Asking the men affected by PCOS.....

BeAsYouAre · 06-08-2006, 04:10 PM

Being diagnosed last year and only married for a year I am looking at the men for their views. I want to know it was explained to you, hopefully helping me explain better to my DH. If you are TTC, What is the greatest effect on you? Is it the let down of another month gone by? Or maybe that your partner is upset? How can your partner help you handle it as well?
I have tried several approaches but my DH just wants to avoid it. He wants a baby, but he avoids the topic of another month passing. I really would appreciate all advice and your insights.

Fyn_Hubby · 06-09-2006, 10:40 PM

The information that was shared with me was everything that my wife was able to find out about it. When she found something, she told me what it was, if I had a question, I asked and she answered. If she didn't know the answer, she would either ask the girls on here (one of the best sources in existance), or ask her doctor.

We are trying to conceive, but there aren't a whole lot of effects on me. I know it's not something that she has control over, and we're taking steps to help us along with the issue. We're doing what we can, and we're going to keep on keeping on until we get it done. Another month might have went by without us having a child, but right along with that, another month went by that I got to spend with the woman I love. Nobody should EVER let the bad overshadow the good. It's real easy to get caught up in the bad, I know. But to deny all the good that goes on as well is an insult to everyone involved.

The sadness, depression, stress, and so on, that my DW feels as we go along does effect me. But, I seem to remember something along the lines of "for better or for worse" when I married her, and I take those vows seriously. I'm going to be there to help her out through the tough times just as much as I'm going to the there to share and enjoy all of the good.

The only thing I ever need my wife to do for me is explain something if I don't understand it, and let me know what's bothering her. If there's anything at all that I can do to help her out, I'm going to do it. If I can change the frown or worried look into a smile, I'm going to do it. If I can get us out of the house and off doing something enjoyable to try and clear out all the stuff weighing down on her, I'm going to. Not just to get her distracted, but to lift that pressure for a while, and then reassure her that I'm there to help.

She's got enough to worry about with what she's dealing with with the PCOS, I don't need to add anything else to the burden she's already carrying. My jobs to ease that burden, not add to it.

If he wants to avoid it, then I'm not sure what to tell you. He'd be ranked as "one of those guys I just can't understand". Thinking about it though, I would probably change the way that you approach him about it.

Do a little research/question asking around here for the kinds of things that you can do to help with TTC, and talk to him about those kinds of things. Some of the stuff that you tell him about, he's probably not going to be able to understand a whole lot, and he'll have to ask you about them. That's when you can give him a little more information about what all is going on. Not all at once, just give him the info he needs to understand why you're doing it, and then if he has more questions, answer those. If he doesn't have any more questions, then just leave it at that and see what you can do about getting him to ask some more.

As I mentioned before, he seems to be the kind of guy that I just don't quite understand, so I might be giving you very sound advice, and I might not. I really can't tell you for sure.

Another thing you might try to do is ask him about what all concerns and questions he has, and doing your best to answer them for him. He might just have so many questions that he doesn't want any additional information until he's got all of his other questions answered, because the more info he hears that he doesn't understand, the more confused and frustrated he becomes.

Guys do need help from time to time too, I'll admit it. But if you can find out a little more about what all it is that's bugging him so much that he just doesn't want to talk about it, and what you can do to help ease that frustration, I'd think he would be able to come around and become more of a support for you than he is right now by avoiding the issue.

PCOS is something you're going to have to deal with for some time. Ignoring it isn't going to help anything, and is actually more likely to harm. If it's going to be overcome, he's going to have to deal with it right along side you. No battle is easy when you don't know who/what you're up against, and how to go about fighting it.

I hope that helps.

BeAsYouAre · 06-10-2006, 06:50 AM

Wow what a wonderful husband and support person. Thanks for your input. I am going to try this weekend to get him to check out the site. Maybe that will help him. He really is a great husband and I know he means well. Thanks again. Good Luck TTC***BABYDUST***your way

Fyn_Hubby · 06-10-2006, 11:49 AM

Let him know that while there aren't all that many of us, there are at least some other guys on the site too.

It might help him a bit if he doesn't feel like he's alone.

mrpurrhead · 07-05-2006, 03:46 AM

TTC? DH? I am confused here. What do those acronyms mean?

Anyway my DW?? has PCOS w/ IR. I did not know when I married her, I am not sure she even really knew what she had though she knew there was something wrong. Anyway I am supportive, I don't blame her or anything, it's not like it's her fault or anything. Since all the drugs and everything is completely covered by my health plan, it is not that bad. Even when Avandia was new and not approved in Canada it was covered (though she is off of that now). We are going into a special clinic in Ontario for the next steps which might be IVF. Right now we are working on diet/exercise, she's been on Chlomed, Metforin, Avandia, Folic/Folate, and some naturopathic tinctures. If we get quads it'll all be worth it

Fyn_Hubby · 07-05-2006, 04:16 AM

TTC = Trying To Conceive
DH = Dear/Darling Husband
DW = Dear/Darling Wife

Adoption Momma · 07-05-2006, 05:02 AM

I'm sure my DH can provide better insight than I can, but I know my hormones have been at times worst than a roller coaster. He could look at me wrong and I would go off. I know he can get frustrated just trying to figure out what to do or not to do.

DH is a "let me fix it now" kinda guy and PCOS is the enemy to this kind of personality. For me, I just had to say, "This is what I'm going thru right now. I need your support and I need you to just listen to me; don't try to fix it." The more I learn about PCOS, I share w/him. I make sure he understands "this is important to me". I've got a great DH. He goes w/me to all of my dr appt (I shared a while back one time during my yearly examine he and dr had a football conversation while dr gave me a breast exam. LOL). Ask him to participate; get material for him to read.

I was dx'd a year after we got married. Keep in mind your marriage is still new and you both are still getting adjusted to being husband and wife. That alone is stressful, but you also have PCOS in the mix. If he is a traditional man, then he feels it's role to protect you and he can't protect you from this.

Hope to see more responses from the DH/SO POV.

mrpurrhead · 07-05-2006, 02:41 PM

I am reading a book called "Living with P.C.O.S." by Angela Boss - Evelina Weidman Sterling - Rchard S. Legro, M.D.

It is a very simple book that pretty much seems to outline a lot.