Thread: Anyone else wanna skip the holidays?? plus a millon other ?'s

I'm not really happy about the upcoming holidays- I seriously want to talk to DH about not going to family functions. His parents families wont understand at all ( my inlaws do because they were there and held her) but they won't know why its so hard for me to look at the brand new babies and its a small family so there is no way of hiding from them.

Anyone else feel that way- if i have to go is there any way to make it easier, things to do to cope with it?? I have myself all worked up about it.

Sorry ladies i'm having a rough day- last night i rolled over in bed half asleep and swore there was a bassinet with a baby in it, then i realized it was one of those half asleep half awake dreams. So i'm having a rough time with the whole empty arms thing. I just want to hold her again just one more time.

also how do you know when you should get counseling or some other type of help?
I often find myself on my days off not wanting to do anything with myself and just being a hermit in my house. I take naps and hide from the world sometimes i won't answer my phone because i just don't feel like talking.
i can definitely tell how much this has changed me and i'm not the person i used to be. Sorry for the pity party just having a horrible day

Oh, mama, I'm so sorry! I think counselling for your grief can be immensely helpful IF you are ready for it. I had to see a counsellor after a loss (not of a child, though), but I didn't until more than 2 years later. I wish I had done it earlier, but it wasn't an option for me at the time. I'm SO glad I did, because I learned how to live with my pain and accept it, instead of fighting it and pretending everything was okay. Wanting to hide away from the world is so normal. I can't tell you how long I went through that then. I'm doing it now, as well, after my m/c last week. Your pain is so profound that it is overwhelming. In order to cope, you are in survival mode and if that means shutting yourself away from things today, that is okay. If you feel it is becoming detrimental, then please seek outside help.

As far as worrying about holidays, I'm in a similar situation. I just don't think I can face it this year. Dh has already told me we don't have to travel, but I'm still so torn about it. I had a thread about this several days ago. The wise women here had some great advice:
http://www.soulcysters.net/m-c-upcom...lidays-223549/

Hey hun - I kinda feel that way too. And those who dont understand will sometimes say really ridiculous things at these functions like "Aww, don't worry, you'll have one of your own! Theres still lots of time!"

I think people dont reallt 'get it' until they have gone through it or witnessed it first hand. I am so, so sorry you have had such a loss. I wouldnt even kow how to begin consoling you. What I can say is that in my religion, the miscarried fetus is guarunteed heaven, and the baby will not enter heaven until the mother enters it herself (our little angel's protest i guess...LOL). You baby will be waiting for you. Now I don't know if you believe in God, but I know that this consoles me some of the time, that I will see him one day...

As for councelling, I contemplate it myself sometimes. Maybe even trying a session or two will help. Thats what my doc tells me anyways...

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Take care of yourself, those people aren't dealing with this pain. They will get over it. For you, it could be lasting horrible memories of having to tolerate all of that, not to mention the two months leading up to it, worrying. I think you and DH should make a decision and stick to it so that you know what to expect. One couple I know did not go to anything like family dinners unless it was to drop in for one hour and split. It was what they needed at the time, and it helped them cope.

If you want to talk to a counselor, start with a phone call and see what happens. I really think it helped me to go to the support group, and I probably should have been on meds for a while, maybe even before our loss! But if you think it might help, maybe you could call and find out about it and get a feel for the counselor before you take the plunge. That's what I would do.

(((hugs))) These bad days suck, but I truly believe that they are an important part of the journey. I personally know that things get easier later on, but you are right, you are not the same person anymore. For one, you are a mother now and see things from that perspective, and you are a very special type of mother, forever. I hope you feel better soon!

I want to skip the holidays
we only do christmas here in the Uk but I'm dreading it
my dh and i have looked into going away over xmas, but 1, don't think we can afford it - 2, it'd mean leaving the dog and 3, I don't know if it'll make me feel any better about the whole thing or not

my cousins baby is due on christmas day, mine were due on the 12th december

Sometimes when i read posts like yours, that i can relate to so personally, it makes me awestruck that i maintained my sanity at all

Believe it or not...when i was pregnant with my twin girls...a few months later we found out my sil was also pregnant...with twins! What are the odds of that??

well, obviouslythe family was overjoyed at the prospect of 4 babies coming into the family, but by the time christmas came around and the family got together at my inlaws...my babies were gone, and hers were there...all covered in baby powder and cooing and reminding me every second that my girls had died. My worst fears was that my girls memory would be forgotten... i was so worried about going there...a good 14 hour drive to get there and the whole family somehow forgetting my girls cuz there was the other two...i felt guilty and bitter and didnt want to go, bur really felt i owed it to my dh to let him have time with his family.

(let me tell you there were a few cysters who put up with my misgivings for weeks beforehand - again - talking about it here is total therapy! )

anyway i got there...and the first thing i did was sit down with my sil and tell her that if i get emotional or standoffish- please dont be offended - she was wonderful, and totally understanding...and i felt so relieved that i just said it and got it out and didnt have to worry about it if i had to leave the room. it took the pressure off...and i ended up being okay. i actually spent a lot of time with the babies - my neice was in very bad shape...she had a brain malformation that basically made her vegetative and she ended up dying a year later - so my sil and i unfortunately had a lot more in common then we thought.

anyway...i'm long winded as usual..... i guess i just wanted to say that you have to give yourself permission to feel how you feel...and if it makes anyone else uncomfortable well too bad. Assert your self, clear the air from the start and just let people know that their understanding is what you need the most. If they cant give it...you've done all you can do. Take care of you first...and it never hurts to talk to somebody. Ever. Good luck and i know you are stronger then you think...you'll get through the holidays knowing your baby is watching over you.

Yes I want to skip the holidays as well...especially since my husbands' cousins' wife is pregnant and my sister in law is now pregnant and most of my husbands family has no clue about my miscarriage.