My uncle passed this week and the visitation is tonight. I don't think I can handle going because I am going to be thinking of my loss and I know it sound selfish but what can I do? Should I go, stay home?
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-Mandy-
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Mandy, I can relate. My grandpa died less than a month after I lost Gabriel last year. I cried a lot, for both of my losses, and nobody questioned me. I don't believe that my grandpa, who loved me, would have been angry with me for being upset for the loss of my son (he knew what it was like to lose a child). Do you think that people will look at you weird for crying a lot? I don't know your family, but usually people are focused on the person who died and themselves too much to worry about what other people are doing. And don't feel "selfish." It's normal that another death triggers grieving for someone else. It really happens to everyone. In fact, when I go to funerals, I often think of all of my loved ones who have gone before. At my aunt's funeral last summer, I visited the grave of my other grandpa and cried at the grave along with other relatives.
Anyways, sorry if I am being too incoherent. My personal opinion is that you should go, not worry about what other people think, and not feel guilty for mourning your child. It would be tactless for anyone to question you for crying at a funeral....
I hope this helps....
Hugs and sorry for your loss,
Adrianne
__________________ Adrianne 31, DH 44 - married 6/01 - 2 DSDs (13 & 15)
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Mandy, I completely relate. Two of my losses there were two losses to family & friends...one was DH's best friends mom & the other was and uncles mom. I went to both and cried my eyes out...I felt bad b/c technically I wasn't crying for the person that passed but for my own loss. No one even questioned me b/c of where we were so at least I didn't get a hundred questions and I could grieve my own way.
The thing that comforts me is that @ the time of my losses, there was someone that passed that I knew so at least my children have someone to watch over them as well as other family members that have passed years ago.
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Traci
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The first funeral or memorial type of event will be hard, whether you decide to go to this one or wait. It just brings everything back. Life ends, and we are too often reminded of that. Let us know what you decide.
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
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we have had a lot of loss in the last 5 years one example is that we buried Caitlin between dh's dad and brother. it may seem tacky to some that don't get it, but dh and i actually discuss when someone dies if their funeral is worth the pain it will bring us. if it isnt then we dont go. the person that is gone does not care, and you know what if you were there for them when they were alive, then that means a hell of a lot more to them than the people that came to the funeral for looks...do ya follow me?
decide what is right for you, the only person that has to live with the decision at the end of the day is you...good luck with this difficult decision and a hug from iowa
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who knew your heart could break and you could still breathe
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I decided to stay home- I was in tears already when I left work and having to deal with dreaming about the baby again last night and then going to the ob/gyn for the upteenth time today because my miscarriage STILL isn't complete was just too much for me. My mom understands so I'm ok with it, too
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-Mandy-
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I'm glad you had the chance to sit this one out while you are still actually going through your loss. Too much is too much. (((Hugs)))
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Attending Family Member's Visitation?? 
Let us know what you decide.
