Any1 w/o kids feel judged?

AngelaGrace · 09-10-2009, 05:19 PM

This has been addressed before perhaps.... sorry to repeat if so..

Case in point - I was briefly employed at a new childcare facility. With it being new, the schedules of the children and employees were kind of all over the place. Some of us were needed to work different hours on certain days, until things were ironed out. Some fellow employees and I were tired of always being the ones to stay late and inquired about picking up an earlier shift here and there. I was told no because I didn't have a family to go home to and care for. WHAAAT?! My husband IS my family. I knew my boss personally before working there, and she knew our stuggles w/ TTC. I just found it highly insensitve to tell me that, because I didn't have kids I had to work later. Was my time in the late afternoon/evening not as valuable as someone elses? I later did talk to her privately and told her how insenitive that was. For other reasons of how the place was being run, I did quit after 2 months.

Other times where I felt this way is when someone says "oh, you don't know what this is like." (ex. dealing w/ a child's behavioral problems, coping w/ a baby's teething, etc.) Well excuse me, but infact I do know what it's like - I have a degree in education and I have always worked as a childcare provider & nanny. I know first-hand about all of those sorts of things. *sigh* I don't quite respond to them like that, but I'll say "well I tried this technique with the 2 year old I care for and it worked wonders."

Another time is when I am told I am LUCKY that I have time to do whatever I want now. Oh yeah, my one and only dream in life has yet to be fulfilled, and the wait/uncertainty has been the most painful thing I've had to go through. But I can sleep in and come and go as I please, so it should even out? Give me a break.

Bleh. I just wish people would be a little more sensitive. Ok, sorry if this did turn out more like a rant.
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Now, I'll go back to being positive! Thanks for listening.
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Tina Castle · 09-10-2009, 05:27 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I get the old, "you don't know what it's like" line all the time. Don't people ever get tired of being so insensitive?

faithforbaby09 · 09-10-2009, 08:57 PM

I completely understand. I upset when I hear people complaining about how stressful or bad thier kids are, and how Iam lucky. What?... I whould switch places with them in a heartbeat.

WifeyC · 09-10-2009, 10:16 PM

My favorite is the, "Oh, you're still having trouble with having a child? You can borrow mine, I'm sure you won't want your own then." WHAT?!?! Yeah, I just love that comment.

AngelaGrace · 09-10-2009, 10:28 PM

Ah, so true ladies.... thanks for the comments. It just isn't ME who feels this way!

mandee1005 · 09-10-2009, 10:34 PM

As you can see by my sig, things are slowly begining to change for me but I can add my imput for I was TTC for over 5 years. I noticed that with the people at my work, it was "can you work for me so I can go see jr's play?" and stuff like that. It was really bad around holidays. I volunteered to work the holidays because i'm a nice person. I do not have children and I don't mind working for someone who has a small child that still enjoys the magic of Christmas. What kills me is the people with the older kids (like 13 + years old) that wants me to work. I'm like "your kid doesn't even believe in santa clause! I've got family too that I would like to spend the holidays with!" People tend to abuse the fact that some people do not have children. For now instance, I need to change shifts with someone I work with when I come back from maternity leave. The only thing that will change is her nights off. Its still the same hours, just different days off. (We both work the night shift, 12 hours a day. We have the same off days. Work Mon, tues, off Wed, thurs, work fri sat sun. Off mon,tues, work wed thurs, off fri sat sun.) When I'm off, she works. Whe she's off, I work. It isn't that big of a deal. You still get the same days off, same shift. She had the nerve to tell me when I asked her about chaning that"I thought why should I inconvienance my life because she wanted to have a child?" What I wanted to tell her is "Because I have been here longer than you and have been trying for the past 5 years thats why!" I didn't. She has agreed to change with me now. I wish that I could figure out some clever thing to say when people pop off with the your lucky crap.. If anyone comes up with something, let me know!

AngelaGrace · 09-10-2009, 11:47 PM

mandee - exactly! like some blanket statement for all such situations that we could say!

btw, congrats on your BFP - looks like you and baby are doing well!!
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mandee1005 · 09-11-2009, 12:10 AM

Thank you Angela! It cames as a total shock. I didn't think the IUI would work.

If it was me, I would say something like " Yes I'm lucky. I'm lucky that I have spent $1000's of dollar and countless hours of my time going back and forth to fertility treatments only to be told maybe next month. If you feel like you are so unlucky I would be happy to raise your child and give it a loving home that it needs and tell it over and over how LUCKY I am to have it in my life and to be it's mother." What kind of recation do you think I would get?

Godiva · 09-12-2009, 01:34 AM

OMG I feel this way ALL THE TIME!!!! It's nice to know others feel that way too. My latest has been being excluded from a neighbourhood barbecue because we don't have kids even though we're an obviously child friendly house.

rynngo · 09-12-2009, 02:29 AM

I've actually had the "its easier for you pick up and do (whatever) whenever because you don't have kids" several times. mostly from my best friend. Honestly, when I would babysit her kids or any other kids, I never found it hard to pick up and do whatever whenever as the kids were always up to go for an outing. And I come from a big family and we always pitched in with getting everyone/thing in the car whenever we went somewhere so it never really seemed like an ordeal. Not sure why people think this is such an ordeal nowadays.

I think when someone says something that insensitive they are just frazelled and are focusing on the negative instead of the positive and allowing "life" to get in the way. I think a good quote would be "you can have my infertility condition if I can have your child to raise." It might get you a few dirty looks, but it might also make them realize just how good they have it.

TheNewMrs. · 09-12-2009, 02:35 AM

I work for WIC/MIHP so with pregnant women and children for my career. I am trained in this as a Registered Dietitian. I know my stuff when it comes to feeding pregnant moms and babies. Often times I get the question, "well, do you have any children?" and as soon as I say, "no, not yet" it often seems to be all over from there like I have no frickin' clue what I'm talking about. I just laugh because the population I commonly work with (not all, but a lot) really don't have a clue about how to do anything with these children either.

But yeah, it's kind of hard with the job people think you have NO idea what it takes to raise a child if you don't personally have one. Granted I KNOW that I have a lot to learn about child raising, but I SPECIALIZE in nutrition...I know what I'm talking about! lol

cgreen0114 · 09-12-2009, 01:27 PM

I'm a nurse and work in private duty which is where the patient has 24 hour home care with nurses. I worked in a pediatric home for over a year. Time and time again my nursing/healthcare opinion was discredited because "I didn't have children" I stayed so angry all of the time, I eventually had to quit because I couldn't deal with the mother's non-sense.

carebear81 · 09-12-2009, 02:03 PM

My husband and I always feel a little left out with his family since we have no kids. My sister in law has 2 kids and the attention they get always makes us feel like second class citizens. My in-laws are sort of wealthy and go on lots of trips. My sister in law and her kids are always invited to go with, while they never invite us. Every word out of his parents mouth is what the kids did that day. While I adore my niece and nephew, it's hurtful to realize how little his parents actually care about what's going on in our lives.

*Patricia* · 09-12-2009, 02:26 PM

I feel like me and DH are being judged. I get so tired of hearing people say: "It must be nice that you can do anything you want and not have to worry about taking care of your kids". I would love to just take care of my children. I always think it's funny when people say that, because we aren't taking trips around the world or anything like that. I wish I was, but we aren't.

worthit · 09-12-2009, 10:07 PM

ummm, wow. yes, yes, and yes!! every day. we're the only ones out of a large group w/o a child (or 3 or 4, or 7 like my neighbor!).

The best one was when I baked Christmas cookies for all our neighbors and dragged DH to help me deliver them. One lady said, "You must not have kids if you have enough free time to bake." No, "Thank You," or "How nice." It took all my nerve to not ***** slap her!!!!

We feel very left out of so many things, everyone in our age group comparing notes at different stages. My husband's really started picking up on stuff, so it's nice that he's just as *****y as me sometimes; we tend to talk about it a lot on "bad days" like cancelled cycles...

It will be all our time soon, hang in there
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