needed a break and that we'd be back in touch. The doctor called me in end of March to get me set up for the next round of gonal-f/IUI and he suggested I have a HCG done. We agreed to have the HCG done, even though we had decided to adopt and had already turned in our paperwork on feb 1,2003 and we going thru training classes. The HCG came back showing my 1 tube was 100% blocked and the other 97-99% blocked. I called my doctor, asked him why he had "neglected" to do the HCG when we first started the fertility treatments. Got off the phone and told my husband, "well now we know for sure that God meant for us to adopt, too bad the doctor didn't run the test sooner."
We chose to adopt thru the Minnesota Waiting Childrens Program as there are NO FEES to adopt. We had ZERO money saved due to the cost of 4 years of fertility treatments.
We are now in the process of finalizing our adoption of 3 beautiful brothers, age 4, 9, and 11. They are the children God meant us to have, we just wish they hadn't had to go thru the neglect they suffered at the hands of their birthparents.
God has truly blessed us thru this process and opened our hearts. We feel God made us go thru the infertility just to be able to find these brothers and give them the love they need and deserve.
Best of luck to you!!
Mary

DolciLady · 03-02-2004, 11:26 AM

We never gave much thought to IVF at all. Firstly because we never imagine ever coming up with the financial resources to do it (let alone adopt). We had done 4 rounds of injectables with IUI and when that didn't result in a live birth, it was time for us to look at the big picture.

It was so hard getting me to ovulate. Then to conceive. Then to hang on to a pregnancy. It was uphill all the way and I'd had enough.

I didn't want to hope or take chances any more, I wanted a child. So IVF wasn't an option since it's not guaranteed to produce a child, while adoption virtually is.

We decided we'd much rather sweat trying to come up with the money to adopt than sweat and regret IVF's if they failed.

Besides money being such a huge influence, the novelty of us having our own bio baby wore off. For a long time we were adamant about having our own child...but when that started to fade, our minds and hearts became open to adoption. It was a gradual process, so there was actually no remorse or grieving over us not having a bio-baby. I think that's an important part of deciding to adopt.

I honestly never ever thought we'd do IVF or adopt (because of money). Now adoption seems more natural and normal than trying to force conception when my body is so dang stubborn and uncooperative. LOL

Whatever choice you make will be the right one. You'll just know it when the time is right.

Good luck!
Robin

Sari · 03-02-2004, 12:07 PM

I'm only in the beginning of the TTC journey, but I've already decided against IVF because of the potential "waste" of embryos - no offense to anyone who's gone through IVF, just not for me - and also because of the expense. At this point I am open to the possibility of IUI, it will really just depend on the cost. As we are already wanting to adopt children along with having biological children, adoption is definitely something we will do.

dms · 03-02-2004, 04:34 PM

Hi Lindsay:

My husband and I were also told that it would be a miracle to conceive. We talked about trying IVF. We knew that we wanted to be parents more than anything. We decided to forget about fertility specialists, IVF, blood tests, taking my temp, ovulation kits, preg tests, pills, injections and go straight for ADOPTION!
It was such a relief!

Our daughter is so precious and we love her SO MUCH! We are actually applying for a second adoption soon.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Good luck,
Dawn

LaureAnn · 03-02-2004, 04:51 PM

My husband and I also tried Clomid for three cycles. Nothing happened. I then had a DNC and another procedure, which I cannot remember the name of. We were all set to go when we found ot that DH also has issues(very low sperm count and modility). After months of talking, we decided to persue adoption. Based on what we had learned about IV and injectables, we belived that IVF was a gamble, not only with our money, but with our emotions. You just don't know what is going to happen. We figured that our money would be better spent twards an adoption. And, we wouldn't be strapped for cash when we did become lucky enough to bring a child into our home.

We are adopting through the state of Florida and have been on a waiting list since November. The waiting is the hardest part!

Good Luck

nancidotcom · 03-02-2004, 05:18 PM

Laure..
I am also in Florida can you tell me where I can find any info on adopting in state? Sorry to jump in on the thread but we have just begun looking into adoption and I am only finding information on International Adoptions..

Best of luck to each of you...

Catylou's mom · 03-02-2004, 08:47 PM

Once we found out about the cost of injections alone we decided to adopt. By the way some of you actually had a savings? We both worked full time had no savings and no money. So we went through the county that we live in in California. There was no initial cost and and the end you would only have to pay $500.00. We wanted a baby too, but decided we would take any child under the age of 18 months. We ended up with a beautiful little girl who turned 1 year just days before we were able to bring her home. I still think I might like to try more fertility in the future, but there's no rush.

LaureAnn · 03-03-2004, 04:51 PM

Nanci-

We are adopting through The Children's Home Society. Currently they are handling some of the DCF adoptions for the state of Florida. There are also other agencies involved depending on which county you live in. You can get information from www.chsfl.org. or www.daniel.org or www.myflorida.org. All of these sites have links to Florida adoption info.

To this point, we have paid no money. We have completed our required MAPP classes, background check and homestudy. The hardest part has been the waiting. We have been on the "waiting list" for an infant since October.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if you have any questions- I'd be glad to help.

Best of luck!
Laure

nancidotcom · 03-03-2004, 05:29 PM

LaureAnn........ Thank you so much I can't wait to look over all the information.. I hope your wait is over VERY soon.....

spookycyster · 03-03-2004, 10:39 PM

Laure and Nanci,

Just wanted to let you guys know that we adopted thru Children's Home Society in Florida as well. Had a wonderful experience with them....if I can help you guys, let me know. I'd be glad to share. One good thing about CHS is there is no waiting list per se....your scrapbooks/photo albums are shown to potential birthmothers and you just have to wait until the right one choses you! The waiting is the hardest. Hang in there.

April