I'm typing this feeling extremely disjointed. I'm not quite sure what the message behind this post is, but I guess I'm just looking for some help because I am feeling really desperate right now.
My PCOS has been completely out of control for the past two months and today my bleeding that I've had for almost two months now got completely flood-like. I've had a headache for at least 3 months everyday, now I have a headcold. My DH is working so much - I've got until Tuesday until he's home. My DD is 2 (which is such a full on, frustrating, screamy, tantrummy, exhausting age) and I'm not able to drive anymore (Meniere's disease) so I am stuck at home for 3 days. And to top it off, our house is on the market because we can't afford the repayments because DH got made redundant from his full time work (which is why he's having to do this casual work and can't take time out). So I have to keep the house really clean. It's only 8am in the morning and DD and I have already had about 6 meltdowns this morning. She's thrown things, hit me, yelled at me, screamed and I'm sooooooooooo close to completely losign the plot at her. ARHEEGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr All morning I've been trying to breath to calm myself down. Sh*t I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going to become one of those cases when people say 'oh, I feel bad I should've helped them - maybe I could have saved that family from such a bad disaster' but I feel like no one is listening and no one is helping me. I am completely isolated and BADLY need someone to take DD away from me so that I can sleep and rest my shattered nerves, but all I have is a loud, hitting, crying, yelling noisy child screaching at me all of the time. I am scared I am going to hurt someone... HELP ME??!!!
__________________ xx Pale Pink Aura
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DD (7) - conceived via IVF (FET) after 2 years of infertility treatment
DS (3) - conceived after 2 years of natural therapies
I am sorry you are alone and going through this. Do you have friends and family nearby that can help you? I would love to be there to help if i was closer.
__________________ Cathy 36
Lee 40
Married Feb 12, 1994
HSG Nov 2004
Brandon Aug 8, 2005
Thanks Cath. I have just rung my DH in a complete hysterics and told him he has to come home NOW. He is an hour away in a car with his boss, so he has to drive his boss home for the hour, then his boss has to drive the hour back to where they were to start working again. I feel really awful about it, but I think it was going to be that or... something scary that I don't even want to think about. Oh God, this is just awful. It always seems that I have to go the extremes before anyone will take any notice of me.
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DD (7) - conceived via IVF (FET) after 2 years of infertility treatment
DS (3) - conceived after 2 years of natural therapies
Hi Jenna's Mum,
Just read your post Sat nite, hope you got a break and some rest today after dh got back. I'm sorry you are going thru this on your own, that's gotta be hard. 6 meltdowns by 8am is a tough morning, let alone selling the house, health problems and a headcold etc. Pat yourself on the back for surviving so far!
I noticed you said you were "completely isolated". Maybe you could ask your local council if you have a home based family day carer living near you? There might be someone within walking distance who can offer care for just a couple of hours now and then. I respect its not everyones cup of tea, but most of the carers are inexpensive and well qualified. A short break might be of some help?
Let us know how you are doing, and wishing you heaps of hugs, and a better day tomorrow. I know we can't help physically but there's always someone here to listen.
Take care.
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I can appreciate how you are feeling. I have not been myself for the last month or so and more than once I have called up my DH at work and said "That's it I am leaving!" He is working overtime to try and keep me happy I feel for him alot of times.
What I am understanding from your post is that you are overwhelmed by illness and stress of having your house on market and your daughter may sense that.
Since the move, my damaged legament in my knee that prevents me from walking the possiblilty of a new blood clot in my leg and the never ending mess that goes along with moving plus getting used to a city where I have no friends and am always lost when I go out on my own...I am a blubbering wailing mess of emotions and I am not coping at all with anything. I bounced a cheque last week and I was getting ready to kill myself, minor thing I know but it's the icing on the cake of stresses and it makes me want to boil over.
Do you belong to a church? Is it possible to go to them and ask for help? Some churches have a daycare that will assist people who are in your situation. It's a thought.
Please know that I am praying for you. If you ever need to talk, please email me. You will get through this and we are all pulling for you. Keep us posted on how you are doing.
Love,
April
__________________ Me 35, DH 52. DSS 22, DD 15
150mg of Effexor
Hysterectomy on Jan 17, 2006
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Well I'm still here. Thank you all for your support. I tried to make an appointment on Saturday to see my GP, but she was booked out, so I will have to perservere until Monday. I'm having to try and take baby steps because I day seems too hard to be able to last until right now. My husband is home, sort of looking after DD. He's barely talking to me - he doesn't understand at all where I am right now, but I guess he is trying to. This morning I had to keep trying to remind myself why I don't want to kill myself. I'm having a lot of trouble seeing why I'd want to live right now, but I can see that it would be tragic for DD and DH, so that will keep me alive.
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DD (7) - conceived via IVF (FET) after 2 years of infertility treatment
DS (3) - conceived after 2 years of natural therapies
Just think about your dd and dh when you think about hurting yourself. Remember that sometimes men don't speak when they are unsure what to say. The fact that he is helping w/dd even just a little bit shows he is trying to help.
hugs
de
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Hang in there Debbie, baby steps are fine, hope today was a little better. Good luck at the GP on Monday. Thinking of you.
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I am feeling slightly better now - I'm numb, which is better than completely anxious and out of control.
Baby steps...
I'll let you know how my appt at the GP goes. We are taking along forms for a disability pension and carers pension because it is pretty obvious that I'm not able to look after myself and a two year old safely at the moment. If DH went to work it could well be disastrous right now.
You know, I knew that people have nervous breakdowns, but never thought it would happen to me.
Oh - here come the tears again...
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DD (7) - conceived via IVF (FET) after 2 years of infertility treatment
DS (3) - conceived after 2 years of natural therapies
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In a bad, bad place... 
((((HUGS)))) 
