Wow while I was chatting it up with the President of my job, my dh was going through some of his pictures in his phone and I noticed one of a baby. I asked him who it was, and he looked at me like I had two heads. He asked me if I didn't recognize who it was. The picture was of my last son, Walter who was born still this past July. He was more plump and had a scratch on his left eye. The reason I didn't remember his was because I had to have an emergency c-section and was really groggy. I didn't...

alwayzrn

I have to say it was pretty darn good! My bff told me that I sound alot better since I have been working. She said that I am a career woman and just needs to work. I believe this is so true!! I do like my job alot, just waiting for me to get the hang of it all. I actually looked at my dh today and didn't want to kill him! That is definitely progress!

But dh and I went to see FireProof at the movies Sunday and I think it opened our eyes to alot of things going on in our marriage. Things...

alwayzrn

I heard this song today, it is such a beautiful song! It makes me think about how I think I used to be happy, but where did it go? Where is my happiness? Did I lose it with each loss of my son's, or did I lose it piece by piece walking somewhere down the streets of life? I so wish I could find it because I feel so broken and unable to be happy!

I think about the lyric that "I hope you give faith a fighting chance, and when you have the choice to sit it out or dance." What...

alwayzrn

Wow, what am I to do? I have been wondering what I wanted to do with myself, as far as my fertility. I miss being pregnant...every now and then I have this feeling in my uterus like my baby is still there. Its really weird. But I am on bcps now and it takes everything in my power not to stop taking them. I know I would be pg really quick but I just couldn't stand the pain of losing another child. But where does this fear leave me? Correct...Childless!

alwayzrn

Well I will be basically starting both today...I haven't taken a birth control pill in over 6 years and it is really bitter sweet to have to start up again. But I refuse to get pregnant again a month of my last child's birth/death. But I am excited about our marriage counseling...boy do I have some things to get off my chest! I hope I'm not too mean to dh...oh wait these are things that he needs to hear!!!

Its time to stop biting my tongue!

alwayzrn