I don't really feel like talking, but I guess I should quickly get it out.
Daniel Benjamin Hearn was buried today. He was born and died on October 4th, and buried today, October 6th. He was born at 20.5 weeks gestation, and was alive for a few hours after birth, despite never being able to breath (he moved for a few minutes, then just had a faint heartbeat for a few hours).
I'm not sure what I will do now. I wonder when I'll be able to go a day without crying. I wonder when I'll have the desire to eat again, or live. I just want to curl up in a ball and never get up. Basically, that is what I'm doing. Staying in bed or on the couch, and not doing anything other than cry.
I still wonder why this happened, why me? Anytime something good happens, the worst has to happen to take it away. This was no exception. Why me? Why us? I was going to finally be a mommy. After 5 years of TTC, I finally got pregnant. I wanted a boy, and that is what I was having. I finally had something good, I was going to have the family I wanted so bad. Then it was all taken away from me.
I don't want to talk anymore.
Sorry if anyone responds to this and I don't.
I just needed to get things out real quick.
Do something other than cry for a minute.
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Daniel Benjamin born/died October 4, 2004. Ari Lev born/died May 21, 2005.
__________________ Angeltears
PCOS
Age 45
No longer TTC--I'm Too Old Now (We gave up the fight)
Still taking Glucophage
One Fur Baby--Bridget--our blind cocker spaniel
I'm so sorry {{{{HUGS}}}} I've only had early losses, I couldn't even begin to imagine what you're going through w/ a late loss...
Traci
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Married 6 years (1/16/03) to my wonderful husband! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
1 DD (B: 9/06; A: 8/07) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
2 fur kitties- 9 angels (Single Loss 05/03; Quad Loss 09/03-D&C; Twin Loss 02/04; Twin Loss 2004. All RPL testing "normal" No cause found ('05 & '09)
New Gonal-F cycle started 9/5/09- Cancelled 9/14/09 due to too many follies all growing the same (all under 10mm still) Started Soy 120mg CD12-16!
RE said IVF next To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ....starting IVF Feb/March 2010
Oh Renee, I wish I could do or say something to take away the pain. I know how awful it is. I wish I could be there to give you a shoulder to cry on. I'm here though if and when you do want to talk.
Aviva
__________________ Erica -38, To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. DH Sandy-38
Dx PCOS/IR since I was 18, on 2000mg metformin XR.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. and missing Isaac Doran born too soon 2/2/04,
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. and holding Japhet Asher, my Chili Pepper, born happy and healthy 1/31/05,
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Renee,
We will always love our babies. It does get easier over time, but you should just let it all out when it comes. We all care, believe me, so I'm glad you let us know. Please keep in touch, Sweetie.
((Hugs))
Your Buddy,
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through - my thoughts and prayers are with you and hope your pain and grief will heal with time. Daniel Benjamin will forever be with you and I hope his spirit gives you strength to see you through these intolerable days and nights.
Sending ((((hugs)))) and healing wishes.
Renee...as i read your words...i remembered...i had flashbacks even...and my heart goes out to you and your hubby. i can say i do know how you feel, unfortunately. Its been 8 months since i lost my babies at 20 weeks...and my emotions have gone through the ringer...but if i ever had anything to be thankful for...it was coming to a time where i could find myself greatful for the little time we had together, and to accept that in some way my babies were at peace. Its too soon for you, you need this time to grieve, but if you ever need to talk, or vent or cry or just have someone listen...pm me anytime.
Big hugs to you...
__________________ Kim 40 PCOS/IR/IC/PIH/PTL
DS6yrs-preemie-30w)Twins-Met,Prometrium, Puregon Injectibles DS3YRS
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TTC#4 w/Injectibles-IVF conversion/CERCLAGE/6.2mo bedrest/emerg c-sec at 38wks
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Buried my son today 
I cannot imagin with you are going through. (((hugs))) my thoughts are with you.
