A Birth Mothers Story

Shejayd · 06-17-2007, 05:17 AM

Hello Ladies
I just wanted to share something with you that may reassure a lot of you that are waiting on Adoption.
I am in Canada, so to the non-canadian pre-parents I don't know if the same things apply. It is also on Open Adoption.

I had found out that I was pregnant in June 2001. I was 17 and a recent high school drop out. My boyfriend and I had just broken up and he had moved to Ontario with a couple of friends of his. I had a long few months, and in August, I had had a hemmorage in my placenta and freaked right out. I had decided right then and there, that this was to much of an emotional roller coaster for me, and I decided on open adoption. I had discussed it with my boyfriend, and he had agreed that this was probably the best option for both of us at the time.
In November, I had finally gone to the agency and discussed my options with a social worker there. She did a case study and a history form with me, and we were set. When I started looking into family studies, I was a little put off, because my social worker had recommended that I looked into families that lived out of the city. I finally picked to families. One that lived out of the city, and one that lived in the city (The Leafs).
I was quite nervous, and the first family i had picked, i was actually quite unsure of, and in my luck, they had decided not to adopt anymore because the mother had become pregnant. So, my choice was the Leafs. While reading their case study I had gotten a really weird feeling that they were the right ones. They were what seemed a perfect little family. They had been on the waiting list just a few months. They had a 6 year old daughter, and the mom, Lori, had had a lot of difficulty in getting pregnant. When I met them, at the begining of December, I had instantly fallen in love with them.
I gave birth on February 7, 2002, to a beautiful baby boy, and I decided not to call the family until almost 2 days later. When I did call, Lori was in edmonton, so she had to drive all the way back to Calgary in that night, and they got there at about 10pm. I was so amazed at how happy they were, that I knew I made the right decision.
It has been 5 years now. My relationship with the family is amazing. I have seen my son about 4 times since he was born, and we are always corrispond through phone calls and letters. I still feel very strong about my decision. I am glad that I did it and made another family complete.

I wish you all the best of luck in your journies, and that your wishes come true soon.

Thank you for reading.

SNurse1997 · 06-17-2007, 05:32 AM

Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad everything worked out so well for you all. Congrats on your pregnancy!

kirvygerl · 06-18-2007, 03:27 AM

Thank you for sharing your story. There's a very special place in my heart for birth moms. It takes a strong, courageous person to make such a decision.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I wish you the best~

alexander4372 · 06-18-2007, 03:20 PM

What a beautiful story. Thanks so much for sharing it with us all. Congrats on your pregnancy.

onelove24 · 06-18-2007, 04:06 PM

Thanks for sharing your story. Congrats on the pregnancy!

calches · 07-03-2007, 04:25 PM

Can I ask you a question?

Was your decision based on one of the facts that it the mom had had a hard time ttc?

I ask that b/c we are ttc, and, I know that ttc is going to be a long road for us, and I just don't want to do it. I want to be a mom more than ever, but I don't want the BM to think that I am a chicken or something for not going more in depth with the whole ttc thing?

Shejayd · 07-04-2007, 02:37 AM

calches
There were a lot of reasons that I chose adoption. And there are a lot of reasons I chose the family I did. When I was trying to make my desicion I studied the home study for a long time. There were a lot of indications that influenced my decision. One was that I knew Nick would be blonde and tall, and was looking for a family that had a lot of the same features as my family did. When I came across the file I had noticed that Gord (the dad) Looked a lot like my great uncle, and he was tall. His birthday was also the same day as mine, and Lori's birthday was a few days after mine. They had been married 8 years and had a 6 year old daughter. Basically what I was looking for (this is a bit cliche) was a family that was finacially stable, and were set in life (house, vehical, good jobs (engineer and nurse)) The money thing wasnt that big of an issue, but I did want him to have opertunities that I couldnt give him on my own, like a home, and a good job and sport or something like that (he actually plays soccer). when i had actually met the family I had a great impression, eventhough I knew how nervous they were. They were great people and had been through a lot.
I don't really think at the time that the difficulty in TTC that they had had an impact on me at the time, but i definatly do now, as I have been going through the same thing and have Lori to talk to about my experiences, which brings us closer as a "family". They are also very open the the open adoption. Nick knows who I am and occasionally calls me mom by mistake. All I really hoped for was that he was happy and healthy and in a good environment, seeing as that I hadnt even graduated and dropped out of highschool at that point.
You have to remember that a BM goes through a lot as well. They are just as nervous as you are, and are looking for that perfect family, which isnt always possible. It took me a long time to grieve over it, and be content with my decision. I have faith that everyone has a child out there whether naturally or through adoption. Personally I would not have given him up if i knew what the future had planned for me, but I don't regret it, and know that eventually, I may adopt a child of my own one day too.
I hope I answered your question as best i could, and if you do chose adoption, don't give up. I wish you the best of luck in your journey what ever you chose.

CherryPopTart · 07-07-2007, 12:21 AM

Sheena, thank you so much for sharing your story. My son's adoption is an open one and we have a wonderful relationship with his birthmother as well as the extended family. I have nothing but love and the utmost respect for her. There is a place in my heart that belongs to her and her alone. I cannot even put into words my gratitude at the miraculous gift that she gave to us. Sometimes I feel sad because we will not be allowed the opporunity to know our daugher's birthmother because she was born in Russia and her adoption is closed, as per Russian law. But I do feel so blessed to know at least one of our children's birthmothers.

Thank you for sharing your experience as a birthmother. You are loved and appreciated, not just by the parents of your child, but by those of us who have adopted.

Blessings to you,
Therese

purple1979 · 08-17-2007, 01:06 PM

Thank you for sharing your story!

Ange75 · 08-18-2007, 06:12 PM

Sheena - Thanks for sharing your story. I am a mother through open adoption and am so thankful to have a wonderful birthmother. I personally feel that no child can ever have too many people to love him/her and that my son is blessed with 2 families - an adoptive & a birthfamily and it sounds like your son is doublely blessed as well!! Best wishes with your pregnancy!!