April Due Date - Losses - Page 4

SassyMKB · 09-03-2008, 11:24 AM

Amanda - I definitely see how you would need the extra time!!

Like IMG, I also have a long hour, high stress job. Luckily, my RE does morning monitoring at 7:30 and even though it's 25 minutes in the opposite direction of work, I'm usually in by 9 (I'm normally at work by 8, but figure no one really notices if it's 9 every once in a while). After my bad news, I ended up taking the week off "sick." Being back at work has been incredibly difficult, but I'm slowly starting to heal emotionally. I went for an acupunture session last week where she hit my "grief points" and I really think it helped. She said that I need to grieve but then "let go" so I can be "open" when my body is ready for the next pregnancy. Wish I knew exactly what "let go" means.... I think now I'm in the angry stage...

Jennifer - sorry you are still in the waiting stage. Hope it all resolves itself quickly.

IMG - I hope that everything works out! A chance is still a chance!!

ready2conceive · 09-03-2008, 05:46 PM

I was able to start work at 830 or 9 but the RE only does IUI's after 10am so that was what was hard to work around. I am in a much better place not having the stress and long hours. I am at home and have got used to it. I love to cook and clean so I just kind of fit in here. I just hope that when I go back to work...or looking...that I find something easily.

IMG2005 · 09-07-2008, 02:01 PM

When r u ladies planning to TTC again?
I just wanna start ASAP.

SassyMKB · 09-07-2008, 08:23 PM

IMG - I would love to start immediately, but my Dr wants me to go through 2 cycles so my body can "recover" before we start trying again.

Dealing with all of this still is incredibly hard. Today DH and I went to the grocery store and it was filled with couples with young babies. Gave me my cry for the day. I still cry every day... I never know what's going to trigger me. Wonder when that will stop....

jennifermcc · 09-07-2008, 09:04 PM

IMG- seems like I've heard that 2 cycles is normal. That seems like forever to me. However I know women who have have gotten pg the next cycle after miscarriage. Of course those are women that conceive naturally. I don't know what the significance of 2 cycles is. My dr hasn't said anything yet about how long I have to wait. We are still waiting for my hcg to go back to 0 I guess once that happens they will let me know when I can try again.

Mellissa-((hugs)) I have just recently been able to stop myself from crying and make it through the day. I continue to have a real feeling of sadness but it seems to be getting better. For me it was really hard because I was still bleeding until a couple of days ago so that was a constant reminder. I hope you start to feel better soon.

-Jennifer

IMG2005 · 09-07-2008, 11:56 PM

Well, my RE said we cud TTC right away as soon as the m/c is complete & beta is < 5....however DH & I am gonna at least wait a month,considering the strong meds I just used,tho they say that it doesnt affect the future pregnancy,I wud just be a li'il cautious.

Melissa,I have been almost house-bound since the m/c ,so I dunno whats gonna trigger me outside........but its just the li'il things I had planned & dreamt of that keep triggering me sporadically......

SassyMKB · 09-08-2008, 12:33 AM

Thanks ladies. Most of the time it isn't so bad, but then all of a sudden I have a thought or see a baby and I just lose it.

My Dr also wants my HCG levels to get to 0. I've been going for blood tests every week. I guess I seem to forget that fact b/c it's sort of irrelevant to me since I assume by two cycles it will be back to 0.

IMG - take all the time you need before venturing out. I was attached to my couch for a week - from the time I got the "bad" u/s until all was "officially" confirmed and until after my D&C. My first day back to work was the worst. I honestly wasn't ready to go back, but after the first day I realized it was good for me to help get my mind off things - even if it was only for a little while.

SassyMKB · 09-09-2008, 01:04 PM

Just got back my HCG levels. It's down to 12 which is "really good" according to the nurse. Am I supposed to be excited about this?? I know they want it back to zero, but isn't HCG irrelevant if I still have to wait 2 cycles?

I'm hoping that miraculously my period comes on its own, otherwise they want me to wait 6 weeks from the D&C and then go on Provera, so we're talking 8 weeks for 1 cycle and then possibly another 8 to go through 2 cycles. That's 4 months until we can TTC again.... I hope it's sooner than that.

Winteraries · 09-09-2008, 02:08 PM

Hey guys. I'm new to this site. I got a positive pregnancy test on August 27th, saw the doctor on the following Wednesday, and this past Friday miscarried. I was 7 weeks and due on my DH birthday, April 20th.

I'm completely devastated. I am grateful in the sense that I know now that I can in fact get pregnant. I'm completely at a loss elsewise. I was told that on top of PCOS (as if that isn't enough), I now have some type of blood coagulation disorder. *sigh* My endocrinologist told me I had to stop taking my Metformin if I got pregnant, so I did. My OB told me yesterday I should have never stopped and have to take it until 14 weeks pregnant. I think my Endocrinologist made me miscarry...

Yesterday was my first visit post m/c and the stupid nurse said, "Have they given you a due date, yet?". I swear I wanted to punch her, but I just busted out crying inconsollably. Jesus. Don't those idiots know how to read?! Not to mention, that when I was sitting in the room, waiting for the doctor, it was just awful; both of the rooms next to me I could hear the fetal heartbeats of other pregnant women. They had that damned thing turned up to like Mach 5 or something. I wanted to just leave, but couldn't.

We want to try again right away, but I am totally petrified. My doctor said that since I didn't need a D/C we can start again ASAP. Physically, I suppose I'm ready since the m/c went fairly quickly. Only bad cramps for like 14 hours, then period like bleeding. I just am scared this is going to happen again.

Any words of wisdom? There has to be more than just this...

SassyMKB · 09-09-2008, 04:24 PM

Winteraries - I'm so sorry for your loss. I continue to be amazed by the insensitivity of others. Sorry for what you had to go through at your Dr's office. I don't think any of us will ever truly know what caused our m/cs. There seems to be no hard rule on metformin. Some Drs want you off right after you get a HPT+, some say first trimester, some keep you on the whole pregnancy. I was still on it when I had my m/c, so go figure....

As for trying again - part of me can't wait and the other part is terrified. My Dr wants my HCG back to Zero and to wait 2 cycles before trying again (I had a D&C). In addition to recovering physically, he said it's also important to recover emotionally - I guess so I'm not a nervous wreck the next time (fat chance that won't happen!).

I think we need to give ourselves time to grieve and I guess the right amount of time depends on the person. I still cry every day at random times and hope that will fade in time. Just glad to have an outlet like this with women who truly understand what I'm going through.

katword · 09-09-2008, 04:53 PM

Hi all.. So sorry for your losses.. im Katword, and this was my first pregnancy.. was due on 3/30/09..was diagnosed with a blighted ovum on sat , 9/6/08.
am so disillusioned.. The ER doc said that i was never really pregnant.. my body thought i was pregnant n prepared for a pregnancy but there was never any embryo

I was into this pregnancy for 11 weeks.. It was so close to the magic 12 weeks number, that i was sure i wouldnt m/c . And boom there it is.. I am still waiting to miscarry though.. am bleeding moderately now, n hoping to bleed out n avoid a d&c.
I feel soooooooo cheated n dont know what to believe.. Dh is a great help, but im scared.. i dont know if i have the energy to ttc. i dont know if this will happen again.. i didnt tell anybody but my closest friend who is a doctor herself, coz deep down i was scared i might m/c. Now i dont know if i can trust anything.. dont know what im feeling, am soo lost n nothing makes sense in the world.. n nothing seems important either

jennifermcc · 09-11-2008, 02:56 AM

Wintereries and Katword- I'm sorry for your losses. Hope you find some comfort here. I also was on Met when I miscarried. I do believe it helps prevent m/c for some cysters (my RE says there is alot of clinical evidence for it) but it is definitely not going to work in every case. Unfortunately most of us won't know what caused our m/c's. I think the stats are something like 1 in 5 pg end in m/c so it isn't uncommon. I've been suprised how many people I know have told me they have had miscarriages since they found out about mine. And most all of them went on to have successful pg's. All that said I know it doesn't make you (or me) feel any better.

I also had an experience at the dr's office. I went in last week and the nurse came in to take my bp and she asked if I had started any birth control medication. What? No I didn't start any birth control, my body still thinks it's pg and I preventing pg is the exact opposite of what I want to do!

I don't get the whole thing with dr's saying that we have to wait all this time to emotionally heal. For me TTC again is part of the healing process. Knowing that I am trapped for the next 4 months not being able to try again is emotional torture. I have been trying for #2 since last October, we finally got pg and now we have to wait. To me that is just the worst. Right now I know I am not physically ready but if I was I would definitelly try again right away.

I am still having a rough time. My beta from last Friday went up from 1400 to 1900 then on Monday it was down to 1400 again. I'm trying to just let this go without the meds or d&c but it seems to be taking a long time. I go in for another test tomorrow. If it is not trending down then I might opt for the shots. I am so emotional from all this hcg in my system and I have days where I am completely wiped out. My poor DH has to put up with all my crying and I'm not even really pg!

Sorry for the rant. I just had to get some of this out. We just got back from church where one of the women there announced she is having a baby due in May. Of course I am happy for her but just when I try to not focus on my m/c then something like this comes along and I am an emotional wreck again.

Well tomorrow is a new day (and hopefully less emotional)!

-Jennifer

katword · 09-12-2008, 03:38 PM

Hi Jennifer.. so sorry for ur loss.. and thanks everyone for all the support.. my friend just announced that she is pregnant.. bitter sweet.. We hadnt told anyone we were pg coz i was scared i might m/c

Anyway.. i kinda bled out everything on tuesday.. had the most HORRIBLE cramps n backache... but am not sure if i am done bleeding.. am sick and tired of seeing blood..

sorry to gross you guys out.. i just want to be done with this n move on with life.. Have a u/s scheduled on monday.. n will see if i am good.. doc said i could ttc after 2 cycles.. she said wait atleast 1 cycle.. dh is all enthu about ttc n keeps thinking positive about it.. but i dunno. im really scared.. i dont mind getting pg.. but if its a false alert n i m/c again.. i dont think i can handle it.. as it is my whole body hurts... the inside of my tummy.. ( i think its my uterus ) n my waist n back muscles are sooooo sore... have been living on ibuprufen..
I really dont know what to trust in life.. everything seems so unreal n meaningless...

Juno · 09-14-2008, 01:42 AM

Hi all,

I haven't posted in awhile but I have been checking in every few days or so to see how you all are doing.

AFM, I'm healing, some days are fine and others are not so easy. I just try to keep my head up and look forward to trying again. I had my 3-D ultrasound. It kinda hurt and felt like the longest pap test ever. My RE said he felt pretty sure that my uterus looks okay but will review the pictures more closely and to call him Monday. No scaring from the D&C and a healthy lining. He said that I have a slight bicornate uterus and no obvious septum. It should not interfere with a pregnancy. He still thinks the m/c resulted from the twin embryos basically "robbing" nutrition from each other. It's as good of an explanation that I am going to get. At this point, I realize that I can never really know and that I have to have enough faith that things will hopefully turn out better next time and try to think ahead to that time.
I am still waiting on AF but he did say it looked like I should expect that to happen anytime. When I do get AF, I am going to wait this cycle out even though he said I could start another round of femara. I feel like I need some more time even though I despartly want to become pregnant again. It's a lot of emotion, the ups and downs of a fertility cycle, and I want to be fully ready to face the stress of trying to get pregnant again.

To all those who are on this thread, my thoughts are with you and my heart breaks each time a new person joins. My RE told me yesterday, that m/c is so hard, but it is so much harder on those of us who have fertility challenges. I guess he has seen so many over the years.

As my story has been shared in my circle of family and friends, I have started to realize how often m/c really happens and sadly how many of us suffer the loss in priviate. I have only told a few people,feeling that the pain of this loss is such that most could not relate. Several women have shared their stories with me, even though some had gone on to have children who are now grown, they all expressed the same sentiment, this is something you never ever get over.

Well, I really do hope everyone is hanging in there. You all are in my thoughts. Stay strong.

SassyMKB · 09-15-2008, 11:19 AM

I'm also hearing of a lot more miscarriages since telling a few people about mine. I agree, Juno, it's so private but I think it helps in healing to know we are not alone.

AFM, I'm still crying just about once a day - maybe it's finally less. Random things set me off. Otherwise, I'm finding that I'm just angry at everything. I'm angry in my dreams. Poor DH has been bearing the brunt of most of it. Maybe it's part of healing or it's all the hormones fluctuating, but I'm not enjoying being this *****y. I'm just hoping it means that AF is coming on her own. I'm bloated and my skin is breaking out. It's only been 3 weeks since the D&C, but I REALLY hope AF comes soon and I don't have to wait 6 weeks and then be put on Provera.