BM great, then no contact - then GONE!.... uuuugggghhhhh! - long

tke100 · 10-29-2003, 10:55 PM

Hello,

Well I do not often post, mostly lurk, but the past few weeks have been incredible! (And not really in a great way, either)

A little backround, . . . On 09/15 we got a match with a BM due on 10/24. Everything seemed to be going on track. I spoke to the BM on the phone for almost 2 hours and the talk was great. She seemed very committed to her adoption plan and seemed to have a great head on her shoulders. After this talk we did not have contact again. We were supposed to meet and talk again (multiple times) and she was not very reliable. Our attorney said that it was not uncommon - that a lot of BM are not very reliable. Then I was supposed to take her to the Dr. on 10/17 but she cancelled and rescheduled for Tuesday 10/21.

This is where it got really wierd - that Tuesday I tried to get in touch with her for the appointment and could not. (We bought her a pre-paid cell phone, which she only returned calls to us on ONCE) The Dr. let our attorney know that she missed her appointment. Then about an hour later the Dr. called again to let the attorney know that he just had a request for her medical records from another Dr.! From what we found out she scheduled a new appointment with a new Dr. and scheduled a c-section on 10/23. The attorney spoke to her that Tuesday night (at the request of her new Dr.) and she said the BF told her to change doctors and to keep the baby! She explained she knew the right thing was to place the baby (she had been saying this from the get-go) but she was on the fence, and very torn. The BF is in prison and the attorney went to see him and of course he said the BM was really confused and whatever she decided he would support - but that the adoption was STILL a very real possibility.

So from what we know the BM had a c section on Thursday the 23rd and no one has heard from her since!

DH and I were SO happy and excited, we had the nursery ready and our friends threw us a small shower. We were just waiting for her to give birth. Then all this craziness happened, so she dissappeared from the case, we are out thousands and still pretty much nothing!

So of course the last week has been a complete blow out. Lots of tears and anger - and LOTS of questions (ALL un-answered). But now we are ready to move on. We spoke to our attorney and she closed out this case and we are moving forward. We just know in our hearts that when it is meant to be it wil be.

The scary part is, that the BM had no money, no where to go and the BF is in jail for 25 years! She said that her family would not take her in as they have her other 2 kids (whom she could not parent) and could not take on another. So the really sad part is - where did she go with this baby, and what kind of life will he have? Sad, but g-d must have a plan for all of us.

So, the reason we wanted to share our story, is to hear if any of you have had similar situations. Any as strange as this one? (Even our attorney in her over 25 years experience said THIS ONE was the strangest so far!)

Thanks for letting me vent!

skiboo · 10-29-2003, 11:05 PM

I am sorry to hear about your story and the unhappy ending to your adoption... but I am glad to see that you have not given up on the dream of adoption and that you are still able to trust that it will happen.

Keep the faith and soon you will be a Mommy... please keep us updated on what happens.

((((hugs)))))

ScrapbookChick · 10-30-2003, 12:22 PM

I'm also very sorry for your pain and loss. Sending hugs and prayers your way. Skiboo is right, keep the faith. It WILL happen for you.

cbeldner · 10-30-2003, 01:34 PM

What a rollercoaster!!! ((Hugs))

If this child is meant to be with you it will happen. The BM will come to her senses and she will make the right decision. All BM's have to deal with this in their own way. I would think that after having 2 other children she may really be starting to look at her life. Who know's!!!

I just hate that you have suffer while she tries to figure out her life.

Keep us posted please!!

Give a hug to your husband too from all of us.

tke100 · 10-30-2003, 01:56 PM

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and support. It has been a rough week but we are determined to continue with our plight to adopt.

All things happen for a reason and maybe the right match is right around the corner.

It is so hard to think of what she may or may not have been thinking in all this but what is meant to be will be.

Thanks again

MicKen · 11-02-2003, 05:09 PM

I am so sorry, I don't know what else to say.

I just wish there were some way to get your money back from the birth mom...not that that would make it better, just easier for you in the future.

I think there should be more rights for aoptive parents out there. It seems (at least with domestic adoption), it is all about the birthmother. Not much to do about that, I guess.

I just wish they would make it so a birthmom has to sign away rights and make it legal BEFORE the child is born. That way maybe emotions disregarding what is ultimately best for the child won't have as much of an effect on the child's future. AND...I wish lawyers could make it so the birth mother is accountable for the money she receives if she indeed decides not to adopt her child out. I don't think she should be able to make this decision on a "whim".

Grrrr...I feel for you. It is not right. But you are doing what is best by moving on. I am so sorry.

~Lisa~ · 11-03-2003, 07:13 PM

I'm in shock, I know it's always a chance it can happen, but I guess it's just shocking to sit and read this happened to someone. Bless your heart. I wish I could just give you a big hug. I can't imagine how you feel.
I don't know what to say but I am thinking of you and I will say a prayer for you and your family.
Take care hun! ((HUGS))

~Lisa~

tke100 · 11-10-2003, 01:40 AM

Hi Again,

Thanks for your support, you always know going into this that there is a risk of failure, but never think it will happen to you.

We are doing well and everyone around is working hard to find us a match. The right baby will come along and he/she will be right for us.

I will keep you posted....

Thanks again

curlygrrl · 11-18-2003, 03:08 PM

Gosh, I'm so sorry that happened to you, what a disappointment!! Hope things work out for the best for your family!

Tamara

tke100 · 11-18-2003, 07:39 PM

Thanks again for all your support, read our update below, things turned out great!

wow first it all fell apart and now our son is home! long