Jealous and Hating It
Posted 07-25-2008 at 10:52 PM by DMM1024
Two of my close friends are pregnant. And I can't stop crying. I am so depressed. I am not even trying to conceive and I am jealous of those who so easily are making babies. I have no idea what the whole TTC world will be like for me.
Not to mention I am crying because I miss my grandfather who passed away. Grandma sent me a birthday card and for the first time it does not have his name on it. I lost it and haven't really been right since. And now I find that someone else in my life is pregnant. I would be happy with sharing the news that I am engaged, but I don't even know when that will be possible. He has been talking about it for 2 years, has the ring, and has yet to ask me. But then again, with the way I have been an emotional wreck recently, why should he be in a hurry to ask me.
I need help. I don't know how to get it. Am I really depressed, or is it just a symptom of PCOS? Or maybe I am about to have my period that decides to visit every once in a while. I don't know what I need. But I doubt anyone reads my blogs and I am too afraid to post on a link and really ask for advice. I just don't know what to do. I could talk to my aunt, but I always cry to her. I could talk to my best friend, but I don't want to always cry to her either. And my poor BF is already on the verge of thinking I am crazy, so I can't really talk to him.
Someone please just set up the appointment, take me to the office, sit in there and then tell that doctor everything that I leave out. I am no good at this. I need someone to hold my hand. I am so good at being strong for others, but when it comes to myself, I pretty much suck.
Not to mention I am crying because I miss my grandfather who passed away. Grandma sent me a birthday card and for the first time it does not have his name on it. I lost it and haven't really been right since. And now I find that someone else in my life is pregnant. I would be happy with sharing the news that I am engaged, but I don't even know when that will be possible. He has been talking about it for 2 years, has the ring, and has yet to ask me. But then again, with the way I have been an emotional wreck recently, why should he be in a hurry to ask me.
I need help. I don't know how to get it. Am I really depressed, or is it just a symptom of PCOS? Or maybe I am about to have my period that decides to visit every once in a while. I don't know what I need. But I doubt anyone reads my blogs and I am too afraid to post on a link and really ask for advice. I just don't know what to do. I could talk to my aunt, but I always cry to her. I could talk to my best friend, but I don't want to always cry to her either. And my poor BF is already on the verge of thinking I am crazy, so I can't really talk to him.
Someone please just set up the appointment, take me to the office, sit in there and then tell that doctor everything that I leave out. I am no good at this. I need someone to hold my hand. I am so good at being strong for others, but when it comes to myself, I pretty much suck.
Total Comments 5
Comments
 |  Well, if you have already been crying to your aunt no need to stop now, that's what fam is for. I hope ur able to reach out to someone. Good luck |
Posted 07-26-2008 at 02:20 PM by Patah83  |
| |  awww i know exactly how you feel  sometimes life is just too much for me, too you can complain to me anytime you want, cuz i'm also good at being strong for others and not myself i just got diagnosed about 3 months ago. at least you still have your man...my bf of almost 4 years just broke up with me...*sigh* and my best friend just died of cancer at age 20 a few months ago. i pretty much just can't stand it anymore...haha you can vent to me anytime my addy is indigo_annie18@hotmail.com |
| Posted 07-28-2008 at 03:12 AM by dutchess1987 |
| |  Wow, I can REALLY relate! Sometimes life feels like a cinder block on your chest. I know, boy do I know! Three years ago, my mother had three strokes, my father's Type I diabetes escalated and my brother estranged himself from the family. I was admitted to the hospital with life-threatening respiratory problems for four days on a ventilator. On top of that, my wonderful, wonderful boyfriend of a year and a half expressed his undying love for me and in the same breath told me he was dying. He looked into my eyes and told me that I was "the one" he wanted to spend the rest of his life with as his wife. But due to the circumstances he told me he couldn't bear to allow me to see him suffer and he chose to distance himself from me. I never thought I could love someone so much, but my heart bleeds everyday. I stay sick and I cry all the time - even when I am at work working. I was diagnosed with PCOS today and I am not sure whether to rejoice or cry some more. However, my cousin sent me a letter with excellent advice. He told me that as much as we may want to lay motionless and wallow in the battles of life, we need to stay focused and keep things moving. He said you may get the wind knocked out of you sometimes, but catch your breath and rejoin that battle. |
| Posted 07-28-2008 at 11:08 PM by RLGould27 |
| |  Thank you for all of your support. I don't know what to say, except wow. There are so many people out there with so many other problems. We all have our crosses to bear and I don't know how I could handle it without being able to express myself in writing - whether someone reads it or not. One thing I have always tried to remember is that God never gives us more than we can handle. Its just that sometimes I think he gives me way more credit than I deserve. How can things seems so hard and so frustrating and just so empty so often? I know they can't really be like that for real. So why do bad things happen to good people? And is this PCOS and all the problems it brings, is it a blessing or a curse? I just know it helps to ramble things out. And I don't have to worry about making sense because someone else out there understands me - even if I don't! |
| Posted 08-02-2008 at 11:35 PM by DMM1024 |
| | Don't Give Up.............don't Give Up.............. |
| Posted 08-06-2009 at 12:28 PM by YADIRA |
Recent Blog Entries by DMM1024
- Jealous and Hating It (07-25-2008)
- For Later... (07-23-2008)
- Crummy crampies (07-23-2008)
- Emotional insanity (07-19-2008)
