Learning To Live

I was recently diagnosed with PCOS. Finally, after years of not knowing what was wrong with me, and encountering doctors that don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. Thanks goodness for excessive bleeding!!!

Blood work is normal, though they said they didn't like my hormone levels. (I should have asked for a copy of my blood work, but wasn't in my right frame of mind--i was smiling so hard, internally, because there was finally a name for what was wrong with me!)

I have been doing research, till my eyes feel like they are going to bleed. I am trying my best to inform those around me, about the severity of PCOS. All they keep hearing is "Hormone Problem" they don't understand the potential risks to my health... And Arguing with them is getting old. "Don't worry about what the doctor's say. Just let God handle it" If "God" was meant to "handle" it, I wouldn't be equipped with the tools to help me treat this. Ignoring it will not make it go away, or help me have kids. That's another thing. They seem to think that this is JUST about having kids! Needless to say, I have been pulling my hair out.

I have good feelings now. I have the strength of my inner Goddess, the path of my faith, and a loving and supportive family system. My Fiancé just told me that he doesn't want kids right away. Part of me is happy that he has said that, simply because I don't know when I will be able to conceive. I think that he really said it, so that i wouldn't feel as bad. At the same time, tho.... i can't help but let my insecurities red flag that. I asked him if he still wants me, because I am broken. (The more and more i talk about it, the more and more he seems to understand PCOS). He laughed at me an said that he loves me more than his want to have kids. At 25, its still too soon for him. I explained to him that I don't want to be an old mom. I want to still be able to run around and chase my kids...

I think that the more we talk about it, the more we both can come to understand what's going on in our hearts.

Once I accepted that this is what i have, its a part of me. It doesn't define who I am, but it is part of who I am. It explains everything that i thought was wrong with me. And I am happy that I finally have name for what's going on. Now that I know, I am taking steps to help fixing the problem. I have also started topics in the other forums that I am apart of. Letting complete strangers into my life. Several women have actually contacted me telling me their PCOS stories. (Or similar issues that they have). I feel like something of an advocate. As many SoulCysters as there are, it seems like not a lot of women know what it is that they have. Like, health care isn't what it is here, and all they get is "you aren't having babies, because your ovaries looks like grapes".

I hope that through my emotional pain, and my physical triumphs, I can help others gain the knowledge that they need to ask the right questions to get a definite diagnosis.
More updates will come as more time passes.

I have also started a blog of all the info that I gather, so that its all in one place. this site is like a god send.

Blessed Be SoulCysters, Blessed Be.