Anyone want to talk about the hopes & dreams they had for their lost child?
Hello ladies...
As my second due date (September 9th) approaches, I am thinking more and more about the hopes and dreams I had for babies that DH and I lost. So I thought I'd share a few of them here, and hopefully each of you will do the same.
- When the child got older, we hoped to travel around the US with it and show them how amazing this country is, just the diversity of the terrain, etc. We have crystal sand beaches in Florida, swamps in Louisiana, mountains (all over but I really wanted to take them to the Rockies in Colorado), deserts, cliffs and stunning views in coastal California, waterfalls in Oregon, the Great Lakes, the plains and rolling hills of Missouri, etc. Also wanted to show them Chicago, New Orleans, Denver/Colorado Springs, Portland, DC, Tampa Bay, San Francisco, Phoenix, Seattle - the cities I've traveled to that I've especially liked.
- We looked forward to introducing the child to our love of sports and hoped he/she would be interested in them. DH and I both played soccer, we both ski, I swam for 9 years and we both like to hike and mountain bike.
- Looked forward to teaching the child to love animals and love learning / reading.
- Just looked forward to watching the kiddos grow up with our friends' kiddos.
When I had my first m/c, my sister was pg at the same time. I would have delivered 4 months after my niece was born. As I see her grow up, I often think that all the stuff she does is what my baby would have been doing....This year she is heading off to pre-school and she's so excited! I was just thinking the other day about sending my baby off to school and it made me sad....
My hopes and dreams for my lost babies are that they would grow up and look back at their childhood and have many fond memories...That one day they would tell me that I was the greatest mom a kid could have and that they wouldn't trade me for anything....
__________________ Me - 31 DH - 33 Married 8/8/1998
PCOS Dx. 07/04
4 early losses over 7 years.
BFP! Aug 14th!
Gavin Michael!! Born 4/16/09 7lbs 8 oz
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- We were looking forward to traveling. DH has dual citizenship (UK/Australia) and I had already bookmarked the website that explained how our child can also gain UK citizenship.
- I looked forward to enrolling my baby to a pre-school/elementary/high school. I had the schools picked out already. A month after we lost the first baby, I passed by that particular school, saw some kids running around having fun in the playground, and I LOST IT.
- DH was planning on building a cool playground in our backyard.
- DH was also planning on teaching the baby how to play tennis. On the day of our fiirst scan for the 2nd baby, which we also lost, DH was hoping for twins so that he can train them to become doubles players in tennis.
- During my first pregnancy when I was on pelvic/bedrest, I kept thinking of having a little toddler following me around the house saying, "mommy, mommy."
Oh I hope that some day these hopes and dreams come true for me. It's so hard. Sometimes when I'm so deliriously happy, I suddenly think of the babies I lost, and I just wonder if someone's playing a nasty joke on my feelings.
__________________ enits
Noelle - my little baby, was only with us for 17 weeks and 5 days, February 7, 2005
2nd loss - my little angel, could only stay with us for a little while, 8 weeks, August 3, 2005
Hoping to remain positive, always...
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Oh, I have a silly hope / dream to add...I never would have actually LET this happen, but DH hoped for boy/girl twins because he wanted to name them Luke and Leia. (He is a HUGE Star Wars fan.)
i had hoped for a little one with dh's blue eyes. we didnt even care if it was a boy or a girl. we looked forward to celebrating the miracle of our child....sorry too soon for this ....
__________________
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who knew your heart could break and you could still breathe
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I had so many hopes and dreams for our twins. Since we had been wanting a child for so long they have been thought of many times before we were pregnant. I was looking forward to all of the holidays. I scrapbook and I document all of the holidays and and events in our lives, I was looking forward to adding our little miracles to my scrapbooks. I feel like my scrapbooks would be more fun when I was going to have photos of the twins in a pumpkin patch, dressed in Halloween costumes and so on. Most holidays center around children. I never stopped celebrating because we don't have kids but it was going to be so more "mainstream" to be like every other family to have photos of our kids.
I looked forward to teaching them the ABC's, everything. I used to be a nanny and work in daycare and I looked forward to doing all the things I did with those kids with my twins.
I imagine walking into their nursery and seeing them snuggled up to each other napping. Arms and legs intertwined. Taking a photo of them napping like that.
Picking a few adorable matching outfits for my twins. Taking them to Target and have people stop and ask us, "are they twins?" and be able to smile and say, "YES!" Knowing how hard we worked for them.
I know I could go on forever. Thanks for this thread. I makes me cry thinking of my babies but it feels good to put it into words.
__________________ Stacia 31-DH 36 Married since April 1997 Angel baby twins Sept. 05 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Angel baby girl Neve Jan. 06 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Angel baby May 06 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Tested positive for antiphospholipid antibodies, Heparin/Aspirin therapy for next pregnancy
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I was looking forward to cooking with Rivi. That's something my grandma and I did together, and those are my fondest childhood memories. I love to cook, and I figured that would be an awesome thing to share.
We were planning to go to Orioles and Baysox baseball games with him, and Russell so wanted his Redskins football buddy. I tease him because while I was pregnant, Rivi would dance around when the other team made a touchdown...Russell says Rivi was jumping up and down in disgust, I tell him he was cheering ANY other team besides his Daddy's.
We had so many Christmas traditions planned. Now the biggest Christmas tradition our children will have is putting Rivi's ornament (his name and pic are on it) on the tree first, and taking it down last. That way he'll never miss any part of our Christmases.
My hopes and dreams are very simple. There were so many things I was looking forward to...
- rocking my baby to sleep, being in awe of him
- Seeing my DH take him to a Cubs game in matching outfits,
carrying him on top of his shoulders.
- Seeing him go off for his first day of kindergarten (i know i would be more of a wreck)
- Watching him go from thinking girls were "icky and yucky" to wondering how he could ever
live without them.
- Watching him fall in love and then seeing him on his wedding day,
again, just being in awe that this is a precious life that dh and I created from love.
__________________
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Our sweet angel, Mohamed Matthew Raymon Illyas,
born and at rest on November 30, 2004.
Lived only 30 precious minutes...(IC at 20 weeks) Forever in our hearts, Together in our dreams.
We now live our life for you. We love you Matthew, our little Angel.
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-We already had two little University of Florida Gators football outfits in infant size ready to be worn on Saturdays during college football season. DH is completely obsessed with this team and he was so looking forward to raising a little Gator!
-As for me, I just couldn't wait to see him/her and to get to enjoy those late night feedings. I knew I'd be exhausted, but I was looking forward to just having the baby to myself late at night when everything around was so dark and still.
-I also could not wait for the baby to be big enough to go for a nice long walk in the stroller with and to take him/her to the local playground to enjoy the swings.
It makes me sad as I think about my 2nd due date approaching in November. We have to all keep hope that we will get to enjoy these things with a child of our own one day. I pray to God that this day comes soon for all of us.
Shari
__________________ Happily married; 1 amazing daughter born 12/06. short term weight loss goal: 20lbs by year's end long term weight loss goal: 65 lbs overall
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"I'm not lazy. I'm simply judicious about excess movement." -Jen Lancaster
I was looking forward to holding my baby and looking into her face for the first time.
I had already bought a little book for her at the bookstore. I love to read, and looked forward to reading stories to her. I hoped that she would inherit my love of books.
I wanted to dress her in pretty little dresses.
I wanted to have to get up during the night to breastfeed.
I was planning on home schooling her and watching her learn.
I looked forward to hearing her first words and watching her take her first steps.
__________________ Janet (31) DH (41) ttc 7 years
Miscarriage 1/19/1999 at 10 weeks
Met ER 2000 mg daily HSG to be scheduled next cycle after af
Waiting on dh's SA results
Expecting to start Clomid after test results are in
What an great thread! I didn't even have time to have hopes & dreams for my twins. I started bleeding the day I found out there were two of them. I'm a bad mom, I know.
JuneBug is the baby I really had all kinds of hopes and dreams for. We are big into camping all summer long and since she was due in June, we had all kinds of visions of camping time together. I pictured her first birthday party as a camping birthday party. I imagined chasing her around while she tried to eat dirt and rocks and get too close to the camp fire. I imagined rocking her to sleep at the same campfire. I also had visions of bringing her to church for her first Christmas in a beautful little red velvet dress with tights and black shiny shoes. Gosh, the image of that still brings tears to my eyes. I wanted to hold her while I sang Silent Night and for once not cry sad, bitter tears. Does church make anyone else cry? It's inevitable that i will cry at church. My SIL thinks that is God trying to talk to me. Who knows...
I never felt pregnant with Pumpkin and after being burned twice I didn't dare have hopes and dreams for that baby. This makes me feel like a horrible person...
Thanks for this thread, meghan and God bless your little baby to be. I am pulling for you.
~ani
__________________ Ann (35) & Kelly (35) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
TTC since April 2000
Dx PCOS 2001
After 4 miscarriages, we are moving on to adoption. We are looking to adopt a bi-racial baby from a private agency in Florida.
All adoption paperwork is done and we are patiently (ha!) waiting for our little dream come true!
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Does church make anyone else cry? It's inevitable that i will cry at church.
We have avoided church. Our losses have completely altered any religious beliefs that we had. I did go to my friend's dad's funeral about 2 weeks ago and was surprised that lightning didn't strike me when I entered the sanctuary. I was raised Catholic, and they had a full funeral Mass. I didn't take Communion, though, because I didn't think that would appropriate of me.
Please no flames for this...only stating my own opinion, that my religious beliefes are forever altered. I know faith helps a lot of people and I respect that very much.
Anyone want to talk about the hopes & dreams they had for their lost child? 
. I'll be thinking about you.
