Anyone who has had a 2nd trimester loss?

Mom-e-Jules-PCOS · 01-22-2008, 03:20 PM

Hello to all of my cysters!

Thank you all for your love, kindness & support. I appreciate all of you so much. My heart is sad, empty, & I feel as if I'm in a hole I can't get out of.

I now feel so disconnected from life, from SC. Where do I belong? Does anyone understand what I mean? I have no idea when I'll be ready to TTC again, and I do want to move forward......my mind is just running in 1000 different directions.

breathe, breathe, breathe.....I have to keep reminding myself.

chrissy5828 · 01-22-2008, 03:26 PM

I just want to say I am praying for you and your family. If you need anything pm me.

jenakarose · 01-22-2008, 03:26 PM

Oh Jules, you have been on my mind so much this weekend. I can't begin to imagine what you and your family are going through. I don't have any personal experience with M/C in the 2nd tri, but my mom in Hawaii lost one when she was 6 months. A fact she was sure to bring up when I told her last week. What it really boils down to I think, is ultimately no child is safe. Before birth we must deal with the loss, as you are. But sometimes even after birth we lose them for whatever reason.

I know it is hard and there seems to be no reason behind what has happened. Try to remember that GOD has a plan. We are too small to see it, but there is a reason for everything that happens. We can sit here and play the maybe game... maybe it happened because of this or that, but it doesn't erase the pain you are feeling.

I hope my words have helped ease your heart, and if there is ever anything I can do, please let me know. You have my yahoo email, shoot me an email if you ever want to talk.

heidi 1973 · 01-22-2008, 04:11 PM

Oh sweet Jules...my dear...again, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Sarah, Benjamen, and Rebecca. I too have lost babies in the second trimester. We lost our twins, Kenny and Katie at just over 21 weeks. I know that you are woman of very strong faith. I believe as Jenkarose said, all things happen for a reason. Losing Kenny and Katie was the most difficult experience of my life, but so many wonderful things have happened and I have experienced because of them. I often wish that I could have them back, but I wouldn't change who I am now because of them. Of course, it took me a while to get to that point.

Trust in Him, and lean on your faith.

One thing that I did that really helped me deal with my grief, was to go to a Christian bookstore and get books that dealt with later losses. They really helped me feel like I wasn't alone in how I felt. It is also helpful to know that men and women grieve very differently. I was given a booklet about that before we left the hospital.

Here is a great website that is Christian based and has a great board for women dealing with stillbirth. They also have other boards for TTC after a loss, etc.

www.silentgrief.proboards70.com

Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Don't hesitate to ask me if you have any questions

Hugs!! Praying for you and your family!!

Heidi

Cupiecake · 01-22-2008, 04:36 PM

Jules,

Words cannot express how sorry I am for what you and your family are going through. Although I went through a 2nd trimester loss recently, I wish I could tell you what the next days and weeks will be like...everyone's experience is so different. All I can say is hold tight to your faith, your family, and your friends.

I was in that hole you spoke about and I never thought I would get out...in time I climbed out of it, and you will too. Allow yourself time to grieve, cry when you need to cry, and every day make it a point to remember and talk about the good things in your life- these will help you make it through.

If you need someone to talk to, PM me any time.

*~SugarPlums~* · 01-22-2008, 05:30 PM

Jules-I have been thinking about you and your family so much lately. Your ordeal just breaks my heart. It also brings back so many memories.

I lost my twins at about the same time you experienced the loss of your Angels. It was very devastating to my entire family. It took a while to come to terms with that loss.

I was terribly depressed and kept myself isolated, pushed the people that loved me away and had such anger that boiled up inside me.

One day I realized that God wasn't to blame for this, no one was. There was no reason why it happened, but I needed to come to terms with the reality that it did happen.

Shortly after realization, I decided it was time to look at their pictures and the mementos the hospital had given me, and the flood gates opened. It was a huge relief for me. A lot of the anger was released, and I was able to accept it and move on.

They will forever be in my heart, my Sarah & Joshua, but I am no longer drowning in the sorrow of my losses. It will be 6 years ago this March that I lost them.

You are not alone, there are many that can truly empathise with what your going through.

It does take time. Please, let your loved ones comfort you, let them be there for you.

Thinking and praying for you, (((((Jules))))).

Mom-e-Jules-PCOS · 01-23-2008, 12:56 AM

My cherished cysters,
Thank you for taking the time to share with me. I appreciate your sincerity. I needed that. Thank You!
I called the hospital today & they have a support group that meets once a month & a 24hr phone support line. I think this will be good for me in conjunction to all of my soulcysters.
God Bless,

SheriKCMO · 01-23-2008, 01:48 AM

Jules, I am so sorry for the loss of your babies!

I did go to the support group at a local hospital, but I waited a few months. I think I was more able to talk at that point instead of just bawl my head off. Lots of couples or moms come right away, and they are still in shock, so just do what feels right. I do think it helped me for a good long while. I got 24 hour a day support here, too.

My first baby was born very suddenly at 23 and a half weeks, and the world stopped turning. I am not a person of faith, and so I don't buy the 'everything for a reason' business. To me, nothing meant anything anymore, because that child meant the whole world. I had to figure out what was still worth living for, and build from there. It is up to you and your babies' father to find your own way through this grief journey. It is a very hard road with lots of hills and valleys, but we will be here to listen.

I am an emotional person, so the tears really rolled when I saw the pained post your DH wrote the other night. Please tell him we really appreciated being kept up to date. The early days are so very hard, please take care of yourselves and rest.

kwannabee · 01-23-2008, 11:19 AM

i sit here fighting back tears for you cuz i just cant seem to wrap my mind around it all - even being through it myself with my girls never takes the shock away when i hear it about someone else...my hopes and prayers go out to you and your family and i wish you nothing but peace and comfort...i wish there was something more i could say

i am coming up to another birthday and alot has happened since Aimee and Dana entered my life, but i remember those first days when it took all the energy i had just to open my eyes in the morning and put my feet on the floor...cuz just for those few precious seconds before my mind focussed i felt like i could breathe normally, feel alive...but then reality would set in and i was reminded of what i'd lost...it was a horrible way to wake up. all i can say, is that you just have to take one day at a time, and put one foot in front of the other.
i read a book that for the life of me i cant remember the title - i will find it for you but the author was Bettie Eadie.

-she recounts (and is scientifically verified as the truest account believable) her passing over and what she saw and learned in Heaven. What i believe logically or emotionally didnt matter...all i wanted was the knowledge that my girls were okay.

what i learned (from her) was that all baby souls know where they are going, who they will be with, and how long they will stay. It is predestined. We have no control, no say in it...it is what it is. To me, that made me think okay maybe i DIDNT do something wrong...maybe it WASNT my fault...maybe i was NOT in control of the situation...all those things that ran through my mind causing guilt and shame at my inability to protect my babies...it took months and months and alot of support from my cysters...but i know at the biginning i didnt see it that way.

just remember you might feel disconnected...but theres lots of little angel cysters resting on your shoulder who will be there for you...even if they've had a few years to move forward.

in loving memory of your babies...and mine....and every baby soul thats come into our lives....just remember you're not alone.

SabrinaBusch · 01-23-2008, 11:54 AM

I agree with sheri, my daughter was my world, and I have completely changed since I lost her. I am not the same person I was and it took a time to figure out who I was again. You look at things so differently and all the things that meant so much before mean nothing. At the beginning I thought I was going through the grieving ok, but then out of no where it hits. I've learned its a long road that is the worst and the hardest that I've traveled.
I'm here if you need anything.

I am so very sorry, we are here to listen.

*DannysMom* · 01-23-2008, 12:25 PM

Jules,

I want to extend my deepest sympathy to you and dh. I am so sorry for your loss.

Yes, I have experienced second trimester loss. We lost our beautiful twins (son & daughter) and our son. If you ever wish to talk so many of us are here.

You are in my thoughts & prayers.

Hugs,
Karen

jackie_h1 · 01-23-2008, 01:48 PM

Jules,

I lost my son 4yrs ago and I know what you are going through. I want you to know I'm always here for you! PM or email, K? Having each other, sharing experience, just knowing our ears & eyes are here to listen to whatever you need.

Time does help the healing. Talking (I think the support group will help) with cysters here and at the hospital group.

Sending all of my love, condolences, friendship out to you.

GOD BLESS!

lovepotato · 01-23-2008, 03:21 PM

I had a 3rd trimester loss 2 years ago. It still hurts and I think about Eric every day, but it does get better.
I started really believing in God after I lost Eric, because the only way I could accept it was to know that he was safe. I couldn't think that he was anywhere but Heaven.
SC is part of what saved me from being bitter and depressed. There's always someone who will answer your post. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. No one deserves it. But you're definitely not alone, and you're in my thoughts and prayers.

alwayzrn · 01-23-2008, 04:14 PM

Jules--I had only been dealing with my loss of Tre' for a week when I heard that you lost your lil ones and I felt hit in the gut all over again. I ached for you just as much as I ached for myself. You are so in my thoughts and prayers. If you need to talk I am there and always will be...

Adrianne

uwalcott · 01-24-2008, 07:26 PM

Jules, I am still crying reading these posts but I wanted to say again how very, very sorry I am.

I did not have a 2nd trimester loss but when I lost Emmanuella it was late in the 1st trimester. I saw her after she came out. I know it can't really compare to the loss of three beautiful fully developed babies. I can't even imagine what that's like and I pray that I will never have to. But I feel the grief you are feeling even to this day. ((hugs)) I am so sorry that this happened to you. But like another poster said, I'm proud of you too. You went through so much and came so far. You are an inspiration to every woman battling PCOS, miscarriage, birth defects, prematurity and every other condition that has attacked our group of sisters. Be strong, I love you.

Please know too that it is OK if you do not want to TTC again. If you do all your sisters will support you including me. But there may be a limit for you. Personally speaking if I have one or two more miscarriages I am not going to TTC again. I will pursue adoption in that case. I admire any woman who has the spirit and heart to keep trying, as Gina said, to desire to be a mother so much that she is willing to start over, over and over again. But that person is not me. I can only take so much pain and you should not be ashamed if you end up feeling like that.

I love ya honey!