A Bittersweet Mother's Day (long but good)

Angela18 · 05-08-2005, 05:38 AM

This letter was sent to me from my support group and I thought I'd share it with you ladies:

A Bittersweet Mother's Day by Sherokee Ilse

From an early age, Sarah and Jennifer had been inseperable friends with big plans and dreams of growing up together as pals, long-term friends and prosepective mothers. As five-year olds, they had pushed their doll carriages together, studied in grade school, giggled over boys in junior high, double-dated as teenagers, married and ultimately shared the joys and anxieties of pregnancy in their mid-twenties.
With their due dates only weeks apart, they could clearly picture their walks together in the park, pushing baby strollers, and their middle-of-the-night phone calls with crying newborns. They had pictured their husbands being best friends too, all four going to movies, skiing and raising thier children together. Little did they guess that with the births of their babies would also come a wedge that would threaten the depth of their friendship. Until that dreadful day in April, they believed that nothing could separate them or change thier plans.
Both couples had smooth and uneventful pregnancies. Ultrasounds within the same week and a joint baby shower given their families heightened thier joy and planning. They called each other often and even felt bellies for the frequent kicks and hiccups.
Then, the third week in April brought Jennifer and Mike to the depths of despair- to a valley so dark they thought they would never see light again. At their clinic appointment, during week thirty-nine, the pleasantly searched for the baby's heartbeat as usual. This time, it seemed to take an eternity, and she commented that the little Thumper must be either napping or hiding. Soon she stuttered that the maching must not be working and wheeled in another. The silence could be cut with a knife. For a few moments, which felt like an eternity, it seemed as though no one breathed. Then the nurse left in an anxious state and Jennifer's physician hastened in with the ultrasound maching. After what seemed hours, he confirmed their worst fears. "...no heartbeat. I'm sorry. The baby is gone."
"Gone? Gone! What does that mean? How can our baby be gone? Where would he go? He was here last week, yesterday kicking up a storm. What happened? Where could he have gone? Oh...dead. They mean dead! But it can't be. Babies don't die anymore. Not when we had done everything right: exercise, no smoking, such prepartation and plans! Not our baby. Oh, God, NO!!"
But thier little darling did die, and they named him John, "God's gracious gift." Against their better judgement at the time, they say and held him as the hospital staff suggested. Even Sarah and Jim saw him. They had family pictures taken and even secretly tried on a few favorite outfits before he was taken to the funeral home. They met and experienced thier little John, their beloved son,but all to soon had to say goodbye. For that short time with him, they would be forever grateful.
Two weeks later, Sarah and Jim delivered Andrew James. He was eight pounds, one ounce, healthy and very much alive. Sarah didn't know how to tell Jennifer, she felt so badly for her, yet she felt so good - so lucky. Why did her best friends baby die? What about all their plans for sharing motherhood? Now they were ruined. It wasn't fair. Now she was a mother and Jennifer wasn't. She felt so awful for Jennifer and didn't know if she should stay away or offer to let her hold Andy. Maybe they could share Andy sometimes, she thought.
Jennifer couldn't bring herself to visit Sarah in the hospital after Jim finally did call. She and Michael didn't want to see Andy, it was too painful, to heart wrenching. They stayed away and hardly talked to their best friends at all.
At first people seemed sympathetic and understanding- even Sarah and Jim. But after a few weeks, even they felt it wasn't right and couldn't help but feel resentful. After all, their baby was alive and they wanted their friends to share in the celebration. Besides, maybe it would help Jennifer and Michael feel better. It was time to move on, wasn't it?
The morning of Mother's day brought sunshine and new growth on the lilac bushes. Wisps of clouds and the crisp spring air were the perfect start to a special day for mothers and thier families. The two families each drove to church that Sunday morning, and the tension was obvious when they noticed each other in the parking lot. Things hadn't been the same since the babies were born.
With downcast eyes, they entered separate pews; Sarah and Jim tightly cuddling their little miracle baby, and Jennifer and Mike carrying only thier empty arms and heavy hearts. When Jennifer and Mike came to church today of all days, seemed somewhat a mystery. Yet deep down inside, Jennifer knew. She was searching for something she also deserved today: the confirmation of her motherhood, though her child was so obviously absent
As the service began, Sarah watched her friend with the renewed resolve that she would never stop trying to rekindle their friendship. It was too important to her and it hurt so much this way.
When the announcement was made to honor mothers, each one stood receiving a carnation along with a moment of appreciation. The tears streamed down Jennifer's cheeks. She received no flower, no appreciation. After all, she had no child. What is a mother without a child?
Yet in a moment of of silence, as all heads bowed, Mike slipped a blue carnation into her folded hands. He knew! He remembered! He believed! She was a mother, and he was a father. They were John's parents, and no one could take that away from them. Though the minister didn't include her and he spoke not a work later, she knew that someday she would approach him and explain that people like her whose children had dies (no matter what age) were parents, too. There were parents who needed special prayers and appreciation for surviving thier child's death, for loving and aching so much, and never letting go.
At the conclusion of the service, only Sarah seemed to notice Jennifer's angiush and her trembling lips. As she walked toward her friend with compassion in her eyes, she put her arms around Jennifer and whispered, "Have hope. You will be a mother someday." To that Jennifer replied, "I am a mother. Today and always, John lives, in our hearts. He is our son , and I AM his mother."
Then they held each other warmly, friend to friend, mother to mother.

kshahina · 05-08-2005, 05:54 AM

This made me cry. I really want to be a mother someday. Please let that day come soon God. Its really hard for people like me who are TTC for so long now but I'm sure its harder for people who concieve and then M/C or who loose their children to some bad fate. I pray to God to give them strength to cope up with such losses. And I pray to God that give me a baby a little later than expected but please don't take it away once its coming.

Please hear my prayers God. For my sake and all the wonderful ladies who are waiting to be moms or even those who already have children.

Ameen

tariana · 05-08-2005, 11:15 AM

Well, I'm hoping this is my last Mother's Day where I'm not a mother or at least a mother-to-be... I'll echo kshahina's prayers that all of our dreams may come true.

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 05-08-2005, 07:28 PM

Kshahina,
That was a beautiful prayer! Thank you for including us all.

Tariana, we ARE mothers. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But, I understand what you mean. I hope and pray that this time next year I'm holding my own little miracle in my arms instead of my heart.

God Bless us all
Happy Mother's Day

Gina

tariana · 05-08-2005, 10:51 PM

Well, I'm not a mother and haven't ever been pregnant (heck, we aren't even trying yet) but I am hoping that maybe I won't have the problems that so many cysters seem to have and that things will go well for me. I'm hoping to perhaps at least be pregnant by this time next year.

Hayles · 05-08-2005, 11:02 PM

Angela~ That was beautifull!!!! I cried I think thats what we all want on mothers day to be aknowledged that yes we are mothers yes we have babies that are always with us sure not in a stroller not in our arms or in sight but in our hearts always & that can never be taken away. Thanks for sharing & happy mothers day!

VivC · 05-09-2005, 01:36 AM

Happy Mother's Day, Angela!

The story was beautiful, and it rang so true for me. Both of my best friends delivered babies the week I found out I was pregnant with Rivi (it was so hard that they were both pregnant in the first place, since I'd been infertile for 8 years). My pregnancy only lasted another 4 1/2 months.

After Rivi died, it was so hard to see their babies. There are still times when I just CAN'T, so I don't. I'm so thankful to have an honest friendship with Susan, in which I can just say, "I can't today," and she suggests another plan, minus her baby. My other friend and I haven't been very close since Rivi died. When we see each other, we're polite, but that's all. I'm also very thankful to have all of you here, who understand most of all.

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 05-09-2005, 11:57 AM

I'm so sorry Tariana, I assumed you had a loss since you posted on a coping with pg loss board, and your signature mentions your daughter growing in your heart. I'm sorry. I wish you well TTC or adopting.

Gina