Anytone else dreading Mother's Day?

cystermoon · 05-01-2003, 06:34 PM

I can't watch tv or look at the paper without seeing the reminder of what is not to be again for me. What is worse is I discovered my EDD would have probably been more like May 10th, a day before Mother's Day (in the U.S.)

I've been trying really hard not to let this get me down but it really is just another terrible reminder. I do consider myself a mother even though my children are all in Heaven. It isn't something you can say to everyone and expect them to understand.

Just felt the need to open up...

VJ · 05-01-2003, 07:46 PM

Yes, I'm dreading it too. I thought this year was going to be different for a change. Yeah, it's different alright...now I have the thought of my little one in heavan. I've always been able to handle Mother's Day before because I had never been pregnant, so I was fine. I usually give a Mother's Day brunch at my home but not this year.

I can't take it! My sister has a six month old that she didn't even want at first. Hell, she didn't even know she was pregnant for 33 weeks!

My sister-in-law just had her fourth child a little over a week ago. I love them all but I refuse to torture myself by having them all over my house, if I don't have to. My insensitive mother and mother-in-law had the nerve to ask if I was having the brunch. I DON'T THINK SO!!! Heck no! It' just a little over 3 months. Am I supposed to act like it never happened?

I agree with you a 100%! As far as I'm concerned I am a mother and nobody can tell me differently. This is just one of my bitter moments. Thanks for making me vent. I needed that! Don't let it get you down. I'll deliver my Mother's Day flowers as usual and move on. You will move on to. Best wishes.

Vanise

airforcewifeynva · 05-01-2003, 07:58 PM

ME!! This time last year I was pregnant with my little Dallas. I was looking forward to this year and actually being a mommy. It doesnt help that my birthday is this weekend and next weekend is Mother's Day. I guess technically we are all still mothers but it just doesnt feel the same does it? *Big Hugs* to all us mommies.

MichelleJ · 05-01-2003, 09:31 PM

airforcewifeynva - I just read your story about your son Dallas. I was very sorry that you have been through so much in your life. I just had my 2nd miscarriage and my EDD was Oct. 18. I miscarried at 7 weeks for both miscarriages. I wish you all the luck with your new baby on the way. I can only imagine what joy you must feel and how far away October really is.

VJ and cystermoon - I went last weekend to a friends baby shower (EDD June 18 - girl) and it was very hard for me not to cry.

This week my friend at work son's girlfriend is pregnant (EDD Sept 21) and they just found out its a boy. They even had sonogram pictures to show.

My cousin and his wife just found out their baby is a boy (EDD Aug 20).

And I know how unthinking mom can be, believe me mine takes the cake. My cousin and his wife were taking their tour of the hospital on a Sunday afternoon and my uncle (mom's brother) was over at my grandmothers telling this and my mom looks over at me and says "Well, you won't have to go for your hospital tour on March 24". I just got up and left. I had my D&C March 5.

For my first pregnancy, it was my mother's day gift to my mom and mom-in-law, the announcement of their 1st grandchild. I lost that baby May/June 2001 @ 7 weeks. That was my first mother's day.

We don't really celebrate holidays in my family and I guess now that I've had 2 miscarriages, I'm glad.

cystermoon · 05-02-2003, 12:50 PM

(((HUGS))) Vanise, Jessica, and Michelle. Thanks for the moral support and sharing your own stories. I don't know how crazy I'd be if I didn't have a support group like this to come vent to. With my first two losses I had no access to the Internet (They occurred before the Internet-age) and no-one I knew had ever experienced a m/c so there was no one who could relate. People got pg and had babies. I was the odd ball of the group. I now know that I am not alone and with that knowledge, and the comfort I get with sharing my pain, I have dealt with things 10 times better than I thought I would.

I am making the hardest decision of my life right now. I have finally broke down and made an appointment with the RE for a counseltation to discuss a possible FET. I have three embies left. The decision just to make this appointment has weighed heavily on my mind for months now. Do I really want to put myself through all of this again? Can I really bear a fourth pg/loss? And how can I truly be happy if I do get pg? I will be so overly paranoid that my life will be nothing but worry and fear.

I am not getting any younger and this will be our very last attempt to TTC our own child. We aren't the Rockefellars, we can't afford another go at IVF. I doubt we can even afford to pursue adoption since that would cost more than the IVF does. I just don't know. I feel conflicted but I know I will regret it if I don't at least try this.

Why, oh why must I put myself through this agony? Everyone thinks I am so brave. My DH called me his hero for all that I have been through. Well I don't feel brave or heroic. I'm not really sure how I feel. Scared, mostly and very, very tired of this whole ugly rollercoaster ride.

Louie · 05-02-2003, 02:52 PM

I can relate... just saw a mother's day ad on tv yesterday and it made me sad... I know that DH would have been getting me a little card or something if we were still pr. Oh well, what can we do other than keep trying, and try to keep the faith that it will happen for us soon. Still, even that will never take away the feeling of loss, knowing we'll never get to mother our little angels. Life is so hard sometimes.

Jenny33 · 05-02-2003, 04:34 PM

My EDD would have been May 30th. So I totally know where you all are coming from. And I keep hearing of friends getting pregnant. It is definitely not easy. But hang in there everyone. Try to spend this Mother's Day thinking of your own mom and shower the love on her instead. My mom has been battling terminal cancer and I'm just happy that she is still around - I don't know how many more Mother's Days we might have together.

Jenny

Louie · 05-02-2003, 05:14 PM

Sorry to hear about your mom, Jenny. I am sure that's very difficult. ((hugs))

FamilyBound · 05-02-2003, 10:04 PM

When we were TTCing (for over four years), Mother's day became progressively worse and worse for me. My last two IVF cycles ended up m/c and the following Mother's Days were completely depressing. We always did Mother's Day at my parents house so I wasn't able to ignore the holiday -- and truthfully, it wasn't fair to my mom.

Perhaps on Mother's Day you can start a special thread on here where everyone can talk and share?

shenacat · 05-02-2003, 11:20 PM

I'm trying really hard not to consider myself as a mom, it's hard for me because of my spirituality as well, because I believe there are three phases to a woman's life, and thought that the mother phase was supposed to be joyous and representing major (good) life change. And here it is, I was pg but lost it. I don't think that should count as the movement into the 2nd phase. I just can't let myself think that I was given such a horrible transition. :|

*DannysMom* · 05-03-2003, 01:49 AM

Last May I became pregnant and dh and i giggled that we'd be parents same time next year- we ended up with our first miscarriage at 8w4d's... then became pregnant again with twins and due this June 6th... I feel am overwhelming sadness... I wanted so much for this pregnancy to have a happy ending. I have lost my hope and feel so depressed. My mother passed away on Mother's Day eight years ago. My 13 month old nephew's b-day is coming up on the 10th... he died tragically... he would have been 4 yrs old- my brother is having his fourth child a week before I would have had my babies... I wish my Mom could be with me now...I feel like my heart has so much sadness... I believe we are all mommy's this year... even though we don't have our babies to hold. I am so sorry for all of you who have experienced these losses- I know the aching you are feeling in your hearts.

lifes2short · 05-03-2003, 04:30 AM

I dread mothers day.
Being the youngest in my family, I am the only one without kids.
Mothers day is huge in my family, they all sit around and praise each other and talk children and when they have decided to have another one ( YES it is a choice).
I lost my little girl at 16 weeks and my edd date was next month.
They exclude me as I am not a mother and have no tact.
I have had a fet cycle done and are due for my blood test on Friday, and maybe again I will be accepted in there motherly group.
Fingers crossed
Bec

Sapphire Spirit · 05-03-2003, 10:33 PM

I had my 2nd miscarriage on Mother's Day 2 years ago. I couldn't believe I could be delivered such a cruel irony. I never thought I would be able to face Mother's Day ever again.
This Mother's Day will be my first with my son Lachlan. I feel a bit numb about it and I still remember the pain and the grief but I also feel blessed.........I guess it will be bittersweet for me in a way.
I just wanted to say I NEVER thought I would get to share a Mother's Day with my child, and this year I am. Don't give up hope my friends. I hope that future Mother's Days can be a day of celebration for you all and not a day of sorrow. Remember, we are all mummy's whether our children are here with us or special little angels in heaven.
I know the hurt, the ache in your hearts (I still feel it a little myself) and my love goes out to you.

Take Care

Amy

isitmytimeyet · 05-03-2003, 11:28 PM

I have dreaded Mother's Day for 10 years now. Everyone I know has children to spend the day with. I plan on working this year but i know that won't take away the pain and emptiness.

cystermoon · 05-05-2003, 12:46 AM

Quote:

When we were TTCing (for over four years), Mother's day became progressively worse and worse for me. My last two IVF cycles ended up m/c and the following Mother's Days were completely depressing. We always did Mother's Day at my parents house so I wasn't able to ignore the holiday -- and truthfully, it wasn't fair to my mom. Perhaps on Mother's Day you can start a special thread on here where everyone can talk and share?

Carrie, so glad to see you come over!!!!!!!!!!!!! It really means so much to me!!!(((HUG))) Thank you so much for sharing! I'd be willing to start a Mother's Day thread here. We are still Mother's whether we are holding our babies here or we hold them in Heaven, at least that is how I feel, anyway.

Thank you all for sharing with me. You can't imagine how good it makes me feel to know that I can come here and glean support through others stories and experiences. As the time gets closer to the EDD day, I find myself crying more and more. It just seems unjust and unfair that I have to go through all of this, but thankfully I know I am not going through it alone. God Bless everyone for your continual support.