Calling all Christian TTC'ers. Needing Prayers.

tanyasparks154 · 04-02-2005, 01:08 AM

Hey girls,

I'm desparately in need of prayers for discouragement and bitterness. I'm getting so bitter because I can not understand why I can't have a baby and there are 13yr olds that have no problem concieving. I know that we are not supposed to ask God why but I'm starting to think that he hates me. The worst things happen to me. I feel like I'm getting picked on. I want a baby so much. Have you ever had that feeling that something isn't going to happen that you want to and then it doesn't??? I have this feeling about getting pg. I'm afraid that my body and my soul will never feel filled with the joy of a child. I'm so afraid. Then, the fear turns to anger. Then to bitterness. I'm feel so numb and angry. I just need prayers so badly. Please. Pray for me and I'll do the same for all of you.

Love, prayers, and babydust.

Tanya

Angela18 · 04-02-2005, 05:15 AM

Tanya ~ Sorry for your frustrations. I know it's hard to not question God's reasoning and see the greater picture. If we could see the end and look back and say, Oh yeah, that's why He did things that way, I think it would be so much easier. But I guess there's that little thing called faith. Big cyber hugs to you and I will keep you in my prayers. Here's a link to a poem that I keep bookmarked and read when I am feeling frustrated.

http://www.waymarks.com/wmnplc/wait.html

tanyasparks154 · 04-02-2005, 01:00 PM

Thankyou for that angela. I appreciate that. I have book marked it to remind me to wait. It is just so hard. I'm crying and screaming in my heart all the time. I just gets so frustrating.

Tanya

HISIRISHGEM · 04-02-2005, 02:38 PM

Who says you can't ask God why?? Look in the book of Psalms and see how many are based on sadness, depression, and fear. Reading through those shows us we're not the only ones.....and also that theres no dispair in the end but true Joy in Gods answers in His own timing!

Look at what Job went through. Lost ALL his family, friends, his health EVERYTHING because Satan was testing his faith in God. In the end, because he was truely faithful, God Blessed him.

What about all the other people in the Bible who asked God "Why is this happening to me?" God I need you, yet your feel so far away!!

Girlfriend. Tell God how you feel!! Hollar to Him. Ask Him to show you He loves You.

Another thing....I too am going through fertility issues. DH and I have decided upon adoption because I can't take it anymore. The drugs make me "Crazy", depressed, fat, and give me RAGE. With all the money we're spending on conception NOT to be guaranteed a baby, there are millions who already are born and need loving homes.

I look at things this way....those 14 year olds aren't the greatest parents but some have other issues to learn...som turn out to be great, loving parent, and others I believe are used by God to give those like us with fertility issues the chance to have a baby. There are options sweetheart! Don't give up. We all want conception, continue to lean on God, but also be open when he shows you a new door too!

Heavenly Father, I pray today for this couple and every couple going through fertility issues. Oh Father, you know about the sadness we feel. So many women in the Bible went through fertility issues. Those who were faithful conceieved. I look at Rebekah in the Bible who had fertility issues and later you blessed her with twins. Looking at what would happen with those twins after she got them seem so sad, but you still blessed her with two babies and thats your Holy Power! Lord Jesus, I pray that you would give peace to these couples heart. That they would take the "desperate need" to conceive and turn it over to you. Father, show them that you love them! I won't ask to show them by giving them babies...because you have a plan for all of us. But open doors that no man can close , and close doors, no man can open. Show us your love, show us you know the desires of our heart Father. Most importantly calm the hearts of those who need it Lord. Give them patience, fill them with joy and Bless them abundantly Lord for their faithfulness. I love you father and I know that you are worthy of all our praises, that you are mighty in every way and that you are oh so powerful. Build these couples faith in you through you Jesus. Give them all strength to make it through this valley. Help us all not to keep our own timing and plans, but to give them to You as our desires and allow YOU to work in our lives and our childrens lives. I claim Victory over all our lives in Jesus Mighty name. AMen!

ssfergy · 04-02-2005, 09:16 PM

I am praying for you. I know how you feel. I spent half the day at a baby shower from my church. It hurts, but I know God knows how I feel.

He will not leave your heart empty. He will fill the hole in your heart b/c He put it there in the first place.

PM me anytime!

Sam

Miss-Meme · 04-03-2005, 02:15 PM

Tanya, I know how you feel. I ask the same things over and over.

I'll pray for you.

Baby Dust!

Chay · 04-04-2005, 09:38 PM

Tanya, I know exactly how you feel. I ask those questions every day too, but we must keep the faith and wait on God. I had an ectopic in 2003, then found out my other tube is blocked and dr's have only recommended Invitro to me which I don't feel i need to do. On top of all that I have PCOS which has my hormones all screwed up!!! I get very depressed and I just have to pray to make myself get out of bed every day. I know it's very hard, but when God is ready he will fulfill the desires of our hearts

I know you hear things like that alot, but it's very true and i'll keep you in my prayers. Feel free to "e" me anytime

stillhavehope · 04-05-2005, 04:03 PM

Tanya ~
I have felt that way many times. I just keep praying and some days are better than others. There is nothing bigger than our God's Holy Power. Our timing doesn't always line up with His perfect timing unfortunately. I will keep you in my prayers.

Blessings,
Sherry

his_angel · 05-18-2005, 04:04 PM

Dear Cyster, I know how frustrating & devistating it may feel. I also know that words like 'hang in there,' 'just keep praying,' 'there's always adoption,' etc... seem to hurt more than help at times. Although my OB/Gyn "technically" diagnosed me w/ PCOS w/in the past year, I've been dealing w/ it since Aug of 1995 - which was 3 months after I got married to my current husband. I was married once before because I got pregnant w/ my son - now 13. When I remarried, I had no idea that I'd be going through all of this. Believe me, I've been round & round w/ the depression game & I know it's not fun! Yes, faith plays a very important role in our lives - this coming from a preacher's wife. The thing that I'm holding onto is this... several years ago (w/in the past 6) when praying, God let me know that He WILL bless us w/ children - He didn't say when or how many - but that He WILL. I KNOW that God keeps His promises - He says so in His Word. I've been through SEVERAL false pregnancies - getting my hopes up only to find out it was false. I've recently started seeing a reproductive doctor. Things may not be moving as fast as I want them to, especially since my husband has been having "issues" as well & has had to see a specialist, too. However, this doctor put me on some medication (2 differents types which made me very sick & then a 3rd one) to help me ovulate, etc. Although I am still waiting to see her for an upcoming appt, towards the end of March this may have been successful. I have been going through some strong symptoms, but I've received 2 negative hpt tests & 2 negative blood tests. I will keep you in prayer. Please do the same for me. God bless.

amym · 05-20-2005, 01:55 PM

Tanya - when I read your post it reminded me of myself just weeks ago. I asked God so many times "why me Lord"..."why can't I be a parent?". Just in the past week God has opened a huge door for us regarding our infertility. I am going through the screening to see if I qualify for a study. I don't know what the outcome of this will be but I am starting to see why God gave me PCOS. I have talked with cysters on this board and one actually said reading my story made her faith in God be restored. When I read that post, I honestly felt that if dealing with PCOS and sharing my story restored the faith in one person then it became worth it. Trust me, I have not always felt that way. My heart has been greedy regarding a child. When I saw pregnant women or heard someone say "I'm pregnant" I hated them, and then I started to hate myself for thinking that way. Try to give the burden to God and let him carry your load for you. I posted a thread on the faith board about a month ago asking if it was wrong for me to question God and to be mad. For the first time in a long time I feel at peace after reading everyones responses. I realized I was not alone. I thought only a baby would bring me that peace but I found out that it was God, not a baby that I needed. I am praying for a miracle baby. Only God knows if I will receive that blessing or not but I am going to keep my faith and continue to use this condition as a witness to others. I have never been a big witness to people and I have found this site to be an excellent way to do that because I am walking down the same path. I hope this thread will keep growing. I have found out that there are people praying for me and I have not even realized it. I believe prayer changes things so lets all pray for each other and be there to lift one another up.

tariana · 05-20-2005, 03:17 PM

First of all, I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm sure I really have no idea what you're feeling because we haven't even started TTC yet, but I did want to say I'm sorry.

I see you have been TTC for 5 years. Have you considered adoption at all in that time, or are you set on having children of your biological "own"? DH and I plan to adopt, regardless of what happens with TTC and I wanted to ask if it would be an option for you.

winnie0366 · 05-20-2005, 03:37 PM

Angela- Thank you for sharing the link to that poignant poem...

Becky- Thank you for your heartflet prayer. I was moved to tears. It really touched my soul...

Tanya- I pray that the Lord gives you a peace that passes all understanding...

lesntex · 05-20-2005, 05:03 PM

Hi Tanya, I completely understand what you are going through. I am 27--been married almost 8 years and no BABY! We haven't taken anything(fertility wise) through the years because I keep telling myself that Jesus is the almighty physician and if He wants me to have a child it will just happen naturally. So here we are--desperately wanting a child and me feeling like a failure!! I know that I will probably have to go on some fertiltity pill and if that does not work --then I will just have faith that the Lord has other plans for me and my husband.
As for the bitterness you feel--been there done that--but don't let satan take away your joy. I have gone through years of baby showers and announcements of pregnancy. I can tell you this--the Lord has been by my side and blessed me in so many other ways. So Cyster--KEEP THE faith--and I will too!!