hi all, i have been off line for more than a year. i have been stuck with the most difficult emotional etcetera.... unexplainable emotion possible. i know what i am thinking about is absolutely wrong, but i can not find myself thinking straight. people might find my posting strange and attention seeking, but it is anything but.
i have come to a cross road. i have this obsession of having my own child. my husband has been married before and have (dare i say.........) the most horrid two grown children. ok, then there is a 17 yrs diff. he has had the FIX. he says he did the baby thing and lived for them and now he feels it is his time to live.
AGONY.
WHAT ABOUT ME???????????????????????????
he blatantly refuses to get me any medical assistance to be able to bear even 1 child. i am broken. i love him dearly, but i am 33 going on. i have talked to him but to no avail.
if he dies before me,(do not judge, i am just using worst case scenario)
i will be toooooooooooooooooooooooo old to bear children.
i feel a daily struggle, i am so tired of fighting to justify my needs. i have been thinking of giving up all hope. i need help. but........... how do you convert the un-able-to-be-converted? i love him, but. i am a wreck. i have no support from family or friends, (no friends, cause i am fat and shy away from hurtfullllll glares.)
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I am so sorry! I don't have advice for you but wanted to give you a huge hug. DH is not always on the same page as my regarding kids either. I think you have to decide what is most important to you in life and make decisions from there.
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12-5-07 Andrew
ttc #2 since 1/09
11/9/09 - 1st Clomid/injectable IUI
I'm sorry you have to go through that. A very good friend of mine who does not have PCOS is married to a man that has 4 children from previous marriages. He's only in contact with one of them, and she's 14. My friend is 26 and wants her own children so badly, but her hubby had himself "fixed" after the last child with his 4th ex wife. My friend is so distraught that he wants no more children, but loves him too much to leave him. It's an awful position to be in.
She's decided that if he refuses to have children with her, she'd be willing to do artificial insemination, but if he refuses to raise a child with her, she's just going to have to leave him. You have to decide what is more important to you. I know that's easier said than done, but you never know what the future holds. I wish you luck.
__________________ Christine (32) & Jeff (36) TTC 5 years, married 4 years, together 6 WLS 10/2007 ~ 103 lbs lost 200 mg spironolactone daily 2.5 - 7.5 mg Femara 3/2009 ~ current, finally O'ing 80mg Soy Isoflavones 10/2009 ~ O, but BFN, back on Femara in November HSG ~ 11/9/2009 ~ all clear IUI ~11/22/2009 ~ 2ww...
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Sorry you are in this position. I know making huge, life changing decisions are never easy but it sounds like you have to decide which is more important - your love of you DH and your relationship with him or your desire to have children. I would guess based on your email changing his mind is not an option so you have to do what is best for yourself. Did you have the kids discussion before marriage? Just curious if one of you changed your mind...
blue is not the word.... 
