DH was a little hesitant at first, but once I explain my reasons why i wanted to adpot, he was fine with it. We couldn't get pg on our own, so doc put me on Metformin. After 5 months I got a BFP only to miscarry at 11 weeks. I decided I didn't want to go back on the meds for a while b/c they made me horrible sick. And we're currently living overseas, so going to a specialist right now is not going to happen. So I said I wanted to adopt now and in a few years we'll try to get pregnant again. He now is very excited about the idea!
I will say that he has reservations about adopting a boy. We are going to start by adopting a girl. He has said that if I can't get pg again, he would adopt a boy, but that he wants a girl first. I respect how he feels and when we start the process (I'm currently researching agencies) we'll specify a girl.
Good luck with everything. Just be honest, both of you should be open about your feelings and opinions- you'll be surprised at what some open discussion can produce!
Yes, Candy, it took a few years for my DH to come around.
The final straw for me came after another few rounds of fertility meds and enough poking and prodding to make me sick. I said I was done TTC--final answer. Took a long break thinking things over but I knew in my heart adoption was our path.
During the Easter season of 2002 he went to church, prayed on it, and came home to say he was ready. He didn't want me to go through anymore agony TTC and he really wanted another child. I know prayer isn't everyone's "answer" but it sure did him a world of good!
I don't begrudge DH for taking so long (LOL) because if he hadn't we might not have little Emily, you know. Things happen for a reason and we had to wait for her to be born to make sure we had the right baby for our family!!
We decided on China for lots of reasons. But I'd have to say we both just felt that pull in the right direction.
You & Mike will too. You will just know it's the right thing to do!
Keep me posted!!
__________________
Happily married for 19 years & mommy to 3 beautiful daughters
~13 year old (born preemie @ 24 weeks), 5.5 year old & 3.5 year old (both born in China!)~
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We had actually started the process once before now. We were living in Chicago and I think I pushed it along. The big problem was he saw a picture of two little boys and fell in love. We hadn't even started classes yet so.....you know what happened. There were adopted. When he found that out he decided five days before we were to start classes that he wasn't ready. It was rough for a while but we pulled through. I was so hurt because I felt he was taking my chance at being a mom away. We didn't even know I had PCOS at that time and also didn't know that he also had a problem. I have always felt in my heart that I would adopt, but I also thought I would feel a little human in my womb.
It was when we came back home and he finally had a sperm count to make up his mind (which also took me years to get him to do). I had to break the news to him that he would never to be able to father a child (the hardest thing I have ever had to do).
But it only took us a few days to move forward and now we are a week from our adoption homestudy being approved. A week from today we go on a list and wait. The thing I have learned with adoption is that it is one big WAITING process.
It may take some time but if and when the timing is right it will happen and you will find adoption a blessing also.
Stacy
__________________ Me 39
DH 42
DS 13 Lord help me survive the teenage years!!!
What God brings you to,
He will bring you through it.
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I think it's normal for the guys to be hesitant about adoption. Haven't a clue as to why, but they all seem to be for some reason.
After our second IVF failed, I was ready to move on. Dh wanted to try again. We met a couple who had adopted both of their children (both boys). The husband talked to dh about how he felt about adoption, that he couldn't love his boys more, that it didn't matter they were adopted. I think talking with him really helped dh see that adoption was going to be okay for us. Once he spoke with that couple, he was all for adoption. And once he knew about ds, he was thrilled to death that he was someone's daddy, that he finally had a boy of his own, after nearly 5 years of infertility. Dh loves ds so much, it doesn't matter that he was not born to us. Dh loves our boy so much that he has found himself another job just so he can be home with us more (he's getting out of the cockpit and going to be flying a desk here very soon!)--you have to understand that this is a HUGE step for dh, as I never thought I would see the day that he would willingly stop flying.
Give your dh time to think about it. I think it's harder for the guys to give up the dream of having bio children. Maybe get together with couples who have adopted and let him talk to them. The fear of the unknown is always the worst.
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My ex was hesitant when we were married too. He was hesitant to see the RE and then finally agreed. After our failed attempts he wanted to "take a break", but I was ready to start a family. I think his fear was that at least with a pregnancy he'd have 9 months to get ready to be a father. With adoption (little did he know how long it took), he was afraid that the next week, our carefree lives without children would be over. When the opportunity came to adoption my daughter (birthmom was still 4 months from due date) he said "NO", but I had to lay the tears on him (it may sound funny, but its true). I told him that I wouldn't feel complete without being a Mom and if he really didn't want children, than we didn't belong together (I meant every word). He came around about 3 weeks later, but we talked about it EVERYDAY and went to meet our birthmom. I think that men are hesitant because they are afraid, but that they won't love an adopted child.
Just my two cents.
__________________ 36 yrs, divorced w/one daughter (adopted)
Official Diagnosis PCOS: May, 1997
Medications: 500 mg Met XR 1 x daily, 10 mcg Byetta 2 x daily, 10 mg Lisinpril
Symptoms: strings of pearl-like cysts, acne, no periods, hirsutism, type 2 diabetes, weight issues, skin tags, you name it I've got it
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Was anyones DH "hesitant"? 
