bi vs lesbian

silverhawk · 04-11-2008, 01:56 AM

friend of mine asked me if I was borderline "rainbowed" because I'm bi and not lesbian. What should I tell her?

btw she said I'm borderline everything but can't seem to explain that.

p.s. I don't mean to offend anyone, I just thought it was funny and wondered what y'all would say/think.

stellarnix · 04-11-2008, 07:15 PM

I'm bisexual and don't consider myself borderline anything. I am fully into both. Labels don't always fit well, like badly cut jeans. You settle for the closest pair, and continue to look for what is best for you.

newfiecyster · 04-12-2008, 01:46 AM

To me there no border line regardless if you are bi or lesbian. You are either rainbow or not

mkaz · 04-13-2008, 06:58 PM

I don't really believe in bi. I think most people who think they are bi are just experimenting or confused.
My opinion.

graceking · 04-13-2008, 11:08 PM

Silverhawk- I guess that depends on your friend's definition of 'rainbowed.' In my view, rainbowed refers to any sexual orientation other than heterosexuality and/or any non-traditional gender status - the 'color' and diversity of the sexual and gender worlds. So, in my opinion, to be bisexual is definitely to be 100% rainbowed, no 'borderline' involved. I do know some people, however, who consider rainbowed to include only those who are homosexual; if your friend is one of those people, then perhaps it would make sense for her to suggest that bisexuality is borderline rainbowed. Hope that helps!

Quote:

I don't really believe in bi. I think most people who think they are bi are just experimenting or confused.
My opinion.

mkaz- I completely respect your right to your own opinion, however I'd just like to share my own opinion as a bisexual woman in response to that. Yes, I'm actually bisexual, and I'm okay with that. It's a legitimate status- I'm attracted to both men and women, and I don't discriminate gender-wise as to where love comes from, I just accept it, enjoy it, and thrive on it. I'm not experimenting and I'm not confused. Deep down, I've known that I'm bisexual since I was little; I was simply born this way, and there's nothing more to it than that. I suppose one way to explain it is this- to me, saying bisexuality doesn't exist is like saying that yes, people who are blind are actually blind, and people who have 20/20 vision actually have perfect vision, but the people who are in between are just faking it or seeking out attention. The people who are in-between know that their vision is what it is, but its virtually impossible for them to let other people see through their eyes and know it as well, so the other people just have to trust the descriptions of those who are in-between and go with it. I hope that makes sense. Again, I mean no offense or disrespect towards your opinion, I just wanted to share my thoughts.

stellarnix · 04-14-2008, 09:18 AM

graceking- totally agree with both of your definitions. Awesome way to describe it.

graceking · 04-14-2008, 06:21 PM

stellarnix- thanks!

mkaz · 04-15-2008, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by graceking

mkaz- I completely respect your right to your own opinion, however I'd just like to share my own opinion as a bisexual woman in response to that. Yes, I'm actually bisexual, and I'm okay with that. It's a legitimate status- I'm attracted to both men and women, and I don't discriminate gender-wise as to where love comes from, I just accept it, enjoy it, and thrive on it. I'm not experimenting and I'm not confused. Deep down, I've known that I'm bisexual since I was little; I was simply born this way, and there's nothing more to it than that. I suppose one way to explain it is this- to me, saying bisexuality doesn't exist is like saying that yes, people who are blind are actually blind, and people who have 20/20 vision actually have perfect vision, but the people who are in between are just faking it or seeking out attention. The people who are in-between know that their vision is what it is, but its virtually impossible for them to let other people see through their eyes and know it as well, so the other people just have to trust the descriptions of those who are in-between and go with it. I hope that makes sense. Again, I mean no offense or disrespect towards your opinion, I just wanted to share my thoughts.

I would like to tell you how much I appreciate your intelligent, thought-out reply to this. I suppose in reality, I am more skeptical about people pronouncing themselves bisexual, than actually not believing it exists. I still stand in saying most people are either experimenting or confused, however. Perhaps not you.
What "bugs" me most though, are comments like: I'm married, but bi and sleep with women, and my husband is okay with it. Or just because some female has made-out with another female -- but pretty much is always with a guy -- she thinks she is bisexual. To me, the first is just sleazy, and the second is just b.s.
I have my own interesting background in that I was married for 7 years, and only with men, until I divorced a few years back. Without ever even considering a lesbian relationship (or another relationship), I found my now forever partner who is a woman. Where does that put me on the "scale" of things? I fell in love with the person she is, not her sex.
Am I a lesbian, bisexual, does it really matter?
Labeling can be a huge downfall. But now I think I'm taking the conversation elsewhere, so I will stop. Thank you for your thoughtful thoughts!

sagestory · 04-22-2008, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mkaz

I would like to tell you how much I appreciate your intelligent, thought-out reply to this. I suppose in reality, I am more skeptical about people pronouncing themselves bisexual, than actually not believing it exists. I still stand in saying most people are either experimenting or confused, however. Perhaps not you.
What "bugs" me most though, are comments like: I'm married, but bi and sleep with women, and my husband is okay with it. Or just because some female has made-out with another female -- but pretty much is always with a guy -- she thinks she is bisexual. To me, the first is just sleazy, and the second is just b.s.
I have my own interesting background in that I was married for 7 years, and only with men, until I divorced a few years back. Without ever even considering a lesbian relationship (or another relationship), I found my now forever partner who is a woman. Where does that put me on the "scale" of things? I fell in love with the person she is, not her sex.
Am I a lesbian, bisexual, does it really matter?
Labeling can be a huge downfall. But now I think I'm taking the conversation elsewhere, so I will stop. Thank you for your thoughtful thoughts!

I wasn't going to respond to this because I hate conflict and I certainly don't want to offend anyone, but I feel I must respond because otherwise it will bug me LOL

I don't really think it's fair to judge someone who is bisexual and married and whose husband allows her to sleep with women on the side. I really feel that sexuality is on a continuum... some people fall clearly at one end of the spectrum, some fall smack dab in the middle, and others fall somewhere else along that line. So the word "bisexual" may mean different things to different people. Even though you would not choose to marry a man and sleep with women on the side, that might be a perfectly workable situation for some couples. It doesn't make them sleazy... they are consenting adults who are choosing to get their needs met in a way that doesn't necessarily conform to society's expectations.

There are some people who consider themselves mostly hetero or mostly homo but who like to occasionally sleep with someone of the same or opposite gender... they sometimes refer to themselves as "bi curious" since they don't always feel attracted to people of both genders but they do sometimes like to experiment.

I really think labels are just that... labels... they're not the end all be all and we shouldn't be upset when we or others don't fully fit them. I also don't think it's fair to judge who can and who cannot use a particular label. If someone feels that they fit the label, they have every right to use it to describe themselves. I just don't think we should judge one another... most of us have experienced enough of that already without doing it to each other.

graceking · 04-23-2008, 10:39 AM

I completely agree with you sagestory, I wanted to say the same thing but since I've been in that kind of situation, I couldn't quite find a way to say it so tactfully and politely. Thanks for putting it so perfectly and posting it!

rainyangl · 04-23-2008, 02:09 PM

I wanted to get in on this conversation because I've always been bi but I am married and only with my husband. I've had people question if that was really bi because I'm never with women. I don't think that's true, we just don't have an open marriage. I want to be faithful to my husband. But if I weren't married I would be with a woman if the right one came my way. I am very attracted to women and have been with women previous to my marriage. I, also, don't feel confused or experimenting.

I loved when graceking said:

Quote:

I don't discriminate gender-wise as to where love comes from, I just accept it, enjoy it, and thrive on it.

So true, so true!

stellarnix · 04-23-2008, 04:05 PM

Here's my take on marriage and bisexuality. Marriage does not change who you are attracted to. You can still be attracted to someone besides spouse, and choose not to act on the attraction because you are married. If you are sexually attracted to both genders, then I would call you bisexual, whether you have sex with both or not. Being married to a man did not change the fact that I was attracted to certain women, it only changed that I did not follow thru with that attraction. And definitely not all people who marry choose monogamy.

I personally feel that if I am not sleeping with you, or with anyone you are sleeping with, then it is none of my concern. Have fun, call it what you want.

saiph · 05-15-2008, 06:37 PM

I agree with the people who said that sexuality is a continuum - there's the Kinsey Scale, obviously, and in college we used to discuss our "percentage" of gayness. Most of my friends who were "straight" admitted that they were not a zero (absolutely not ever attracted to someone of the same sex) and vice versa, although women were much more likely to put themselves towards the middle than men, whether because of a biological difference or because of societal pressure, I'm not sure.

I'm in kind of a weird situation because I'm bi, but for the last 10 years have only had relationships with women. I'm totally sexually attracted to both men and women, but seem to only form the kind of bond I need for a relationship with women (I'm not saying I couldn't have a relationship with a man, but it hasn't happened recently). You can imagine how difficult this is to explain to people, especially without getting vulgar, so I've always been accused of not really being bi. It never really bothered me, though, because I've never put much stock in labels. If I had to pick... a couple of years ago I heard the term "bisexual lesbian" and I think that's probably what best describes me. Or the other day my girlfried referred to me as an "opportunist" and that's pretty accurate, too.

jeljebouti · 06-14-2008, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stellarnix

I'm bisexual and don't consider myself borderline anything. I am fully into both. Labels don't always fit well, like badly cut jeans. You settle for the closest pair, and continue to look for what is best for you.

THANK YOU! I hate this whole stigma that everything must be named and labeled and analyzed to death based on that, and that you must fit into said label, blah blah blah. Agh!

What does it matter? To me it doesn't. I'll date who I damn well please, and by no means will I ever try to live up to a certain label just because people expect me to. I've seen gay people put down other people because they weren't "full gay." What the hell?

jeljebouti · 06-14-2008, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saiph

Or the other day my girlfried referred to me as an "opportunist" and that's pretty accurate, too.

Haha I like that term. Opportunist.