Brief back story on me: TTC from 2000 to 2003, 3 pregnancies, all multiples (damn Gonal-F), all m/c in week 14. Last m/c, May 2003. 12 angels total.
I've been to ONE baby shower since then and that was only because it was at work for a co-worker and I planned it by delegating out as much of the work as possible.
Now the clunker: I have 4 best friends. One has two grown daughters, one has no children, one has 4 boys but lives in AZ and the last is now 7.5 months pregnant. Her baby shower is this Saturday. I offered and paid for the cake. I offered and am buying her a 4 in 1 convertible crib and I was asked to be Godmother to her son-to-be and I accepted.
The real problem is that I DON'T want to go to her baby shower. For starters, it's a 3.5 hour drive to Philadelphia from where I live now (I'm a native Philadelphian just as she is). So that's seven round trip hours of driving and I already suffer from Arthritis and chronic back pain.
It's already snowing here and the weather forecasts are never really reliable anyway. Next week, DH and I are driving to Philly to fly out to go on vacation but he'll do a majority of the driving.
I'm worried I'll catch a cold or get sick before going. DH had a scratchy throat and I had some stuffiness. We're not sick but I'm afraid the travel will lower my resistance and I'll get sick.
On top of that, the amount of money in gas will cost another 100 bucks since it's over 3 bucks a gallon. And I get great gas mileage but I know how much gas I'll need and it'll be 100 bucks.
And...I really just do NOT want to go. I'm not upset she's having a baby. I'm more annoyed she wants to include the idiot sperm donor's name on the cake I PAID FOR but after further review, I really don't care what's on the stupid cake.
I don't accept invitations to other baby showers. I was uncomfortable at my co-worker's baby shower here but was able to blend into the background. I feel good I was able to make it through her whole pregnancy without feeling much emotion about it.
But, as someone will surely point out, this is one of my best friends. I'm also sure someone will say "suck it up and go." That's not as easy to do as it was to type out.
Let me also add that this shower was supposed to be in early January. But because my best friend complained that everyone would be broke after Christmas, it got moved up to a week before my Caribbean vacation. And after all of the hardship DH and I have been through this year, we NEED this vacation. So this has all come together a lot faster than I originally planned. She just would not buy that people would go to Target and pull her registry and purchase a gift while doing their Christmas shopping.
I still have a ton of stuff to do to prepare to go on vacation and I'm losing the entire weekend. There will only be so much I can do after work each day before the 15th.
I'm determined to not go. So I either need advice on how to get out of it and I need to know if I'm normal. I really do not know what to do.
Somebody please help me!
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There is clearly not a simple answer- I just keep coming back to how would you feel if it was you pregnant, her having difficulty conceiving, and she really didn't want to come?
It may not be life threatening, but this condition messes women up in the head worse than many that are. Good luck with your troubles!
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I guess if the tables were reversed and she had a vacation planned long before the shower date was changed and needed that time to prepare and had the obstacles of snow travel and possibly getting tired out from the driving and getting sick, I'd tell her she would be missed and to send me a postcard.
__________________ Dx: 2000
Glucophage 2000mg/day
PCOS symptoms: anovulation (glucophage helps), mild acne, facial hair (weekly waxes), slightly overweight (diet, exercise and glucophage keeps it in check), infertility (no longer ttc).
Married 12/28/98 to the perfect man. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
3 pg, 3 m/c
No BCP's (I hate them)
5'8" tall
weight at wedding: 140
weight after infertility treatments: 190
current weight: 147 (7 to go!)
goal weight range: 140-150
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if you friend cares anything about you she would understand the reason why you dont feel like going to her baby shower. or you could always lie and say that you are sick and you dont want to get her sick but one day before the baby is born you and her can get together and do something.
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I refused to go to any baby showers for about 3 years. I wasn't sorry. And I understood when my then-undiagnosed-PCOS-infertile SIL didn't come to mine. I would make up some excuse about the drive and not go...you already planned and paid for the cake, etc, I would think of some reason you can't go.
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"you came down with broncitis" or "you came down with a cold" and don't want to jepordize the health of her baby. You're really sorry you had to miss it, but you really don't want anything happening to your future godchild!
She'll be disappointed you can't come, but she'll see you as a sweetheart for not wanting to jeopardize her baby's health. And you don't have to go.
__________________ Peggy
21 and single
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Joined WW January 13, 2009. As of April 6, 2009, I've lost 40.8 pounds and loving it!
"you came down with broncitis" or "you came down with a cold" and don't want to jepordize the health of her baby. You're really sorry you had to miss it, but you really don't want anything happening to your future godchild!
That's EXACTLY what I was going to say. She can't say you don't care - look at all the stuff you got her, and how you plan to be the godmother. Hey, stuff happens, people get sick.
Do this for you. You need to take care of yourself, and protecting your emotions is part of that.
That's EXACTLY what I was going to say. She can't say you don't care - look at all the stuff you got her, and how you plan to be the godmother. Hey, stuff happens, people get sick.
Do this for you. You need to take care of yourself, and protecting your emotions is part of that.
i feel the same way, (sigh) the only pregnant person at this time is my SIL and i still havent congratulated her....it hurts
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Interesting. How about, you paid for the cake, you accepted to be the Godmother...you'd rather wait and make the trip to support her when the baby is born? If she had to pick one, you coming to the shower or you coming after the baby is here...I'm sure she'd pick the latter. You already had plans, and they don't coincide with this change of date for the shower!
I hope this works for you! I'm helping to plan my hsbf's baby shower in January, but it's only an hour away from me. She lives in Watertown, NY though, and I want to save up to be able to go visit after she delivers, to help her out. God Bless, and enjoy your vacation!!!
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I can totaly understand why u dont want to go.
Can't you tell a little white lie and tell her you've come down with a really bad cold or flu.
It's not like your not wanting to know about her baby or her, your going to be the childs god mother.
And i am sure you'll go see the baby when it's born.
Just tell her a little white lie, after all you've been through i am sure she'll understand.
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I believe you have legitimate reasons for not wanting to go. If you can look back at this and be happy with your decision of not attending your friend's baby shower, then by all means don't go. A lot of it depends on your relationship with your friend and how understanding she is of you situation and how supportive you are of hers. Hope this helps.
That's EXACTLY what I was going to say. She can't say you don't care - look at all the stuff you got her, and how you plan to be the godmother. Hey, stuff happens, people get sick.
Do this for you. You need to take care of yourself, and protecting your emotions is part of that.
I agree. If she's a good enough friend to you, she's going to understand.
__________________ Elaina
Diagnosed PCOS 2006
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Wife to David, Momma to Jackson 02, Colton, 04
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I'd tell her the truth. She's your best friend. Surely she knows how hard it's been for you. Surely she has seen the pain of your miscarriages. I really wouldn't bother with all of the other justifications. If you tell her those, she may feel trivial.
I'd just tell her that her new baby (your god child) does mean a LOT to you. But it's a special day for her, and you can't trust your emotions to get the better of you. Tell her that you really feel you've done your best to 'get it together' and go, but you just can't do it. I'd emphasise how happy you are for her, and that you will be there with bells on to help when the baby is born.
I am sure she'd be put out, but she'll also appreciate the honesty, and know that the reason you couldn't go is valid, not an inconsequential cold or not wanting to drive etc.
Then... maybe on the day of the shower, send a telegram or fax or whatever like people do for weddings.
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Baby Shower Looming...Please HELP! 
