Is Anyone else struggling with feelings of envy/jealousy?

bookchick · 09-08-2005, 06:01 PM

Hello all....I am a christian cyster and am really struggling with my emotions right now. I am 28 and have a dx of pcos as of August 2005.
I am really having a hard time. My parents' health is declining, my dh and I are having money issues, and now there is the pcos. My desire for a baby is getting stronger every day, and that may not be possible for me.
It seems like all my friends/family have all this great stuff happening right now. My cousin just purchased a new home, got a brand new car, and guess what: Her first child is now 2months , which she conceived after less than a year of trying. My closest friend just closed on her home, and she and her husband are going to start trying for their first child.
I want only great things for my friends, but it is so hard to listen and remain upbeat while they go on and on about the wonderful things in their life. The material things aren't as bad, but the baby talk is getting to me. I pray every day to overcome this envy and be completely happy for them. I know my time will come, but it's soooo hard.
Does anyone else feel this way?

DiamondInTheRough · 09-08-2005, 07:52 PM

I know how you feel. I got married the same time as so many other sisters in my community. The time came when they all started having children, yet we were still childless. Finally, the time came that I conceived, only to lose that baby. By the time we concevied my now two-year-old, they were already on their second or third child.

I don't think it is envy or jealousy you feel, but just that despair to have a family of your own. I don't think any of us would wish PCOS or fertility issues on anyone, but sometimes we just wish we could 'catch a break.' It IS hard to look around, and see everyone else appear to be living the 'perfect life.' I assure you, however, struggle doesn't skip over anyone in this life. Despite the way things seem, no one has that perfect life. I know to people like us though, we don't want perfection, just healthy children to love and nurture. Who could ask for anything more?

Take Care

HISIRISHGEM · 09-09-2005, 04:31 AM

Oh Amen! It may look perfect from your end....but nothing is perfect. I don't think there's a person out there that doesn't struggle with this., but its what we do with these feelings thats the key. We must pray and ask God for forgiveness, because even though the sadness is real and ok! The bitterness and jealousey isn't! Its Sin...and we're human...we fall short...that's why Jesus is here! He serves as the perfection that we're not.....
Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God.

Romans 3:10 There is none righteous, no not one.

Your time will come, its just a matter of Gods timing not your own. Trust me on that one!! I'm on another site soley built on women from SS's from Northeastern Ohio. All but 4 of us are pregnant....most of them just this past month or so. God is good! Does it sting a bit?? Maybe, but if I look a bit more into it, its exciting why?? Because that means that women like us have that chance! Look how many got pregnant? It happened! May take time, may not happen in the time that you or I want it to, but it will happen in Gods timing!

We're even planning to adopt (which we've planned to do from before we got married even if we could conceive) but its still frustrating to wait to adopt! Or for DH to get out of College to move to a HOME, or to finally be financially independent without living from paycheck to paycheck....and your not the only one that goes through it...there are so many that do! My opinion is look at things this way...Its a valley, your going through it right now....but stay faithful....read Gods word, pray together with your DH...a family that prays together, stays together! & get the book by Mary Hunt called "Debt Proofing Your Marriage"...or take it out at the Library if you can...Its amazing....checkout Cheapskatemonthly.com to get some ideas to save and start looking up! You'll get out! You'll have it...and God will bless you for being obediant! Stop looking at the big picture that you think He can't fix! (I do that all the time...and it only makes me depressed) It's only when you put your Trust in God and know that He can handle it...Nothings to big for Him....that things will start to turn around....and I'm telling you...if you pray, read His word together, and READ THAT BOOK from mary hunt, God will bless you for being obediant and faithful!

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.
Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands,
you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed
my Fathers commands and remain in his love. I
have told you this so that my joy may be in you
and that your joy may be complete.
John 15:9-11

Tharaa · 09-09-2005, 05:08 AM

no advice but plenty of hugs (((hugs)))

shortandbubbly · 09-09-2005, 10:22 AM

I'm sorry you seem to be stuck in a rut. I DEFINITELY know how that is. DH and I have been very stressed out lately because our landlady is a liar and got us evicted from our apartment. We have been so stressed because we had nowhere to go. Someone finally said we could stay at their house for a while until we get on our feet again. I cried when I was told we could stay there, and i prayed and thanked the good lord afterwards that he was there by my side after all. Sorry, went a little OT there, but just wanted to let you know that i know how it feels. Have you ever heard of the saying, 'the grass is always greener on the other side?' it's a very true saying. Things always seem better on the other side, but chances are, they probably have problems just as well. It's hard not to feel envy. Things will start looking up for you. Just believe it will, and it will happen. ((Hugs))

bookchick · 09-09-2005, 10:27 AM

Thanks for all your help. I know that those peoples lives just look perfect. I am sure they have their share of problems. I am really happy for them. It just seems neverending sometimes. I will work through these emotions and be okay for awhile. Then my friend will have more great news. She is one of those people that goes on and on and on about everything, so I hear about it non stop. I don't want to spoil her good mood, so I try to remain cheery. Most days, I am fine. I love to laugh, and I love a lot about my life, which helps me when I'm feeling depressed. There are some days, however, when it hits me harder than others. Those are the days I really find it difficult to be a good listener. I'm thinking about dr bills, babies, and my hair falling out, and having to listen to someone talk about how everything is working out perfectly for them, they couldn't have asked for everything to turn out any better, etc. is frustrating for me.
I hope you guys don't think I'm wallowing in self pity or I begrudge others happiness. I really don't. Thanks you guys for letting me know I'm not the only one to feel this way at times.

HISIRISHGEM · 09-09-2005, 06:10 PM

((hugs)) It'll get better, keep trusting in Him. My hair is falling out by the loads...I have hypothyroid, type II diabetes, a bicornuate uterus, I live miles away from my family & friends, just lost my job, DH works just above min. wage and is a college student....and well....life is Hard....But GOD IS GOOD! He helped us to pay our bills this month, enabled us to get up this morning...gave me the opportunity to talk with you ladies and Jesus just gives me inspiration to keep moving on. I don't care about the others who have more than I do!! I'm just thankful for the things I've got. There are people right now without shelter, without food, and haven't the faintest idea what will happen next....I'm not too far away from that....but at least I've got something. I don't want a million dollar home......I just want a roof over my head, a husband who loves me, and if God wills, babies....I don't care if by conception, adoption, or fostering.

My life is a struggle sometimes....but I'm thankful!

gracie381 · 09-10-2005, 12:21 AM

I think we all struggle in one way or another, but God will pull us through. I turned to God a couple of years ago after heading down the wrong road for a while. I realized I wanted a better life, and he has helped me every step of the way. I struggle from week to week also. I have just been kicked off my health insurance and have been turned down everywhere that I apply due to my PCOS. I cannot afford any of the Guaranteed Issued Plans so I am at this time uninsured, but I'm trying to keep my head up because I know that God will take care of me. He will not let me down when I need him the most. As for children I know he has a plan and I will be a mother if it is meant to be and if it is not he will bring peace to my life when I least expect it. Just hold on and be strong. You are not alone.

HISIRISHGEM · 09-10-2005, 02:24 AM

Amen Sister! Don't lose hope! Insurance is a touchy subject....but God is more powerful!! Keep trusting in Him and your faith will definately see you through!:O)

echo12 · 10-02-2005, 04:53 PM

I've been a Christian since childhood and I STILL struggle with this! I have recently gone through a patch where it seems like everywhere I looked I was feeling envy. I have been open with my other Christian friends when I've been feeling this way about them and it has opened up doors for some really great gut-level conversations. I pray to God about my feeling all of the time and lift them up to Him. Day by day, I struggle, but God has my back.

Jacee24 · 10-02-2005, 09:52 PM

My husband and I have been trying for 3 years with no luck to have a baby. We go to church with his cousin, who got married one year to the day later than us, and is expecting her first baby, within this month.{A Boy} Now I am happy for her. But it is so hard on me to even want to go to church. Everyone is talking about the baby and just kind of pretend I'm not there or just look at me w/sympathy. I can't stand it!!!! My husband who has the patience of Job, says our time will come, we have to suffer right now to really apprieciate what we will have. And to that I want to say BULL! But wouldn't want to bring him down because of my shot comings! SOrry to write a book, but it felt great to vent! [Can you tell this was a church day for me? ]

Dazee52 · 10-02-2005, 10:52 PM

I can totally relate to you!!

I feel like my friends don't apprecaite their kids, the take them for granted, and then come to me and complain about them. I constantly remind them to be happy that they were able to have healthy children, with ease, and no complications.

Yes Jealousy is evil, I don't want my heart bogged down with it, but it's real. I dont' think it's jealousy for what they have, it's the jealousy of what God hasn't given us yet. Just remember to stay positive, and hopeful. God is waiting on us, so that we can be the best parents to our children.

Alot of my friends struggle with "life" stuff, bills, money, homes, their marriages....etc......maybe He is waiting for us to get all that in order so we can live our happiest life. Just keep praying for health and happiness. With His love, it will come when the time is right.

bookchick · 10-05-2005, 12:41 PM

Thanks you guys for your support. I think you're right that its more like jealousy for what I don't have, instead of jeolousy that they have it. Right now I also have a coworker that is pg and all she does is complain about how she can't wait to get it over with, how horrible being pg is. She doesn't read to her baby or talk to it. It makes me upset, when I think she should be thanking God that she has the ability to have a little one.