Anyone else been upset by the news headlines today?

Deeds2 · 09-16-2005, 06:04 PM

About how women are "choosing" to delay having a family and how they "want it all". It's been at the head of nearly every news bulletin I've seen today.

I didn't get married till 28, I wasn't diagnosed till 29 and it took three years to conceive our daughter, including having a miscarriage and taking fertility drugs. I'm now 35 and expecting #2. I feel very lucky, but the overwhelming vibe that was coming across on the news tonight was that women who wait till their thirties to have a family are selfish. It's made me so mad. I don't feel it was a choice, I'm sure others feel the same way. The smug look on some of the reporters faces has just made my blood boil!

I hope no one is offended by this post, I know how lucky I am to be a mummy, but I also don't want the world assuming I was selfish in delaying my family.

sarajw · 09-16-2005, 07:11 PM

Hi there i totally agree do these reporters not understand that it isn't always a womens choice to have a baby later on, i also didn't marry till i was 28 only came off the pill last year and as this was regulating my periods i didn't think anything would be wrong with me conceiving i have now been ttc for 6 months and don't know how much longer it will take, so it isn't always about choice. It makes my blood boil too, especially as on my lunch hour today after my work mates ( who don't know about my pcos ) read the papers they were saying to me See sara you should have a baby now the papers say don't be leaving it to late.
I just want to scream at them all,

Deeds2 · 09-17-2005, 05:32 AM

((((Sara)))) I hope it happens for you soon. Have you seen your GP about it yet?

briggy · 09-17-2005, 07:30 PM

I get it all the time, one of my friends had her first baby at 17, she has been thinking about having a forth but recently made a remark about being too old (she's 5 months older than me) and then told me i'd need to get a move on.

I met my husband when i was 25, married at 29 and have been TTC for the last 3 yrs. I'd have loved to had a baby when i much younger but i wasn't with someone i'd want to have a baby with.

But i do think we are much luckier than years gone by in that at least it's not "abnormal" to have a baby in your 30's. My granny met my granda when she was 32, and had my mum when she was 34. She was referred to as a geriatric (sp) mum and told not to have any more as she or the baby would probably die. She went on to have another 3 healthy babies (the 3rd of 4 weighed 13lb) and she is still alive and kicking at 90

mollz · 09-18-2005, 07:20 AM

totally agree - v. offensive. Also made me upset for my single friends - they would love to meet their ideal fellas, but it's not their fault they haven't. How awful for them to be listening to those dreadful reporters.x

Snow White · 09-18-2005, 09:36 AM

I soooo agree, I have just been changinh the channel when it comes on...I didnt get married until I was 32, I am 35 right now and we are hoping to start ttc next year, it makes me feel like a total loser for waiting!!! I am worried enough about the age of my eggs, etc without some a$$ telling my I have missed the boat...

sarajw · 09-18-2005, 01:10 PM

yes but gp wasn't much use had to beg him to refer me last year to the hospital to see specialist (after a 4 months wait for a appointment) final i got some answers, but now i need help again ttc i had to visit my gp who will now write to the hospital again, lets see how long it takes this time.
I get so frustrated waiting for appointments, this to me is all wasted time maybe they should put that in the papers!

paddy · 09-18-2005, 02:04 PM

Hi all

I haven't posted on this board for a long while, but this topic grabbed my attention. It's funny...my reaction to the reports was not one of taking offence, but more of relief. I hope I won't be flamed!!! I am glad that fertility is being talked about in the news. There are so many women who assume that they will be able to conceive into their thirties. Sadly, some can't and this takes many by surprise. Many are regretful that they didn't start TTC sooner. To me is all about awareness. And if the coverage brought awareness of fertility issues to women then in my book that's fantastic.

Just to clarify though... It's perfectly fine in my book to have a career and a family too if you wish. I've done it myself. PCOS took me by surprise... Thankfully I found out when I was 26, leaving me plenty of time to have a baby. Others aren't so lucky.

What I do find difficult to deal with is other people's ignorance. Comments like 'You should get a move on' and 'You wouldn't want to be waiting much longer' really wind me up. I hate when people make assumptions about other people's lives. Some seem to forget that you never know what other people are going through, what their situation is.

Paddy

Cyster Sam · 09-19-2005, 04:03 PM

This article made me mad too. I am now 37 and have been ttc no. 2 for over 3 years now. I didn't meet my Mr Right until I was 31. We got married 18 months later and started ttc immediately (so you would hardly say we waited). Well it took over 2 years to conceive my son which was not expected as I had always been told my irregular periods were nothing to worry about. I think if I had met my dh years earlier than we would have had kids earlier.

What really makes me mad about this article is that I just don't think it is true. I don't actually know anybody who has delayed having a family for their career but I do have lots of friends who haven't met the right person until their 30s and I do have several friends who are having problems ttc. Who knows if that is age related. I just think that society as it is today makes it a lot harder to maintain relationships not to mention have enough money what with mortgages etc to be able to have a family. All this article will do is encourage women to get pregnant by just anybody for fear they will have "left it too late".

Sam

WillowFae · 09-20-2005, 05:35 PM

The articles have made me very angry. Whilst I agree that the best time to have a child is before you are 35, the articles I've read haven't really been saying this. They have been implying that older mothers are delaying parenthood for the sake of their career and for selfish reasons. This is simply not true as a blanket statement. I didn't meet my husband till I was 26. We waited until we were sure that the relationship was secure, got married at 30 and started trying for a baby. I was diagnosed when I was 21 and so was expecting problems although we were lucky and it only took 3 months. So it could have been worse and I could have been a lot older.

I see no problem with the BMJ pointing out that women are more fertile during a certain time, but to imply that all those who have children beyond that are selfish career orientated women is just plain wrong.

Heidi31 · 09-22-2005, 09:17 AM

Glad I wasn't the only one feeling annoyed! I had my first just after my 34th birthday, but if I'd had my way I'd have been in my mid-twenties. It seems we can't get it right though, as they will probably say next week that teen pg's are on the increase! Wonder if the lone parent rate will have gone up in 9 months time, where someone has panicked about leaving it too late & got pg with anyone just as Sam said.

Hamble · 09-22-2005, 12:53 PM

HI!

I agree with you wholeheartedly.

I am 32 and was diagnosed with PCOS 18 months ago. My GP keeps telling me that I shouldn't be waiting to start a family but it is not that simple.

My fiance & I have been together for over 8 years and we got engaged nearly three years ago. For financial reasons we have had to postpone our wedding for the second time and I do not want to have a child out of wedlock. In addition to this since coming off the pill two and a half years ago and being diagnosed with PCOS my libido is non-existent. Therefore at the moment the last thing I feel like doing is preparing myself for having a child, so to be fronted with the latest headlines regarding family life Vs career is very upsetting.

Has anyone else suffered from libido problems as a resulf of their PCOS?

Cyster Sam · 09-22-2005, 03:39 PM

Hamble,

I have suffered from libido problems on and off but I am not sure whether this is actually due to the PCOS or to my infertility - there is nothing worse than feeling like you have to have sex just in case you happen to ovulate in the next few days. My libido was fine when I was younger but then again I didn't develop the symptoms of PCOS (other than irregular periods) until way after my 25th birthday.

Sam

Penelope Pitstop · 09-22-2005, 08:08 PM

I've got really fed up of hearing this report over and over again, no-one ever mentions that for some women they are older due to the fertility treatments taking a while to be sucessfull and they might have been trying for years.
I've been watching this on GMTV all week and not once has it been acknowledged that medical conditions maybe causing women to have babies later due to having to go through fertility, I got so fed up hearing this as it caught me on the raw after being told by consultant I would need op that I wrote a email to GMTV saying that not everyone "chooses"to have children later and a lot of women with pcos don't have a choice..
Everyone focuses on one perspective never highlighting the other factors which could be causing it..

Cyster Sam · 09-22-2005, 08:16 PM

I don't know if anyone is a regular Daily Mail reader but they seem to have had a thing about older mothers for a while now. They seem to be trying to terrify their readers - not just by stating that our chances of conceiving are lower after a certain age but also about the risks involved for baby and mother. There is always some article in there going on about it. My theory is that the Government are behind it all somehow - they say that older mothers are more likely to have complications during pregnancy birth and also they are more likely to need help with fertility - and of course the government/NHS don't want to be called upon to pay for it.

Sam