Thread: Is anyone else coping with a depressed mother?

Hi ladies,

Been ttc for 1 1/2 yrs now. Diagnosed with PCOS and on Metformin. DH has a low sperm count, we are probably going down the IVF with ICSI route as we have run out of all other options it seems.

Because I'm an only child and 32 yrs old, my mother has started becoming depressed about not having grandchildren as all of her friends have now reached this stage. She doesn't want to see me for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year. Is anyone else in this situation, and how did you manage to cope and keep the family relationships together?

That's awful, honestly. Like you don't have enough heartache of your own in this situation without dealing with her drama. It's one thing for her to be anxious to have grandbabies, but how on earth does cutting you off at major holidays help in any way? She should be SUPPORTING you, encouraging you, rather than making it all about her. I find this shocking, honestly.

If it were me, I doubt I'd be able to keep my mouth shut about how her selfishness is making me feel, and how I feel like crap as it is without HER crap on top of it. I think she needs a firm reality check. That's just me, though. Sorry you're going through this.

Wow, sorry to hear this. I have a slightly similar situation. I'm also 32, but unlike you, I have never been married and I'm not ttc. However, this upsets my mom. She's been kind of at me since I was about 20 (and in college full time, working on my bachelors, like she wanted), to hurry up and give her grandbabies. I'm the oldest, it's just me and my younger sister. I finally stood up for myself when I was about 26 and told her she needs to back off, because I felt bad enough that I wasn't married with at least one kid by that age, and she made me feel worse every time she brought this up (see, the only thing I've ever wanted in my entire life is kids. I never cared about a job or career or anything, I just wanted to me a mom. I had wanted to be married with at least 1 kid by the age of 25, and at least 3 by my age now). So anyway, she apologized and told me she didn't realize it made me feel so bad, and she stopped. I also got pressure from my grandmothers b/c they wanted great-grandbabies, and my sister wanted to be an aunt, and my half-brother (from dad's 2nd marriage) wanted to be an uncle. It was like, enough already!!! But she recently started to slip back into this, and I've had to tell her to stop, and then she stops. But she's also upset b/c my sister is engaged, and she and her fiance have postponed the wedding twice now, so it's a year later than they originally planned, and it depresses mom b/c it pushes back the possibility of a grandkid a year. I told her she needs to stop b/c it's not her business what my sister and her fiance decide. Mom is upset b/c her older sister has 2 grandkids now, her best friend has 2, another friend from high school as 3, my aunt (my dad's sister) now has 2, and she has 0.
So I kind of know where you're coming from, though I imagine it's hard when you're ttc and getting the pressure. But I would talk to her and tell her ttc is stressful (especially with PCOS!!), and her attitude puts more stress on you, which doesn't help the baby thing, so she needs to snap out of it otherwise you're going to have to have some distance from her until she can get over herself. Her wallowing and pushing you away for holidays isn't going to help either of you. Good luck!