Becoming Foster to Adopt Parents

Oomis · 03-27-2006, 06:08 AM

My husband have tried for quite awhile to get pg with no success. We looked into straight adoption but cannot afford it. After much prayer we are heading down the journy of doing foster to adopt. Have any of you done this and so can you share your story? What age group did you choose? As my dh once said, there are so many unloved children that need good parents to love them, and we have a home filled with love. We are very excited about it and attended a CPS info meeting last month. We are now researching agencies to represent us. I do not know anyone who has done foster to adopt so I am looking for adivce/support. Thank you!!!

Adoption Momma · 03-27-2006, 07:26 AM

Hi Amy,

My DH and I went thru training last May and finished our certification in September 05. In October, our two boys moved in and our adoption will be finalized April/May.

There are pros and cons to all types of adoption. For us the decision came when we were in the process of TTC and met four little girls (sisters) in foster care. We always wanted to adopt and realized our desire to be parents superceded our desire for pregnancy and a baby, KWIM?

The birth parents rights were already terminated when the boys moved in. However, in the case of the little girls we know, they've been in the system for 2-3 years and still no resolution for them. So, you may have to deal with kids getting torn between birth parents and their love/devotion to you, a system that has too many kids and not enough case workers and good foster homes, plus a dozen other things.

We were foster parents for about 5 months in 2003 - 4 teenagers. We were in our late 20's with no parenting experience. The only reason we agreed to the situation is b/c we knew the kids. Because of what we went thru with them, we realized at the age of 30, we shouldn't consider children older than 12. For us, we wanted to have enough age difference so the kid(s) would be able to look at us in a parental role and not a big brother/sister role (as was our previous experience).

We wanted a sibling group (which was to be initially 4; but that's a different story as they were split up). While I was willing to take on four children, I now can't imagine four at once. Both of our boys require so much attention, their progress would have been compromised had we also received custody of their 1.5 yr brother and 3 yr old sister.

We are working directly with DCS, however I highly recommend working with an agency. A friend of mine lives in a different part of the state I live in and they went thru an agency. She said it's been so wonderful not having to deal directly with DCS.

I would like to adopt again within the next year or so. By that point, we would be 32/33 and could conceivably parent 14-16 yr old.

Also, ethnicity isn't an issue for us, but we did preface that neither of us speak any 2nd languages so the child(ren) would have to be english speaking. I don't think it would be fair for the child if we brought them into our home and couldn't communicate with them (unlike someone seeking international adoption and has time to take classes).

One piece of advice: Make sure you protect the privacy of the children. People, even well intentioned ones, feel they are entitled to know "the story": "So, why are they in foster care?" or they will try and bait you if you don't tell them. "Yeah, well drugs is a problem", "I just can't believe people would abuse their children like that", etc. It really can get frustrating.

While their is much more to it, we say, "It was simply a neglect issue" and change the subject. Think about it. Even if drugs, abuse, etc are involved, the bottom line is the well-being of the child is being neglected.

The worst person to try to get info? MY MOM! She thinks she's entitled to know all the intimate details just b/c she's Grandma. Once our boys get older, there are details we will share with them. If they decide to tell what they find out to other people, it will be their decision. It's not our history/our story and not our place to share those intimate details with anyone other than our two sons.

Be prepared for insensitive comments. Here's a thread that goes into detail about it: http://soulcysters.net/showthread.php?t=161498

It was this time last year that we made the decision to stop Clomid and start discussing foster care again. Now, a year later, I have two blessings that I'm honored to call my sons.

HTH. *hugs*

Oomis · 03-27-2006, 05:15 PM

Tina thank you so much for your reply. I found it VERY helpful. You brought up an excellent point about keeping their story private. I know how nosey people are about our TTC journey, I can't imagine what they would do when we had a foster child.

Some friends of ours are doing foster/adopt and are waiting on their little girl. They also said it is easier to go through an agency so we are going to do that instead of dealing directly with CPS. We have narrowed it down to three agencies and we are having a hard time choosing because all three are great.

I am so excited to finally see that we may be parents soon. This TTC journey has been rough but I know it will be worth it when we get our son/daughter.

angelica411 · 09-26-2006, 06:02 AM

I know this response is a little late but I just wanted to add something. I am considering being a foster mom because I grew up in foster homes, and I think that the whole situation can be very very scary
(especially for the foster/adoptive parents) but being the kid at one time I know that there was absolutely no greater happiness than realizing that there was someone out there who would actually love me no matter what my hystory was. I think that doing it would be extremely hard, but more rewarding than anything you could possibly do. There is no greater sadness than feeling like you'll never be loved. Good Luck and my prayers are with you.

Bethann · 09-28-2006, 07:39 AM

Good luck to you on your journey, and thanks to those who shared.

DH and I aren't going to try to conceive, but when I'm doing with school and employed, we'd like to foster, possibly with opennes to adoption.

banana · 10-04-2006, 02:32 PM

I know that this is very late, but I have friends that fostered to adopt, she has lupus and they have one biological child that has a lot of physical problems. They started out with three african-american girls, all sisters, between the ages of 3 and 8, then they got white brother and sister set, ages 3 and newborn, (their birth mother was on drugs and is in the pen), they have since adopted all 5 and are one very big, very happy family.

My friend, the mom, last year was diagnosed with colorectal cancer, she underwent treatment and is now cancer free, thankfully.

They inspire me and encourage me to do the same. DH and I are looking into it, but haven't made any commitments, we're still scared, still asking questions though, and praying on it.

Hope all goes well with you!

JenJen78 · 10-06-2006, 02:05 PM

Hey Anna! I'm in AR too! We are in the process to become Foster/Adopt parents. We submitted our paperwork 2 weeks ago and are waiting for the clearances so we can start our PRIDE classes. I understand your fear. I was so scared of adopting through the state too until I found a group of people who have had great experiences with foster/adopt. (most of them anyway) The website is www.fosterparents.com

ladyd · 10-10-2006, 05:16 AM

I have been trying to concieve since I got married for 12 yrs now only ben to doctor for 2 rs no insurance till march i hope haven't been able to get insurance but anyways i am cinsidering adoption i want a young child about 1 year old don't have the money to go out of state so will probably in my state but i am very nervous,,,,and scared about adopting if its hard to get baby and if they will let us adopt we are a loveing couple,,but never been a parent so i get hesitated in going forward i am getting older and my home feels so lonely we have a lot love to give,,,,so you ecommend a agency like where would i find it i don't have money to spend on expensives,,,,,,,,so where shoul i start i did get a package from a place and one from the dps,, ijust get a little scare to startthe process i think will i be a good parent?? thanks

uote=Adoption Momma]Hi Amy,

My DH and I went thru training last May and finished our certification in September 05. In October, our two boys moved in and our adoption will be finalized April/May.

There are pros and cons to all types of adoption. For us the decision came when we were in the process of TTC and met four little girls (sisters) in foster care. We always wanted to adopt and realized our desire to be parents superceded our desire for pregnancy and a baby, KWIM?

The birth parents rights were already terminated when the boys moved in. However, in the case of the little girls we know, they've been in the system for 2-3 years and still no resolution for them. So, you may have to deal with kids getting torn between birth parents and their love/devotion to you, a system that has too many kids and not enough case workers and good foster homes, plus a dozen other things.

We were foster parents for about 5 months in 2003 - 4 teenagers. We were in our late 20's with no parenting experience. The only reason we agreed to the situation is b/c we knew the kids. Because of what we went thru with them, we realized at the age of 30, we shouldn't consider children older than 12. For us, we wanted to have enough age difference so the kid(s) would be able to look at us in a parental role and not a big brother/sister role (as was our previous experience).

We wanted a sibling group (which was to be initially 4; but that's a different story as they were split up). While I was willing to take on four children, I now can't imagine four at once. Both of our boys require so much attention, their progress would have been compromised had we also received custody of their 1.5 yr brother and 3 yr old sister.

We are working directly with DCS, however I highly recommend working with an agency. A friend of mine lives in a different part of the state I live in and they went thru an agency. She said it's been so wonderful not having to deal directly with DCS.

I would like to adopt again within the next year or so. By that point, we would be 32/33 and could conceivably parent 14-16 yr old.

Also, ethnicity isn't an issue for us, but we did preface that neither of us speak any 2nd languages so the child(ren) would have to be english speaking. I don't think it would be fair for the child if we brought them into our home and couldn't communicate with them (unlike someone seeking international adoption and has time to take classes).

One piece of advice: Make sure you protect the privacy of the children. People, even well intentioned ones, feel they are entitled to know "the story": "So, why are they in foster care?" or they will try and bait you if you don't tell them. "Yeah, well drugs is a problem", "I just can't believe people would abuse their children like that", etc. It really can get frustrating.

While their is much more to it, we say, "It was simply a neglect issue" and change the subject. Think about it. Even if drugs, abuse, etc are involved, the bottom line is the well-being of the child is being neglected.

The worst person to try to get info? MY MOM! She thinks she's entitled to know all the intimate details just b/c she's Grandma. Once our boys get older, there are details we will share with them. If they decide to tell what they find out to other people, it will be their decision. It's not our history/our story and not our place to share those intimate details with anyone other than our two sons.

Be prepared for insensitive comments. Here's a thread that goes into detail about it: http://soulcysters.net/showthread.php?t=161498

It was this time last year that we made the decision to stop Clomid and start discussing foster care again. Now, a year later, I have two blessings that I'm honored to call my sons.

HTH. *hugs*[/quote]

ladyd · 10-10-2006, 05:22 AM

i want to adopt or foster don't know but i am ready to be a mommy been ready,,,,ttc for 12 yrs going to doctor only about 2 no insurance is hard but want to have a child thinking of adoptiing a baby through dps ?,,,and like i am scared of going through the process, just wanted to wish good luck ,,,ladyd

Quote:

Originally Posted by JenJen78

Hey Anna! I'm in AR too! e are in the process to become Foster/Adopt parents. We submitted our paperwork 2 weeks ago and are waiting for the clearances so we can start our PRIDE classes. I understand your fear. I was so scared of adopting through the state too until I found a group of people who have had great experiences with foster/adopt. (most of them anyway) The website is www.fosterparents.com

JenJen78 · 10-10-2006, 02:09 PM

Thanks LadyD! Good luck to you too. I understand how scary adoption can be. We adopted our son from Guatemala and although it was a wonderful experience, I was SO scared when we first started. However do know that it's SO worth it. There are so many ladies here that can attest to that. :-) If you are looking for an inexpensive way to adopt, going through the state would probably best (at least from what I've seen). We are requesting a 4 year or younger child. If you are open to any race, that makes your chances of getting a young child greater.

Best wishes!